this is the end, my only friend, the end.

Who wants to play name that tune?

So it is a Saturday and I'm blogging. Unique and special in and of itself, but today is a special day nonetheless. The last day of 2005. It has been quite the year. Brenna was born during a snow storm in otherwise sunny AZ, Travis turned a quarter of a century old, we bought our first house, two of our closest friends (Ro & Pat) got married, I got in a car accident and got a "new" car (bu-bye to my first car), about a dozen sets of friends got newly engaged, we finally started really wedding planning, Travis' brother got married, and just today Travis got in a car accident as well.

Today did not go exactly as planned... I was supposed to meet Cassie, Sebrina, and Babs, for our first get together with all four of us almost since high school! It was not to be though... I drove all the way up to my parent's, where I was stopping to pick up some stuff, and by the time I got on the road to head towards the restarant... it was snowing like crazy. The snowflakes were about half the size of my palm EACH. The roads were horrible, so I didn't want to chance getting snowed it up there... so I headed home. On my way I found out that Travis had gotten in a car accident down here, and when I got down here and called my girls, I found out that Cas had flipped her car!! Luckily no one was hurt, but still, what a day.

Travis and I have very relaxed plans for ringing in the new year. Staying at home, just the two of us, enjoying a late dinner with some wine, then popping a bottle of champagne for the count down. It will be quiet too, since we won't turn on the TV until about 11:55, since we don't want it to die until the countdown is over!!

And what does 2006 hold, well we'll just have to wait and see...
(sneak peek preview coming next week!)


imaginary conversation

I had this imaginary conversation with my boss today while doing those things that are not part of the job that I was hired to do, and in fact are part of someone else’s job, who doesn’t want to do them either and may in fact, need to leave because of sickness and not being able to do those things that I don’t want to do. In it I tell my boss, after not getting an acceptable raise (which hopefully I will get, I don’t find out until January) that I will keep the “salary” with the “raise”, which I prefer to call a pittance with a slight puffing, because I’m only keeping it until I find a new job. But that he will keep me here until I find it, at which point I will give him two weeks notice and will then leave.
Of course, that would not happen. Even if I did only get a non-raise raise, I would probably smile sweetly and say thank you. But I might just say that this new job stuff that I don’t want to do, but may be forced to do is such that I would rather poke my eyes out with spoons. And not just any spoons. Wooden spoons. Dull, splintery, wooden, spoons.
Yes, I may just say that.

On another note, I have to go and do those things that I don’t want to do because I really need to get them done with the event looming ever closer. And I don’t like the event or the looming, and to have so much event and so much looming… gah… I’m getting a headache just thinking about it!
On the plus side, the other reason I have to go is because today is a half-day and I get to go home to my Travis (who has a no work day) at one, and therefore have much less time to do those yucky things. I’m also going to make yummy food, and eat a lot, and enjoy having 3.5 days off. Yay!


pictures etc!

Happy Thursday... in fact not only is it
and you will get pictures from that. But I have finally also downloaded my random other pictures. Pictures from Heather's graduation have been added here, and one of Rochelle in her bridesmaid dress here, because otherwise this post was just getting too full!

First, HNThurs.:
Oh AZ, how I love thee... and thy swimming in April!
See, I love... I give you not only half-naked me, but half-naked Travis as well! Woo woo.

Please ignore the THUNDER THIEGHS... and the fact that it looks like I'm about to pop Travis' head off... (the humanity)

So there you go... now some random photos, just uploaded.

Here's Pikko! All settled into her new abode, making my desk more homey. :-)

I heart Pikko.

J-Core showing off his talent...

The kid can fit a whole damned quarter into his nose!! Okay, I don't care if I'm supposed to be an adult, and past the stage where boys sticking things up their noses is supposed to amaze me... but, honestly, that is impressive! There is no way you are telling me otherwise, unless you can fit a quarter up your nose too. (If you can, please send me a picture... but do not tell your doctor that it was me who told you to stick it up there, when you end up in the ER to have it removed!)

Last night was nice... a relaxing dinner with Travis. Laundry was done, cupcakes were made, and some stuff was readied for mailing. Not too shabby.

Okay, that's all... sorry nothing good, but so so so busy today. A big project to work on, for one of my coworkers, whose dad is real sick. A little stressed, but I know it will get done. Ciao!


getting back to normal (aka. I'm tired and bored... j/k!!)

