Damn busy lately. Even now, I have to be quick and write during breaks from the huge project my boss just dumped in my lap.

Let's see... friday I cleaned, a bunch.
Saturday was the wedding. A big congrates to Kim & Harry D*****. The wedding was beautiful. In a perfect world I would have remembered to bring other shoes to wear to walk around in (it was at Peddler's Village and we went early to see the sights), and not have killed my feet before the wedding even started. It also wouldn't have been about 90* in the sun, with almost no breeze. But it was a beautiful day, and the wedding was sweet. Short and sweet... Harry cried too, which was just the cutest thing.

They are the cutest couple, and their day turned out great.

Travis and I headed home that night, and were sore and exhausted when we got home. I slept in the next morning, which felt amazing... then got up and showered and we went out to brunch. We hit up a place called Nifty Fiftys, which we had been meaning to check out, and it was great! Good food, good service. I had the best milk shake. After that we headed to Bed Bath & Beyond, Target, and the Acme to do a little shopping around. My feet were still sore from the night before, so I started to get a bit cranky by the time we were in the Target. I actually waited in the car at the Acme and was wondering why Trav was being so slow all that day. Imagine my surprise when we pulled up to our place and found this:

There were even more balloons and streamers because this is a shot Ro took while they were still decorating.

Yup, Sunday was my bridal shower, and they definitely surprised me!! I'm waiting for more pictures from my mom and Megan V., but you can check out Ro's pictures here and here. They did a great job. It was Dr. Suess themed, and I think everyone had a great time. The bridal shower favors were black and white zebra stripped socks with red trim (seen hanging out of Miyano's pocket). And all of the bridal party wore black and white socks with pink details. Here's another picture with Travis' great aunt Mary dressed for one of the games in a toilet paper wedding dress... and you can see all the socks.

I was a very happy girl (seen here wearing my Dr. Suess hat decorated with the ribbons and bows from my gifts). Everyone was so generous, and it was a great day. A big huge thanks to all of my bridesmaids and my mom for throwing a great shower, and to Ro & Heather for staying up until 2 in the morning the night before making tons of food, including dozens of finger sandwiches, which Travis and I just finished eating today!!
I have the best friends.

Sunday afternoon we headed over to Ro & Pat's to relax, and Ro & I took advantage of the pool at their apartment complex (my first use of the bathing suit this season... wasn't too bad, I actually felt pretty good in it). It was so nice to cool off a bit since this weekend the heat and humidity really hit. We watched the first two X-Men movies and relaxed and played games.

Monday Trav had to work but it gave me a chance to unpack/put together/play with some of our new stuff. We're still working on everything, but at least this morning we were able to put out the five or six bags of trash full of wrapping paper, packaging, balloons, streamers, and party reminents that were left from the weekend. Wowzers! We also have our new clock and lamps set up, and are busy washing our towels, cups, and pots/pans.

Now its back to work (luckily a short week), and dealing with this heat.
Dear God, where did this heat come from?! Just last week there was still a chill to the air at night. We went from that, to sleeping with all the windows in our bedroom open and multiple fans, in one day! Where is my transition?! Ugh.

Oh well, as of tomorrow it is June. Summer is here kids, summer is here!




I have so much to tell you about from this weekend... including my awesome surprise bridal shower yesterday. But all that can wait until tomorrow... for now, Memorial Day.

God Bless The U.S.A.
Words and Music by Lee Greenwood

If tomorrow all the things were gone I’d worked for all my life,
And I had to start again with just my children and my wife.
I’d thank my lucky stars to be living here today,
‘Cause the flag still stands for freedom and they can’t take that away.

And I’m proud to be an American where at least I know I’m free.
And I won’t forget the men who died, who gave that right to me.
And I’d gladly stand up next to you and defend her still today.
‘Cause there ain’t no doubt I love this land God bless the U.S.A.

From the lakes of Minnesota, to the hills of Tennessee,
across the plains of Texas, from sea to shining sea,
From Detroit down to Houston and New York to LA,
Well, there’s pride in every American heart,
and it’s time to stand and say:

I’m proud to be an American where at least I know I’m free.
And I won’t forget the men who died, who gave that right to me.
And I’d gladly stand up next to you and defend her still today.
‘Cause there ain’t no doubt I love this land God bless the U.S.A.

