talking out.

So I don't know why, but while I was once as open and blunt and honest as I could ever be on this journal... I for some reason have started watching what I write. I still write about 90% of what I want to write, but maybe I edit it slightly so as not to make others feel that I am being "too open". I don't know why I do it.
Damn, I'm fully blunt in person. Anyone who knows me, knows that I say pretty much whatever I want. If I want to talk about sex or farts or babies or boobs or whatever, I do! But not here. Why do I feel like I can only talk about certain things without people thinking that I am "acting" too immature, too mature, or just boring or too raw. What do I care? Am I afraid I will scare off my "legions of fans"? Who am I kidding?!
Well, I just wanted to warn you that I am not going to start talking about that stuff... because that is the whole reason this is here. So I can write about it. And if you have a problem with it, don't read!!

Avoided topics:
1. My age inappropriate body:
a) Pregnancy - I have this completely inappropriate (for where Travis and I are in our lives right now) desire to have a baby. I acknowledge that this isn't appropriate right now, but it doesn't diminish that I feel it. I can't wait until we do decide that we want to have a baby... but that won't be until we are first off, married, and secondly its 2099 (if travis has his way). I think he'll change his mind by the time he hits his "late 20s". I just feel that I was meant to be a mother. Plus I want breast feeding boobs.
b) Low Libido - I should be in my sexual prime, and as little as a year ago I was practically a nympo... yet here I am having a hard time getting myself going. I really enjoy sex when we have it... but have trouble getting myself to the point where I want to jump Trav. I know it is getting to him that he has to initiate every time. Is it my pill? Is it bad diet and exercise habits? Is it some sex crazed alien sucking up all my testosterone? Must figure this out.

2. My Body (period):
a) Breasts - I would like bigger breasts and smaller thighs. I like my body, but yes... I am a child of the MTv generation.
b) Ass - I love my big ass and J.Lo/Beyonce are my heros.... but it makes buying pants a bitch.

3. Marriage:
a) Engagement - I am jealous of everyone who got engaged after us, that is getting married before us. I know that is our fault for deciding to have an almost 22 month engagement... and I certainly don't blame any of said couples... but I am still jealous.
b) Travis - Trav and I are not the perfect couple, but we are great together and I love my hunny dearly. He is the most important person in my life, and I can't imagine my world without him. I can't wait to have his last name, and his babies (but we already talked about that...). I will do my best to leave out the things that he wouldn't want the world to know... but if its my thing, then I hope he understands (aka my libido, which believe me, has nothing to do with him... he does it for me).

Okay, I think that is all of the avoided topics for now. From now on, hopefully I will find myself fitting them more naturally into the day to day as I have wanted to. I feel better already. For those of you who come here for the details of my calendar, and enjoy my monotony, I will now tell you about my enjoyable weekend.
First off Wednesday night Mike helped us move our last furniture from the apartment to the house (not the stuff in storage). It went smoothly and we spent our first night in our house. That was rather exciting. Just as exciting was waking up and realizing I didn't have to catch the train until 8:26... which was almost an hour later then when I used to have to catch it from my apartment. :-) Yay! I do love sleep... I think in a past life I was a sloath (the animal, not the sin). We are now officially done with our apartment, as of Friday the keys are dropped off and the place is empty. It was very weird seeing it so empty.
Friday we attempted to straighten, and Saturday morning (bright and f*in early) we met Rochelle and Pat at the UHaul place to pick up a truck. Then we caravaned to the storage place and loaded the truck up. So now our storage place is empty and our house is full of furniture. We are slowly but surely getting it where it needs to be.
Saturday night we BBQed at Ro and Pat's, which was a good time.
Sunday we ran out to Blinds To Go and finally got stuff for our bedroom windows... blinds with 2" wooden slates (not the crappy mini-blind variety). Then come in this week and all I have to say is TAKE THAT GRISWALDS!! :-) Our neighbors "eternal sun" Christmas lights will not keep me awake anymore. We also hit up Home Depot (any new home owners favorite store)... and got a bunch of things that we really needed. We then arranged our bedroom and attempted to clean up our kitchen as much as possible.
Monday we had Ro & Pat over for a belated birthday dinner for Travis (25 last weekend)... and that was a good time. I had a great time cooking and the food was pretty darn good, so that was a sucess. Okay, back to work... I'm actually staying late today because I have so much to do. So I don't feel too bad about taking the 20min to write this... but still. I need to get my ass to it.
Oh, after this weekend I will have to tell you about all the fun things I bought down on South Street for Rochelle's Bachelorette Party. But not yet, just in case sneaky Ro is reading this right now!!