This is such a great time of year... so much time with family and friends. Relaxing days, traditions, food, and fun. For a few days, I feel like I'm in a real life Halmark card. Not that my dad & Travis' constant teasing doesn't make me want to hit them over the head with our ham (or turkey), but its great to have the time together.

What are your holiday traditions?
I've already mentioned the Christmas movies... starting on Thanksgiving day, we are officially "allowed" to watch Christmas movies. We start on Turkey day with Miracle on 34th Street (the 1947 version), since that starts with the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade. Between then and Christmas (something I have to start doing with Travis instead of my parents and brother now... I missed it this year) we watch White Christmas, It Came Upon a Midnight Clear, It's a Wonderful Life, the Night They Saved Christmas, a Christmas Carol (with George C. Scott), and sometimes Mr. Magoo's Christmas Carol (cartoon version, circa 1962).
Christmas Eve we hang our stockings, listen to music, and decorate the tree. Ethan and I put the presents under - very last thing. Christmas morning we open our presents, eat my mom's eat cassarole thing (very good - cubed bread topped with shredded cheese, topped with an egg & milk mixture with some spices, then baked), and watch a Christmas Story (often more then once). Any Christmas movies we haven't seen yet, we watch now, and some we have. Before lunch I call my Babs and we tell each other what we got. We've done this every year for as long as I can remember. I can't imagine Christmas without these things (though we have done Christmas at Travis' parent's one year, and had a wonderful time).
Then, either Christmas Day or the day after, my dad's brother Scott, his wife MaryAnn, and their kids Em and Jess (my awesome cousins), visit... either they come up (like this year), or we go down. Sometime they bring my grandparent's up, or sometime my grandparent's are already at my parent's (like this year).

Our Christmas Tree
(though I admit that I'm cheating... this is actually from last year, as this year I was lazy and didn't break our my camera once! But it looked pretty much the same)

Soon we will start making our own Christmas traditions (this year we've started a collection of Christmas DVDs and VHS), maybe as soon as next year (our first Christmas as a married couple), but I can't imagine giving up a lot of the ones that my parent's have done with us for so long.

The only two very different things this year: 1. Travis' parent's were in AZ... and we didn't see them at all around the holidays. 2. The first Christmas without Kelly... :-(

But despite those two sad bits, Christmas was absolutely wonderful. We all got great stuff that we love, and we all ate waayyy too much... and it was just perfect.

Yesterday was back to business as usual (HAPPY BIRTHDAY PATRICK!!!!!!)... work. It was busy enough though, that I didn't have a worry about being bored. Last night was quieter then normal... our TV is on its last legs, so we just relaxed and read and did some emailing. Tonight hopefully I can use our quiet TV free time to get some chores done.

Today and the next few days will be same old, same old... but I have a half day on Friday and another long weekend (Monday off) thanks to New Years.

Start thinking about those resolutions!!

just for stupid fun

You Are a New School Democrat

You like partying and politics - and are likely to be young and affluent.

You're less religious, traditional, and uptight than most Democrats.

Smoking pot, homosexuality, and gambling are all okay in your book.

You prefer that the government help people take care of themselves.

What Your Underwear Says About You

When you're bad, you're very bad. And when you're good, you're still trouble!

You're sexy, in that pinup girl, tease sort of way.


did you miss me?

Soon I shall post all about my Christmas pleasentries... but until then:

Let's reminisce together, shall we? Courtesy of So Not Martha....

RULES: If your eyes are passing over this right now, (even if we don't speak often) please post a comment here on my blog with a COMPLETELY MADE UP AND FICTIONAL CHRISTMAS (or New Year's) MEMORY of you and me. It can be anything you want - good or bad - BUT IT HAS TO BE FAKE. And, if you feel like it, when you're finished leaving your comment, post this little paragraph on your blog and be surprised (or mortified) with the memories people create... (isn't this fun?)
Happy Christmahannukwanzaka everyone!


friday, sort of.