No matter how you feel about the politics, the problems, the social, and the divisive lines, today of all days you have to be proud to be an American and proud of what this country originally stood for and hopefully still represents. And you should remember the men and women who fought, and many who died, to try and protect the freedoms and ideals that we take for granted.

I would personally like to thank my high school friend, Brant B., my coworker, Mike N., Megan's dad, Colonel V., and my cousin, Josh H., for their service. Thank you for fighting for me. Thank you for protecting my right to say how I really feel about this war.


baby baby baby!

Ahh, sleeping in felt so good this morning! Yesterday was fun, but exhausting... so sleeping in was more then necessary! But even better then sleeping in, was waking up to the news that my girlfriend had given birth to her baby. Woot!! And I love the name Shiloh.

Okay, off to start getting ready for my loverly weekend day... wedding recap later.


because it is totally worthwhile

So the week that would never end... it's finally ended!! Woo! Well, just have to get through the day, which should be no problem. Yesterday was interesting, what with the trains stopping! But thanks to a friendly fellow train rider named John, I got a ride into the city and was only a few minutes late. Jan & Alan, the only two other people here at the time, were surprised, but pleased, to see me. Luckily the trains were up again in time to go home, but it was interesting to say the least... especially for some people I know who ended up getting on the earlier trains, only to have them stop moving in tunnels and ended up having to walk to the closest stations! Yipes. Last night Trav was home, and we actually had a lot of fun hitting up the grocery store. Plus we started straighting up some (which I will continue tonight and we will hopefully finish up tomorrow morning)... and Trav vacummed with this great carpet stuff that left our house smelling like apples and cinnamon. Mmm. So even though its not completely clean yet, at least it smells great! I guess it is spring cleaning time, because we both just popped into action and decided it was time to do a bit of a real cleaning.

Oh, Wednesday night was fun too... since Trav was working, I decided to be crafty. Not sly crafty, but creative crafty. I went to Michael's and picked up supplies and made our flowergirl baskets!

One shot is too dark:

One shot is too bright:

But you get the idea!! :-) Three unique baskets, for three unique girls!

Okay, well, I should get back to work... but, before I go, I'm going to direct you here. Nadine is a sweet little girl suffering from cancer... today is the last day of her first round of cemotherapy. You can totally make her life so much brighter just by sending out a card. Again, go to the link to check out the details, but it is hugely worthwhile, and I think it will make you feel very good inside.

And speaking of something to make you feel good inside... have a happy three-day Memorial Day weekend, and take a moment on Monday to think about all the people, from the days of WWI all the way until now, that have sacrificed themselves to protect the freedoms that we take for granted. I'm sure you all know how I feel about the war, but everyone needs to divorce the war from the soldiers who are fighting it, and realize that they are doing it for their families, their friends, and for us. It's not too much to ask to take five minutes and think of them, and thank them, for that. Happy Weekend!!



Okay, can we talk about how this week is going so slow?! And how my perfect black pants are no more?! And how the weekend, seriously, just needs to get here RIGHT now?!

To be fair, this hasn't been a bad week at all. Last night we got our Chinese, and completed our multi-day celebration of Travis' birthday. And it was nice! It really was! But the days are taking forever, and work is blah, and my eating well thing isn't going nearly as well this week (although I am eating a plum right now, and it is a good plum!)... so its just really time for a nice long weekend.

So, I've been thinking a lot lately about what I really want from life. I don't think my "requirements" are really that complicated or over the top. I want
  1. A partner that loves me completely and supports me. Someone that makes me happy and compliments my personality.
  2. A stable and complete family that supports me.
  3. Friends that are loyal and that I have a great time with.
  4. A job that I enjoy, at least more then not, and where I feel like I am accomplishing something.
  5. A home. Not just a house, but somewhere that I can really call home... that I am comfortable in and happy in, a place that I always want to return to and where I plan to stay.
  6. Comfort with myself... this means both with who I am and how I feel in my physical body.
After looking at that list I realize that maybe I'm not doing so bad, huh?! Number one, two, and three are perfect, dead on, right. Travis is the perfect partner, soon to be the perfect husband, that I have always longed for. My family, new and soon-to-be, are wonderful people and so supportive. They genuinely love Trav and I for who we are. And I have incredible friends... both old (Heather, 20 years and counting), and new (or newer).
I'm not there on four, but that is something I can work on in time.
Five and six, I'm halfway there... I'm working on the physical part of six. Five... I do love our house, its not where I want to stay forever, but I'm happy here for now and for a while, and that's good enough for now.