Ps. Over the past 5 or 6 days we have had sex at least 4 times.
TAKE THAT CRAPPY LIBIDO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :-)

Sorry, I'm happy with myself.


ordering the natural world

I just read this on a weatherbug question page... and it seems really bizare to me. I guess i just hadn't paid that much attention to it before. I've just always found it a little odd how humans try to make the natural world fit in with our schedules and rigors. Nature is untamed and naturally sporatic, and certainly follows its own rhythm, which is not ours. Even babies have to be "trained" to sleep at certain times, and walk and eat at certain times... it doesn't just come naturally.
Well, I suppose I should let you read what the hell I'm talking about anyway:

Question: I have noticed over a long period of time that the day lengthens by either 2 or 3 minutes. Why is there no set pattern as to the time the day gets longer?
Answer: The answer to this question is quite complex, but I will try to simplify it as much as I can. The heart of the answer is because sun moves across earth’s sky at an uneven rate due to the earth being round, tilting on its axis and having an elliptical orbit around the sun. Because of those three factors, the length of time between “Noon” (the moment when the sun is at its peak in the sky) one day, to “Noon” the next day, is not always 24 hours. Depending on the season, the time when the sun is at its peak (“Noon”) can be up to 16 minutes ahead or behind of a given location’s 12:00pm time. Over the course of a year, the average amount of time in a solar day is nearly 24 hours (though every 4 years, we add a leap day to keep this accurate). Therefore, due to the sun’s position in the sky in your city on any given day, the number of minutes of daylight added and subtracted to your sunrise and sunset varies. We notice the uneven distribution of minutes most around the summer and winter equinoxes.

Anyway, that was just a random little aside. Just thought it was a little odd.

So i've felt very off lately (hence the last post... that came out of the blue). I don't know if its a combination of all the stuff going on right now, all the changes... but I have just felt like my emotions are out of wack. I mean, right now we are in the final stages of moving to the new house. In fact, tomorrow Mike is coming over to help us take the bed and my dresser to the house, and our cars will be packed with the last things (clothes, foods, alarm clocks, and toiletries) that are left at the apartment. Then that is it. We paid the place so that they will just do the cleaning for us, so we don't have to go back for that. So once we make sure we have all our stuff on Wednesday night, we're outta there... we aren't going back. Its just so hard to believe that a whole year has passed. A year of living down here, and working at FPRI... Graduation really pushed that home too. Wow. Then there is Rochelle and Pat's wedding, and getting our puppy... Andy and Megan's wedding too.
As you've probably noticed, none of these things are at all bad (except maybe the unpacking!), but they are all changes. Buying a house probably the biggest (for us obviously). There are other small things though... stuff that if you looked at them on a daily basis, you probably wouldn't even notice. Like friendships growing apart. Stuff that maybe I can't pin point to one specific event, but that I notice and feel just as acutely. Maybe that is why I've felt so off lately... all of these awesome things in my life, and yet there is just enough there to make me feel left behind, unimportant, worthless. Plus there is always the money stuff, which I actually feel like I shouldn't complain about. We are just fine... we don't make as much as some people, but we are doing just fine. We aren't down to the bottom of the barrel or anything, but we certainly aren't overflowing either. And with our wedding coming up next year... and us going to have to pay for 90% of the thing ourselves... well, lets just say that Vegas is looking better and better.
Well, anyway. C'est la vie... really we're doing great. Trav and I are very happy, and we're only getting closer through all the house projects, etc. And I got to see Laura and the quads yesterday which was probably the absolute best part of the day. Laura looks great and her tummy is getting so big. Only about a month and a half left (July 5th) until Baby Malnight gets here! Very exciting!!
Okay, I have to get back to work. More when I can.