Happy day before the day before the day before Christmas!
I have no work tomorrow, which is brilliant. Love it. I also love wine... which was broken out in abundance at yesterday's lunchtime work Christmas party (which is funny because 75% of the office is Jewish). Along with the Presidents scotch-whiskey and cognac. Couple that with a bunch of food, including two decadent cakes (chocolate & vanilla), and we had all the makings of a very sleepy and unproductive afternoon. At least it wasn't only me. But honestly, who has a party like that in the middle of the day. I could have gone right to sleep... instead I stared at my computer screen in a comatose fashion for the last 2.5 hours of the day. But it was fun, and we had a good time. And today will definitely be more productive.
Got home last night and found a box shoved in our side door from his brother and sister-in-law... I'm wearing my new undershirt and sweater today. They are great. Well technically our neighbor found the box and alerted us... because honestly, who puts the box in the side door?! I mean, I know the delivery person probably figured it was safer, but due to the freezing weather and therefore the not openning doors more then needed, we wouldn't have noticed until spring.
But luckily we have great neighbors.

I also, have decided on a list of things I am thankful for:
After reading Permanent Vacation, I've decided that I am glad that I have no more Christmas shopping to do (hallelujah!).
After reading Dooce, I've decided that I'm glad I don't have children at the moment... while they might provide much material for blogging, they might also provide explosions of poop. Which the dog eats. Say it with me now... ewwwww. (ps. just so you all know, I think her child is wonderful, and don't take it the wrong way.)
After reading Chattababy, I've decided that I'm glad I don't know anyone named Mimi.

I think that I am very tired of linking to a million blogs everytime I talk about them, so it is about damn time that i update my links (see right side), and include all the wonderful blogs that I scope out on a daily basis. That way you can find them yourself.

Finally, to close... since I probably won't be "seeing" you again until Tuesday, here is a Holiday version of Thursday Thirteen (thanks to Agog and Agast):

Thirteen Things I'll Be Doing over Christmas Vacation:
1. Decorating the Christmas tree.
2. Hanging stockings.
3. Eating...
4. Eating A LOT.
5. Drinking wine... oh sweet nector of the gods.
6. Giving people presents (I love this part).
7. Openning presents (this isn't so bad either).
8. Seeing what will probably end up being Way too much family. (His grandfather, his aunt/uncle/2 cousins and maybe some of their kids, my parents, my brother, my grandparents, my uncle/aunt/2 cousins... and maybe more)
9. Wishing for a white Christmas (perfect if its there when we wake up Christmas morning)...
10. Wishing for no snow when it's time to drive home on the 26th.
11. Watching Christmas movies, including "A Christmas Story" probably 3+ times due to the marathon they run every 25th of December.
12. More wine, and more food. Clearly.
13. Enjoying this wonderful time of year with family friends food wine and fun. I love the holidays!

Merry Christmas Everyone!!!!!!!!! I hope they are all that you could wish for.


where have all the cowboys gone?

This is going to be short because I want this to basically say one thing:

My thoughts and prayers go out to my friend, Jon, who lost his father Monday night. I hope that your family will be okay during this painful time.

On a small and insignificant side note: at least yesterdays post did not go more like this...
okay. That's all.


Warning: The following post contains much discussion of poop, and pooping. Read at your own risk.

So normally I'm a once every day and a half to every other day pooper... (hey, I warned you)... but lately I have been pooping once or twice every single day. I'm a little creeped out. I feel like I'm constantly pooping.
All. The. Time.
It's not like I'm eating more either. I'm eating the same amount of the same stuff, except for a little bit of holiday candy thrown in. But not nearly enough to account for this! It's not really a problem (hell, if I lose some weight because of my pooping, I'm just fine with that... hopefully I will poop away my thighs before the end of January), but its just odd.

Anyway. Today is pretty damn quiet. My boss is out right now because his wife (who also works here) got sick, so he had to take her home. I'm taking it easy right now, slowly sorting thru the MASSIVE amounts of work emails I need to take care of... I got most of my stuff taken care of yesterday (go productive me), so I figure I can dawdle a bit today.
I'm also, once again, constantly thinking about babies. And pregnancy. But that's a lifetime away, and I need to think about getting through the next 9+ months until our wedding.

Okay, I should go get some work done now.


so all it takes is presents...

You have to love that cap!! :-)

So I see what it takes to get my loyal readers to respond... the promise of christmas presents. Well, as long as you all show your love eventually.

This past weekend was pretty joyus. There was, of course, my trip to see Babwa. Pictures are below, and here are some notable quotes (please ignore the fact that most of these are in fact about bodily functions, we did talk about other things):
... you're Satanic, and I'm standing in poop. This is not a good time.
Oh, you know how has a problem with clogging the toilets... Lol, Oh
Yes, she did it again. Oh, and your bath towels were the closest thing.
Oh... I think I just peed a little.
Here's what you need to do. You need to say feces more then once, and you need
to say rotting.