Its just good once in a while to take a step back and see what is really important to you in life, and what you have.

Okay, back to work... with a little more bounce in my step.


wow, brain damage.

In reference to yesterday's post... please replace all mentions of Lamb with Pork. Opps. That's what I meant, but I don't know why it just didn't come out that way. Wow.


May 22nd

Today is a very important day... 26 years ago on this very day, the future love of my life was born. :-)
Happy Birthday Travis!!

Unfortunately he has to work tonight, so we celebrated some last night, and will celebrate with his birthday dinner of Chinese food tomorrow night. But it is still his day.

Last night I cooked dinner to be ready when Trav got home from work... lamb with a yummy light coconut sauce, brown rice, and green beans with a nice red wine. I really had never cooked lamb on my own before, so it was definitely an interesting experiment in improvisation. It worked out well. In the end anyway... since my initial sauce was a one with red wine and other things, and my initial veggies were broccoli, green beans, and peas. Those didn't turn out so well, so they were replaced. Opps. But the lamb chops were good and the rest, in the end, was delicious as well. Especially the coconut sause stuff. Mmmmm.

I Love You Travis, and I hope your day is everything you could have hoped for.

Well, that's about all there was for me. The rest of the weekend was a bit of a wash. Not that I had anything big planned, but Saturday I didn't have my car for most of the day (it was in the shop for some routine things), and Trav was at work, so I was stuck at home. After I got my car I did run out to Bed, Bath, & Beyond for something for a friend, but otherwise I was lazy! Not that I would ever complain about lazy, but then I was home all day on Sunday too (while Travis worked) because I was waiting for a call from a women about babysitting. She never called me back, and so my day was shot (I was real annoyed). The best part of that day was the cooking for Trav. I feel like I didn't have much of a real weekend. I just sat there last night unable to fathom that it was actually Sunday night!

I'm definitely looking forward to this weekend. We have a wedding on Saturday, and of course, Monday off which is just the best thing. And then it is pretty much the end of May! Damn time flies!

Okay, well speaking of time flying... back to work for me!


sometimes beauty can be so overwhelming...

Congrates to the happy parents over at Baby Makes Three... who just welcomed their first child, a daughter, on Saturday.

I just got done watching What Dreams May Come, and I cried... oh did I cry. It's such an incredibly beautiful movie to watch (visually), but so hard to see (emotionally), all at the same time. And the ending... the love is so palitable that it almost hurts after the sadness of before. It is an amazing movie.

So far my weekend has been lazy, relaxing. Yesterday my car was in the shop for most of the day for routine stuff... so I was housebound. Today I'm waiting for a call about babysitting... but as of yet, nothing. Maybe I'll go for a walk. It's beautiful.


just because i am here and travis is working and i don't feel like doing the dishes

A Little About Me:
Favorite male hunk.....Colin Farrell... yummy.
Favorite female actress....Angelina... also yummy!
Favorite position....Lol, all of them.
Favorite sport....To watch, football. To play, floor hockey.
Favorite restaurant....Any with sushi or italian!
Who do you love....my family, my friends, and Travis of course. :-)
Favorite picture....Old picture that my mom took of Travis and I laying on the couch laughing our asses off. Not the most flattering picture, but we are just having the greatest time and it shows!
Favorite memory....Too many to have just one favorite. Lots of great times with family and friends, my trip to China, Travis telling me he loves me (the first time and everytime)...
Wedding song....Right now we're thinking "You're My Best Friend" by Queen.
Anniversary....Oct. 13th
Babies....Not yet, but we're thinking 2.
Perspective boy names....Gabriel John, Benjamin
Perspective girl names....Gwenivere Barbara, Sofia Mae
favorite alcoholic drink(s)....OJ and Parrot Bay, wine, Citron and Club
Red or White wine....White... I hate red.
Pets....After the wedding, a doggie!
Current vehicle....Toyota Echo
Favorite color(s)....Blue, Deep Red
Favorite movie(s)....Tons: Harry Potter (all of them), Lord of the Rings (all of them), 8mm, Fight Club, Labyrinth, and Dirty Dancing to name a few.
Favorite word...."free" Lol.
When I have time....I like to relax with a good book, a mug of tea, and Travis.
Phrase that discribes you.... A tattooed hippie freak, that just wants the best out of life for herself and all those she loves.


