Patience and Prayer

Editor's Note: The hole I was in lasted 2 weeks+, and ended slowly (in steps) when I found movement and routine again. A reminder of just how important those things are to me and my mental health! 

This morning I headed out on my long walk with my phone tucked securely in my backpack. I'd gotten in the habit of listening to podcast or calling my Mom or my Babs to catch up. I love both of those things and what they feed me, but I realized that I needed something different today. So I walked and watched. Seeing squirrels doing their late summer work, wolf spiders venturing from their dens, a great egret making its journey. I listened to insects starting their final choruses, and birds singing their praises. I absorbed the surprisingly hot, late summer sun into my skin, and felt the slickness of the sweat it created along my spine. 

Mostly I noticed the thoughts that came up; the wanderings of my mind when left to its own devices. The grasshoppers brought to mind Mary Oliver, and led me inevitably to the question: "What will you do with your one wild and precious life?" I realized that this time of year I am often awash in impatience. I long to move past the heat and high energy of summer, and into the slowing coolness of autumn. I seek change and release, so find myself rushing and wishing away these last days before fall. As I found myself in my favorite strand of trees, I stopped to make an offering to Mother Earth, and the Goddesses Cerridwen and Madron (how interesting that I find myself most drawn to ones associated or known for Motherhood, as well as transformation). So often when we pray we ask, but I knew that this wasn't the time for request, but for thanks. I also made a promise ... the best offering I could offer was trust. I promised to trust in the divinity of perfect timing, to work on patience, and to use my own magic and divinity to support those of the Goddesses that support the Earth in her work. 

That timing is about more then just the autumn. Lately 13-year old words and 41-year old words find themself missing the mark, and sometimes I wish the days into evenings (and bedtimes...); but just as often I find myself lamenting that time passing, each day drawing us closer to lasts and goodbyes. While my desire to autumn is understandable (I think), each new autumn marks one year closer to Gwen's eventual departure, and as hard as this season of our relationship may be (at points, because there is also so much wonder in it), I can't bring myself to think too hard on the season when she no longer calls my home hers. Its honestly too much for my heart to even imagine. So in this season I make a promise of patience: for her, for the passing of time, and for me. I pray and work everyday magic with the guidance of Goddess from long ago times and far away places, knowing their distance only makes their wisdom more potent and knowing. 

And on Sundays I walk, covering distance, while being more present; savoring these sweet moments while they last. What do you pray for?