Here is the hot mama herself... in the midst of a hair "tune-up".

Oh yes, friday and saturday were just non-stop fun. We had a great time, and with a ton of her close friends, who are also great. Graduation went relatively quickly, and we headed out to eat afterwards at this place called Smokey Bones. They are amazing! Great food, and the people were so friendly. After all was said and done and we were all back to our cars (we carpooled to and from the restaurant), it was after 4! So I didn't get home until after 6... at which point my sweet fiance had dinner all ready and waiting for me. We were in bed early that night (around 9:30!), because I was exhausted... and slept for about 12 hours! It was amazing.

Waiting at Smokey Bones.

(l-r, on couch: J-core, Yiv, K-trout, Babs, and Moi...
I'm not ignoring the other girl, I just feel bad because I can't remember her name!)

Sunday was a lazy day, we relaxed a lot. Took a nice walk in the morning. That evening we headed over to Rochelle & Pat's for dinner. We stopped at Target and J.C.Penny's on the way because we had some time to kill. I got a new coat and a new pair of gloves, because I needed a nice coat that I could wear with anything, and my old gloves were falling apart.
Ro & Pat's was fun... she cooked a great meal of chicken and dumplings, and then we exchanged presents, and played a game of Settlers of Catan. After that it was time to head home.

Now its work time, and less then a week until Christmas. I have plenty of work to get done, so off I go!


special reading

Everyone (especially those with children) should read this entry by Susan of Friday Playdate.
She is a smart women.


F-R-I-D-A-Y.... friday friday friday!

Dear Santa,
I feel that I have been pretty good this year. I haven't been too much of a b*tch (can't completely change who I am!), and I've tried to be understanding of Travis' needs. I hope that you can give presents to all the children, and all the nice people in the world. Not the mean ones, just the nice ones.
Please bring extra presents to the following people for making me laugh this year: the ChattaFamily, LehighBaby & Co., the Fearsome (soon-to-be) Foursome - aka. Poop&Boogies, the crazy SAHFam (Stay at Home Family) of Dooce, the Waterlogged Mainliners, Friday Playdate, and last but not least - Trent, my resource for all that is gossip. Without them, I might have gotten a bit more done at work, but I would have been in much worse spirits.
Thank you very much Santa.

Your ever-changing, yet humble, women of yearning,

PS. If you so happen to have a few bottles of nice white wine, some great sharp cheddar cheese or feta or some other cheese made with the fine fine liquids a la goat in that bag of yours... you would make me the happiest little wino in Philly.
Oh, and a wedding. That would be nice too...


I'm in a great mood today, what with it being friday and the weather being practicallly tropical compared to what it has been for the past few days. Plus, I've been so very productive today! It's great.
I've also eaten enough candy (chocolate licorice, japanese fruit gummy candies, malted milk balls, mini nonperils, etc! - all that people have brought into the office... damn them) that I swear I've gain at least a pound or two since this morning, but that is a whole other story.

Tonight I am heading up to my best friend in the whole wide world, Heather's, to spend the evening since tomorrow morning she is GRADUATING. Go Babs!! I've very excited for her, she's worked very hard for this. She also went for and got the job that she really wanted, something that she will love... which isn't something everyone can say! Anyway... we always have a great time together, and I'm sure tonight will be no exception.

Okay, I'm going to run with this productive thing.
Have a great weekend!

my new pet


Pikko is tiny. She hangs out with a Meera, because she likes Meera's gingerbread cookies. She hopes that if she eats a lot of cookies, she will someday grow bigger.

- hopefully you will all grow to love her, as I will love her


10 days?! are you freakin kidding me?!

I'm so not feeling it that Christmas is only 10 days away. I mean, the weather is right, and I'll certainly enjoy the days off of work, the time with family, and the celebrating of the holiday itself... but honestly it still doesn't seem like that time of year. We are just over two weeks away from the end of the year! So much is coming up in 2006. I feel like I've been waiting for this year to end and the new year to begin for decades already. But now that it is here, I don't know if I'm ready! There is so much to take in, to get done, to experience. I will definitely enjoy the holiday break and the fact that it will give me a chance to stop and relax for a bit, just enjoy the now instead of looking forward to what's to come. But I still can't believe how fast time has passed. I haven't even gotten to watch that many Christmas movies yet! I've seen Miracle on 34th St., and How the Grinch Stole Christmas... but thats about it. Christmas day will take care of A Christmas Story (they always have the marathon, I love that)... but I have to see A Christmas Carole, White Christmas, It's a Wonderful Life, and The Night they Saved Christmas.