don't feed the animals

Travis called me as soon as he got to work this morning (or maybe even from his cellphone, I'm not sure). The phone rang right as my alarm went off, and for a moment I was really confuse. I rolled one way and hit my alarm button, then the other way and grabbed the phone from Trav's bedside table. "Hulloe?"

He was calling me because he knows me so well. He was calling to feed my obsession. He was calling because he loves me. He was calling to tell me that my girlfriend was in labor.

I don't know where he heard this, or if it is even true, because I can't find it anywhere now... but the fact that he called me to tell me that... well, I just love that man!!

ps. my effort to tape the series finale of W&G was foiled... so if anyone taped that show, and I can borrow it or come over and watch it, let me know!!!


wow, what a night.

So yesterday was interesting. Stressed out a bit in the afternoon... got a bad headache, but worked late and got lots done. By the time I got home though, it was a migrane... so I immediately popped some Excedrin Migraine, and drank a Coke with my dinner (I ate a whole bag of salad... what the hell is wrong with me). I started to feel better. Travis got home, and I headed to bed a little before him... he came to bed about a half hour later. He got to bed quickly. I however lay there, and lay there, and lay there. Until 1:00, when I got up and made myself some warm milk. Then I lay there and lay there until 2:00 at which point I got up and read until 3... then I went back to bed and lay there and lay until Travis woke up at 4 to ask me if I was okay. Finally around 4:30-4:40ish, I fell asleep. Got to love that whole 2-2.5 hours of sleep there. Grr...

Today actually went really well though. I was so out of it in the morning, but just tried to focus on work and really ended up getting along fine. Tonight Trav is home and we have three season/series finales to watch: That 70s Show, Will & Grace, and CSI. I will have to tape one of them though since they are on at 8:00, 8:00-10:00, and 9:00 respectively. Oh well. I'll probably tape Will & Grace, watch the other two, and then watch W&G tomorrow night. Hopefully I can make it through CSI though!

On another (wedding-related) note: In an attempt to stop the slow spread of my lower body, to look as good as I can in my wedding dress, I've started eating better and I'm walking the stairs in the morning instead of taking the elevator. Sixth floor, enough to feel it a bit! :-)
Also, my new stress... my hairdresser had to decline doing my hair for the wedding. Two huge "life events", she just can't commit to it. While disappointed, I completely understand, but now I am stressing hugely about who I'll be able to get. The first two people I talked to wanted between $60-85 just to freakin do my hair!! Are you kidding me?! When people hear the word wedding you can just see their eyes light up with little dollar signs.
It's ridiculous.

Okay, well, on a nicer note it is almost the end of the day... so I'm going to get some more work done. Ciao!


the week is halfway done... the week is halfway done...

Is it bad that I start counting down to the weekend at Monday at about 9am? Well, too bad! Today, the week is halfway done.

This post is mostly about looking forward to things. There is so much exciting stuff coming up! I feel like it will be wedding time before I know it since there is so much going on that will help the time fly. First there is Travis' birthday which unfortunately falls on a Monday (he'll be working... boo), but on Tuesday we are going to order Chinese, and maybe watch the movie that he picked out. Then the next big event is a week from Saturday (the 27th)... Kim & Harry's wedding. It should be a great time, that is one fun family, and I haven't been to Peddler's Village before, so I'm looking forward to that too. June holds my Babwa's birthday, and then some wedding type events for Megan V.... who's wedding is on the 7th of July. After that we have, in quick succession, Trav's dad's day, his brother Andy's day, and my mom's day. August 1st is Jimmy Buffet, and the 15th is my birthday, and then the night of the 18th we leave for Cape Cod (returning on the 26th). While we're there we'll get to see Andy & Megan, and Travis' parents. We'll also be mailing our wedding invites that month. September 1st I'll be leaving for Vegas, the 20th is when the RSVPs are due by, the Quads will turn 7, then the head counts are due on the 29th. Then October is here and we are into major wedding crunch time!! Pretty exciting stuff!