Why am I here? Does anyone even care at all? Here I am... and I write, and I talk, and I pour out deep thoughts and insignificant babble in the same breath and no one even bothers to care. I see that you all visit, but you are nameless, faceless masses that march through my world and back out again. It's odd in that today was a great day, and today went well and good. But yet this same melancholy comes to haunt me. Its something I can never escape. But life is good, and all is fine... so why do i even bother...



Well, soooooo f*in busy today, and feel like I am losing my mind! So this will be really really short, but I just had to let you all know. Travis said YES! We are getting a puppy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :-)
I am so beyond excited. Now I feel like i'm the pregnant one or something... counting down the weeks until "my baby" arrives. Lol. Very happy. So oh well, have to get back to work. But just had to share my excitement.

Here are some lyrics I stole from Stella to send you off... (great song!)

And there was a God in Heaven
And the world made perfect sense
We were young and were in love
And we were easy to convince
We were headed straight for Eden
It was just around the bend
And though I have forgotten all about it
The song remembers when


puppies & house stuffs & changes in plans...

So 90% of what I thought I was doing this weekend has changed in some way... but that isn't necessarily a bad thing.
Lets see. Tonight I'm not going to be going to Rochelle's because it turns out that she will be going with Pat up to his parents place. A few last final details for the wedding. I'm sorry we don't get to have our "girls night", but it probably made things easier in the long run since I have the hair appt (still) tomorrow morning. I would have had to drop off my car last night, which is a pain in the ass. So tonight Trav is taking a car-full of boxes to the new place, and we will probably spend the rest of the night packing boxes and then packing his car (we'll pack mine after I get back tomorrow morning). Ro and I will go do my fitting some night next week. After my hair appt my dad won't be coming down... his back is giving him problems... so we will wait on changing the lights until the next weekend. Don't want my dad killing his back for no reason! So we will just work on finishing the trim in the bedroom and doing the kitchen. Maybe, if we are super efficient, we will start fixing up the middle room some. We are also going out to buy a lawn mower, a new shower head, and look at some curtains. I am strangely excited by that. We need a new shower head because the previous owner only had the hand held kind. Creepy. And we need curtains for our bedroom because, as I told Trav, I want to be friendly with our neighbors, but not THAT friendly! So we will see how much we can get done. I have high hopes.

Today is also my dad's birthday... so Happy Birthday Papita!!!!!!!!!

Next week I have a Dr. Appt Monday, Megan Vasta's birthday Tuesday (Happy Birthday Megan!), possibly meeting Brian & Stacey for dinner Wednesday, and Friday Trav is leaving to go to Pat's for his Bachelor Party! So he will be gone all weekend (coming home Sunday which is his Birthday!!!), and I will be working my ass off trying to get lots done in the house. The following weekend is when we have to be out of our apartment, and it is also when we decided to rent a truck to get most of our stuff out of storage. It is a 3-day weekend, so hopefully by the end of it we will be at least 90% unpacked/settled in. We shall see! So that is the updated news on the house stuff.

On another note... I was talking to George online today because his dog is having 11 puppies!! That's right, 11!!! And he is trying to find homes for them. So obviously I am hoping to be able to get one! It is actually pretty perfect. They will be Yellow Lab/Golden Retriever mix... which is one of Trav's favorites. They should be born this coming week, and will be 8 weeks old when they are ready to be given out. 8 weeks would put it about mid-July... or right before we were planning on going to Cape Cod with Trav's parents. So, we could probably arrange to pick him/her up then (too perfect there!).
We get all the benefits of adopting a dog from a shelter like we were going to: It will be free, George will get them to be update with all shots, and will probably start house training them even before he starts to give them away. As he said, they will probably need a little more on that, but will be well on there way. That's more then you can say for a lot of shelter dogs. Plus that gives us about two months to get settled in and ready for a dog. As you can see I am excited by this idea. Plus, something you don't get with a shelter dog: we know that these puppies will be happy well adjusted dogs that were well taken care of before we got one.

Of course, I am waiting to hear what Travis has to say... but I am hope hope hoping against hope (lol, pathetic, I know) that he will see this the way I do. So cross your fingers and wish me luck, that next time I write it will be about just waiting for my puppy to be born! :-)