Everyone start thinking about your New Years Resolutions.

That's all for now. Lots to catch up on from my non-productivity.


just because...


Two roads diverged in a yellow wood
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth

Then took the other as just as fair
And having perhaps the better claim
Because it was grassy and wanted wear
Though as for that, the passing there
Had worn them really about the same

And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet, knowing how way leads onto way
I doubted if I should ever come back

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence
Two roads diverged in a wood
And I took the one less traveled by
And that has made all the difference

Robert Frost

from barry

A little stroll down memory lane... as best I can.

10 years ago - I was in my last year at the middle school, dealing with my father's depression, my own depression. Excited to go to the high school, worried about being without my best friend (who's a year younger then me). Nothing much, I was 13! Lol.

5 years ago- I was in my first year at college, away from home and enjoying all the freedom which that allowed. I was in a new relationship with Travis and enjoying getting to know him, as well as playing with who I was and wanted to be. I had just gotten my first tattoo. It was a fresh start with all new people. I didn't sleep much, but I had a lot of fun, and met some people that would become my closest friends.

1 year ago- Travis and I were living with a friend from college, Mike. I was to the point of being comfortable at work, and looking forward to our first Christmas while living together (livin-in-sin, as some like to say). He had a ring... and I was waiting for it, hoping it would be coming soon, but not knowing for sure.

Yesterday - Yesterday was just another day at work... very quiet though with the boss out. Trav and I had a nice time though in the evening... we put up and decorated our mini Christmas tree. Oh, and I did manage to finish my Christmas shopping with a quick run out to grab something for Trav. He already has his done.

Okay, now your turn.


back and forth and back and forth and back and ...

I'm so listless today. I check my work email, look at whatever comes in, decide that I can take care of it later, check my personal email, look at whatever comes in, decide that most of it is junk, delete it, stare at the computer screen for a while, half-heartedly attempt to get a piece of paperwork taken care of, repeat. I think I am getting back into my "I need a new job that is more gratifying, doesn't make me feel like I wasted 4 years of college, and of course pays much better" phase. The money thing is of course spurred by the wedding thing. Of course, this happens to just be a more stressful time of year.
But things at home are great. After starting out a little sheepishly, we had a great night last night (cooked super delicious stuffed chicken... mmm), and I look forward every day to going home and being with Travis. Work just a bit of a drag right now (which you've probably noticed over the last week plus), and I can't figure out exactly why. Nothing has really changed since November, and at the beginning of that month I had "found my groove" so to speak, and was just rolling along. I was productive and feeling good about work. Not so much now.
(check email, check email, glance at work pile, and I'm back....)

In other news (real news), how does everyone feel about the execution of "Tookie" Williams? This is such a charged topic, and honestly I'm torn. On one hand, he may just be a cold-blooded killer, and why should he get to live out his days when his victims can't? On the other hand, the man was nominated for the Nobel Peace Prize, and has done so much work to turn kids away from gangs since his incarceration. That makes me think that if anyone should have their sentence converted to life in prison, it should be him... it seems like he could do more good that way. But in any case, it doesn't really matter now does it?

Okay, well I'm going to chow... then hopefully I can get my ass back in gear.