And of course, today, for those of you who thought I forgot... is Megan Vasta's birthday!

Happy Birthday Megan!!!!!!!!!

Hopefully her and Mike will get to do something loverly. I'll have to call her this afternoon and see what they will be up to.

So it looks like Travis' schedule will be evening out now. Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays... plus two weekends on, one weekend off, or something like that. I'm still never going to be able to keep the weekends straight... but at least there won't be anymore of that three nights in a row stuff!

Okay, work... bleech.


what a day!

Let's see... so first there was the drizzle. Then the sun came out and it wasn't so bad. Then, logically right when I was leaving work, there was the torrential downpour, which even with an umbrella, soaked my legs up to my knees... so soaked that when I got home (after enjoying the nice soggy train ride) I left squishy footprints with my socks, and had to peel my pants off of me. Then, once again, there were blue skies. Followed, of course, by hail! And then another torrential rain. Lol... What. A. Day.

On a seperate note... this weekend was great! I mentioned eating dinner at Ro & Pat's on Sunday. But I didn't talk about Saturday. That morning I had a hair appointment, which Travis was sweet enough to accompany me to. On our way to my parents' house we picked some wild flowers for my mom. We ate copious amounts of cheese, crackers, dips, fruit, etc... and relaxed. Lori (the seamstress) came over that afternoon and I got my wedding dress pinned! Lol, don't worry... we kicked Travis upstairs for a while, he didn't see the dress. She took that with her, which is very exciting. Dinner was homemade chicken tenders and pesto pasta, with garlic herb rolls and corn. My mom is a GREAT cook!! It was a really nice day and a great b-day/mother's day celebration.

Here is Lady, who apparently thinks she is a lap dog... she starts like this...

And ends up like this!

Once again... starts like this...

And we have a lap dog!!

So, I know I didn't take the time to do a whole big post for mother's day, or for my dad's birthday, but I do want to take a little time to talk about just how amazing they are. I have wonderful parents.

My mom has always been one of my best friends. I've always known that I could, and can, talk to her about anything. Whatever it was, she would be there to listen to me, and would always be willing to help me through whatever trial. She is a strong, amazing, intelligent woman, and I am so proud to have her as my mother. I only hope that when I have kids, they look up to me the way I always have and always will look up to her.
My dad and I haven't always gotten along. I could say that we have always been best buds, but to lie about that would belittle what we have now. We have worked hard for our current relationship, and I don't want to lessen that. Growing up I didn't understand my father. He is bipolar, which is a complicated disease that leaves the person experiencing it at a lose for what their body is doing, why they feel the way they feel (that commercial that talks about how depression hurts all over... its very right on)... and if you don't know what's happening to you, how can anyone else? It took time apart, and an acceptance of my own metal health, uh, issues, to appreciate just how hard my papita always tried for his family. There wasn't anything he wouldn't do for us... and won't do for us now. It feels so good to now be able to say that I love my papita so much, and I am so proud that he is my father. He is brave and honest and a true advocate for anyone in need. He is a rare breed and I can finally say that I wish there were more men out there like him.

I know my childhood wasn't the easiest time for my parents... not because of me (although I'm sure there are time I didn't help!), but because money was tight. Working at non-profits is not a way to rake in the dough, and my dad had to go on disability around that time. We didn't have a lot, and I know it killed my parent's not to be able to give us everything we wanted. But we always had enough, and they always made little sacrifices for my brother and I so that we could have special things. Everyone thinks they have the best parents... but mine really are amazing.