Honestly, this weekend was too short and too long all at the same time. Friday was exciting because my wedding dress finally came! I immediately had to take it upstairs, hide in the extra bedroom, and try it on. It fits pretty damn good (which either means their size 4 is different then a DB size 4, or I have gained weight... I'm going with the first choice), except of course for the fact that I will have to have it taken up about 10ft because I am damn short. That was expected though... bottom line: I Love It!!
Saturday morning I got up and got ready and headed up to stop by my parents and then to my hair appt. Unfortunately, my parents weren't around (thanks for mentioning bro!) so I ended up being real early to the hair dressers. Luckily she did not care and I just read mags until it was my turn. Then I got my hair washed, trimmed, and styled (normally I just do the cut, but it was a very nice treat!). It was super relaxing. After that I headed to see Laura, Rick, the quads, and the babe. Trav and I now have 3 adorable flowergirls, and 1 handsome ringbearer. Yay! After that I headed back home, and that night Trav and I went to his company Christmas party. It was a fun time... free food, free drinks, and I finally got to meet a lot of his coworkers that I have heard so much about. We had a really good time! I loved ending the night playing the Touch Screen with Trav... we always get a little wrapped up in that.
Sunday was our lazy day... we actually slept in (until about 10:30!!), then just lounged around for a while. We headed out to pick up some stuff, and when we got back decided to do our outside holiday decorating. First we wrapped the railing along the front of our porch with garland, then with white lights over top. We also wrapped the railing along the stairs with garland, and stuck our golden raindeer on the front porch. I think it looks pretty cute. Of course it is hard to compete with our neighbors, as every house surrounding us looks like Christmas threw up on it. Our style is slightly more understated.

Anyway, we are both getting pretty frustrated with wedding stuff again. I think for a while we were just cruising along on a wave of excitement after finding our ceremony/rehearsal site, and officiant, and all that stuff... but money is just such a downer. Unfortunately that put us both in a bit of a mood Sunday afternoon and we ended up getting in a tiff over some stupid little thing. We were kind of quiet the rest of the night and while we weren't angry with each other per se, we just didn't really talk much the end of the day. And no snuggling at night, which left me feeling very lonely. I should have just rolled over and hugged the boy, but what can I say... I'm stubborn.
Its just very frustrating because I don't want to focus on the money stuff... all it does is make me feel down. But obviously I know that we can't just ignore it either.
Maybe the karma that this family has been building up for the past 40 years will finally come back around to us and we'll win the lottery or something. But I'm not even going to cross my fingers for that one.

Okay, back to work.


ps. ...

I almost forgot:

1. I got the pictures to work in this post.
2. We picked and booked our officiant!!!!!!!!!!! Yay!

Okay, that's all.

sleep stripping

Lately Travis has been dealing with an unusual sleep "problem"... sleep stripping. The kid doesn't walk in his sleep, doesn't talk in his sleep, but more then once now he has woken up without pants on. I mean, completely naked on the bottom.
Now this is a "problem" as opposed to a problem because he's not going to hurt himself doing this, it hasn't bothered me yet (or him until the morning), and really its only a big mystery. It's just weird, waking up without your pants on and having no idea why. He doesn't remember taking them off, and there are no, uh... signs of sex (which I won't describe here, as you all know what they are anyway, and at the risk of attracting every perv on Google to this post)... so the question remains, how are his pants coming off?

On another note: how did everyone get to work this morning (people from the south: barry, bill, mary, etc... you guys just keep your warm, non-snow covered mouths shut!!)?! The roads around Philly, at least on my side, were terrible! Luckily I only had to go about a mile to get to the train station, because i didn't get above 15mph the whole time. It was like they plowed without putting the plow all the way down. Oh, and I get to work around 9:20 because my train was 20 minutes late... and find that my boss had left me a message on my work phone at 9am (aka when i get into work) saying that I could decide if I wanted to come in or not. A lot of good that did! Oh well, I probably would have come anyway... due to my recent rash of anti-productivity (I was not only unproductive, but I believe I actually sucked some of the productivity from the rest of the office into the black hole of productiveness).

Okay, well I'm going to get to my productive day (yeah, personal peptalk). At least today is a friday... so everyone enjoy their weekend and drive safe.


some days you just feel off...

...that has been the past week for me. I really dislike sitting at the front desk (which you have probably noticed). I get thrown outta wack. This week it has been so much worse then normal. I'm having a lot of trouble getting work done, and at this point am basically getting done only what I need to do to keep from getting trouble. Honestly I might as well be staring at the wall mumbling to myself. I swear, this conversation I had with Lauren earlier (love IM) was the best thing I did all day, my chance to shine!

Lauren: i have to poop btw
Me: oh good, i was wondering about that.
Me: really, i think about your bowels all the time.
5 minute pause
Me: btw, sorry i wasn't talking. i went and took a poop...
Me: you inspired me
Lauren: HAHAH
Lauren: im inspirational!
Lauren: how was the poop
Me: satisfying, thanks for asking
Lauren: im here for you

Doesn't that just scream motivation? (oh, and I believe there has not been nearly enough poop talk on the web lately, and i am doing my part to change that.)