Okay, bedtime...


killing time

A super shorty here. I'm just killing some time before its that time to leave for the train. I already did some shopping on BB&B, and ordered Megan & Mike's wedding presents. Yay! While I was on there I also added a wok to our registry (we are at Bed, Bath, & Beyond and Target), because Ro cooked for us in her new wok last night and it was delicious!! The weekend was great, especially since I had trav around the whole time.

Okay, time killed... now I'm going to head out into this miserable rainy stuff... more later.


friday friday friday

"Some days are going to suck. Some entire years are going to suck. Seems to me that if you want an attitude that will withstand reality you need to accept that everything passes, and that includes both the bad stuff and the good."

-Carolyn Hax

It's been a rather trying week for my office:

  • One coworker, a Captain in the Guard, just got deployed. He is leaving his wife and his job for TX (today or monday i think), then to Iraq. For a year. It's a scary prospect. (I got all weepy last night because a show was on and the women had lost her military husband in battle. Urgh.)
  • Today, another coworker's father died. He was ill... last night the nurse called and said that her father was asking for her. It was a stormy night, her husband was in DC, she said she would be there first thing in the morning. When she woke up, she got the call.
  • Another coworker is waiting for news on whether or not her father's cancer, which they thought was in remission, might have spread to his stomach before they caught it.

They say bad things come in threes... so, I am counting my blessings right now, and praying today and the weekend do not hold more in store for our office!

This week should however, be great! Tomorrow we are heading up to my parent's first thing in the morning. I have a hair appointment, then we will be relaxing with my parent's all day for my father's birthday.

Happy Birthday Papita!!

The only other interruption will be Lori (my seamstress) popping over so that I can try on slips under my wedding dress. That night will be my dad's birthday dinner... I'm not sure what we are having, but I'm sure it will be great. Of course, Sunday is Mother's Day. My mamacita will probably get some breakfast in bed... otherwise, just more relaxing. That night we'll have dinner at Ro & Pat's. I'm thinking Ro will make us something with her wok. :-) Very fun. I'm especially excited because, as you probably noticed, Travis is not working all weekend!

Okay, lunch time for me. Have a great weekend!!


take me out to the ball game...

Trav isn't working tonight, but the boy is abandoning me anyway! [j/k!] His work is taking them to the Philly's game. I was worried for a bit that it would get rained out, but so far so good. Hopefully the rain will continue to hold out... he deserves this treat. After he gets home though, I would LOVE a good thunderstorm.

Before then, maybe I can get a walk/run in.
One more day and then I actually get a weekend! Yay!

Okay, even with the boss away I have a million things to do... but it is 4:30, time to start wrapping things up!


and on the third day, the humping was good.

Wednesday, we are halfway there, and this weekend should be great. Saturday is my dad's birthday, sunday is mother's day. It will be nice to spend the weekend with the fam.

Watched lots of TV last night... a bunch of season finalies... plus I was lazy. I did hit up the grocery store though and wash the dishes, and do some exercise, so it wasn't a complete waste!

By the way, if you want to do something (or have the chance of doing something) unique and special, then check out this page for the $1,000 dress... I definitely sent in a note.

Okay, a shorty... but back to work for me. Ta-ta!



I just realized I never gave you the answer to crack my safe... so with apologies, the magic numbers are: 8, 2, 3! Yay! Or soemthing. :-)

Last night was all about the being lazy. I didn't get a weekend, so last night I didn't want to do anything. Dishes went unwashed, the house went untidied, and I relaxed, watched TV, and read. I actually watched the series finally of 7th Heaven (I'm a little embarassed). I used to watch that show for the first few seasons that it was out (as of its ending last night, it was on for 10 seasons, holy sheeet). It is a good show, but wayyy too cheesetastic for normal consumption... however since I saw the beginning I really wanted to see the end. It was okay... too much at the end (three sets of twins, are you f*ckin kidding me?!), but I'm glad I watched it. I always get a little wistful/nostgalic when I see the end of one of those shows that I feel I grew up with or grew with the characters (Night Court, Murphy Brown, Home Improvement, Friends, 7th Heaven, Will & Grace as of the 18th...). It kind of makes me feel *please don't laugh* a little old. Not in like elderly old... just like my childhood is so far behind me. Sometimes that is a bit saddening.

Anyway... the rest of the night was good, Trav came home and we had a stupid spat, but by the time we climbed in bed we were laughing and joking around like normal. And then we made up... :-)

Tonight Trav works again... tomorrow night too. I'll probably try and do something productive, but I don't know what yet. Blah. Tonight, of course, is also House... another new one and I can't wait to follow the "Forman saga". At least that gives me something to look forward to.

In other news I'm feeling a bit better today. See, if you haven't noticed, I have this problem with depression. This is something that I tend to keep to myself (so if you haven't noticed, I'm not surprised). There are days like yesterday when I just want to cry all the time, but I don't and I don't let people see that part of me either. Times like that it is so easy to get really down on myself. I feel like a failure for having a crappy job, for not making a lot of money, for being out of shape... I get caught up with looking at all my past "failures"... and it just blooms until it becomes this monster hanging over me, telling me that I am worthless. Sometimes it makes me want to give up (don't worry, I'm not suicidal... I fought that demon in high school, and won). Even when I am happy it rears it's head and tries to take me down again. But the thing that makes me that happiest in life, that takes me through all the bad parts, is Travis. Just knowing that he loves me completely and for who I am (flaws and all) makes everything else bearable. And today I am feeling really good. I still hate my job, and I still am uncomfortable in this body, but they don't seem so overwhelming.*

Well, back to work for me. I had a break this afternoon for a dentist appointment (I didn't say it was a fun break), so now my pearly whites are pearly... uh, whiter. But I'm also a bit behind, so back to work for me.

*Oh, and no, I don't want to talk about it. :-)


just too much

I'm not in the best of moods today. I don't know why... its a short day, I got to come in late (of course, that's because I had to work all weekend, but details details). I had a weird dream last night, I don't know if that has anything to do with it. I debated for quite a while before deciding to post this, for some reason it feels so personal, but I am the one who wants to be able to write whatever I want here... so I will write about it and ask you all to treat it gently. I don't know why this feels so personal, none of the people in this dream are people from my real life... anyway... I don't remember the very beginning, but here's what I do remember:

There had been a flood of sorts, some kind of natural disaster. Four of us where travelling in two trucks to try to find some saftey (and meeting/seeing no one else in the process). I had gone with one man, and another woman had gone with the other man... I know that I didn't know the other two people and feel like I wasn't friends with the man I was riding with, but felt like I knew him in some way. At some point the second woman was killed or lost, and the man I was riding with asked if I wanted to ride with the other man instead, saying that it would make more sense for the two trucks to split up. I said I wanted to go with him, knowing I was in love with him, and knowing from the way he asked me the question that he felt the same. We left the other man and continued to look for somewhere safe. At some point we found a house, but before we approached it we argued about him leaving me there. He wanted me safe, but I didn't want to leave him. He didn't want to give into his feelings to me because of our age difference (I have no idea how old we both were in the dream, I felt like I was around 19-20... he was maybe early 30s), and he felt like it would be taking advantage of my feelings, my age, something. I grabbed his face and we kissed hard... and I left him little choice. I wrapped my legs around his waist (and you get no more details about that). When I woke up the next morning, he was gone and I was in the house. He had left a note, but nothing else... except the baby growing in me. I was pregnant. The owners of the house were a young couple, also early 30s, who had a new baby... and their close friend, a man of the same age.
{there is a lot i don't remember from the middle, except that I started to fall in love with the husband... I felt like I knew him, and only later realized that in some way he was the same as the original man...}
At one point we all found ourselves sitting on the porch. At this point my belly was very big, I must have been 8 months along. I was nervous, it seems the wife knew about my feelings for the husband, and that he felt the same way. But what I hadn't noticed was that the wife and the friend also had feelings for each other... they kissed and the husband came to me. He kissed my belly and held my hand. I new that it would be fine. Now they were together, and the husband and I were together.
{This wasn't the end, but the last part I really remember except for playing with their baby, and feeding my child, a son.}

When I woke up this morning, it seemed to take a second to get my barings... know where I was. It's been a while since I've has such a vivid dream. I have always had vivid dreams, but this is the first probably since December. And like I said before, it just feels so personal for reasons I can't explain.

Anyway, the weekend was fine. Travis came with me on Friday night, which was great. He got to watch his hockey, which made him happy, and I had some company Friday night and Saturday morning. Especially nice since I haven't gotten to see Trav nearly as much lately because of his second job. Saturday was the long day, 9a.m. to about 9p.m. - waaayyyy too long. Afterwards I called Trav for a bit, then ran out with Miyano to the bookstore to grab a magazine or two... I hadn't realized I would finish the last 2/3 of my book on Saturday alone!! Sunday we started early, I was at the registry desk by 8a.m., but we only went until 12ish... after which we got to have a relaxing lunch before heading home. I got to try on my two new polo shirts that Trav picked up for me. :-) Today (and tomorrow) Travis has to work... so I'll be on my own. Who knows what I'll do... probably a lot of reading. Hey, I didn't get a weekend!

Okay, that's all for now.


Dear Mr. President...

This absolutely brought tears to my eyes.



Hey hey hey, its friday! Yes, I have to work all weekend. But its still friday! :-)


no guilt here baby!

Travis is at work tonight... for the third night in a row. He was supposed to be working Tuesday and Thursday, but then his boss (who has actually be out sick practically since he started working there) asked him to come in last night also, to help with some computer hook up... (um, and then didn't show up, but that's another story), so three nights it is. Tomorrow should be great... him actually being home! We're going to grill some chicken, cook some corn on the cob, and relax together before heading over to the conference center to pretend we are having a romantic night away, and not just staying overnight where I have to work all weekend. Should be fun though.

Anyway, tonight there is no feeling guilty for this girl! :-) I was productive... very productive. Yay! Here is the bread I went out and bought for Travis' sandwiches:

And here is Henry's cage (with Henry hiding in the corner of his hut), freshly cleaned... with new sand, water, and food:

And here is the freshly swept porch (hey, I spilled sand, so I wanted to clean that up... plus all the white concrete dust from the Terminix guy drilling):

And here is our freshly vacumned living room and non-pictured dining room (because who realizes that they can't remember the last time they vacumned, especially while they are sweeping their porch... dear god, if you can clean your porch but not the inside of your house, there is something seriously wrong!):

And here is a tired Meegs:

(I realized that is hard to take a tongue sticking out, eyes closed picture without looking slightly, uh, dead... so I took this one too):

But I think maybe I look better looking slightly dead. Yipes!

So anyway... now I am tired, so I am going to go relax. Well, actually first, I'm going to go do these (yay, even more productive):

...then, I'm going to go relax. Night!

Ps. I don't know which was more impressive... my productivity, or the fact that I took pictures and downloaded pictures all in the same day! Wow.


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Sunday was good. I really got lucky with great, easy kids to sit for. Yesterday went by so fast I didn't even get a chance to pop in, and today is passing pretty swiftly as well. This weekend I work the whole time, but hopefully that will pass quickly too. Tonight Travis works... who knows what I will do? A quick stop at the store, that is definite, but otherwise... well, I always feel like I should get out and workout, but how often do I really? I've been bad about that... and before I know it, we'll be at the point where its too hot for me. Thanks to my dad's genes, that is basically anywhere above 75-80*!

Before I forget, a HUGE birthday shout-out to Rochelle who is a quarter century old today!!

Happy Birthday Ro!!!!!!

Everyone (whether you know her personally or not) head over to her blog and drop her a happy birthday wish. It will really make her day.

Otherwise its the same old stuff. I did get a phone call from Laura yesterday which really brightened my day. The quads & babe are doing well, and apparently just got their flowergirl dresses. They are in both my wedding in October, and in June, Laura's sister's wedding. Madeline had lost a tooth a few months ago and for the longest time would greet people by pointing to the empty spot, and with finger still in mouth say, "see where i lost my tooth?!" Well, apparently since the dresses came in her greeting has changed to, "I'm in two weddings. I am a flowergirl!" This definitely put a smile one my face... especially when Laura tells me that she doesn't just say "flowergirl", but says it like someone else might say "CEO of a multi-million dollar international corporation"... this is her new profession. God I love kids.

Okay, well back to work for me. I'm trying to be a good girl and get lots done today. Wish me luck with that one. :-)