Oh good, I just got salad dressing all over myself too. I might as well give up and go home now.
I did however, find two beautiful, brand new pashminas online which I am going to buy for two lucky ladies (i know who they are and I'm not telling!) for Christmas. I love checking things off my Christmas list. My family is almost done (just have to finish my dad), his family is almost done (just have to grab something for his bro), my babwa is done, my hoser is done, Ro & Pat are pretty much done (just have to pick the damn thing up!), Megan and Mike are done (pretty much), hmm... who else is left? Oh! Laura and Rick are done, I just have to get the kids stuff and that is pretty much it.
So at least that makes me feel a bit more sucessful. Of course there are holiday cards to think about, and the fact that we should probably firm up our guess list and maybe find some save the dates to send out... oh boy. I'm just going to revert to basking in the glory of almost being done with the Christmas shopping.

Is it 5 yet?!
I can't even take a walk to "recenter" myself, considering it is a whopping 33 degrees (feels like 29 degrees according to

Okay, I'm going to stop eating and get back to work. Knowing my luck, I'll find my groove and start to be able to get things done at, oh, 4:59...


rum, because its a day that ends in a 'y'

Life is more fun when you have some rum...
unfortunately i don't really have rum because I am still at work. But, I would so drink rum right now if I had some!!
It's a late night for me here at the office. I hate that, but sometimes it just has to be done. So I'm sitting here, alone save for one other person at the other end of the office... (well, and the whole conference room full of people, but they are complete seperate from me, and don't their own thing)... right now i'm trying to get ahold of the damn judge that i talked to before (re: officiating) to let him know that we think we settled on someone else, but since apparently this guy does not believe in answering his phone or using an answering machine, there isn't much else I can do.
Besides, my mind is anywhere else today... and for me, anywhere else often means the gutter. Well, lately wedding stuff as well, but mostly the gutter.

Anyway, before this post goes down a road that no one wants to take (my physical Inbox for example, right Barry?)... i want to give a huge shout of "Congratulations" to my Babwa... my Maid of Honor, my best friend for the past 19 years, and now a brand new employee of Keynote. She has worked hard to get there, and now she is where she wants to be... which not everyone can say, so I'm so happy for her. Any of you that know her should send her some love too.

I Love You Babwa! You rock my world!!
Okay, time for me to eat... before I start digesting myself.

mawage is wat bwings us togeda today

The Princess Bride
I'm sure it's no big surprise to you that your
romance is The Princess Bride. A heartwarming
tale of "Twue Wuve" that has giants,
Spainards and swashbuckling. You really do
think that love can overcome anything. You may
be a touch naive but your heart is certainly in
the right place. You've probably got one of
those relationships where proper nouns have
been replaced with "Snookums" and
"Pookie Pie". Eww. Beware a cuteness

What Romance Movie Best Represents Your Love Life?
brought to you by Quizilla


tuesday... yup.

Well, the weekend was (of course) done in the blink of an eye! It was a nice time. Friday we just relaxed, drank a bit of wine. Saturday early afternoon we headed over to see the Holiday Inn done up for a wedding, and the experience left us feeling very good about the whole thing. Raymond was so great with them about working towards what the bride wanted for the day, and had no problem with taking care of those last minute details. He really went all out for them, and I have no doubts at all that he will do the same for us. After that we went and did some shopping (my brother - done, rochelle and pat - mostly done, my dad - hopefully done, heather - done), which was a good time... before heading to Rochelle & Pat's for dinner. Ro made this yummy chicken and dumplings *which she needs to email me the recipe for, since I forgot to get it from her then*... it was very good. Then we played a fun board game, and they gave us these awesome candle lights for our windows.
Sunday morning we woke up to find snow all over the ground! It was really pretty, but I don't know if I was ready for it... especially since it kept Heather from coming to join us at David's Bridal. Oh well, Lauren, Rochelle, and I had a great time. I took a picture of Ro in the dress, but where is it? Obviously still on my camera. First thing we did that morning though, was head to JCPenny's for their sale (all Trav!), and did just a little more Christmas shopping (trav - mostly done). Back home to relax and get ready, then my girls came over and off we went to David's, then to lunch. Good times.

Not the right color, but you get the idea... pretty right?! :-)

So the first two bridesmaid dresses are ordered, and the two Megan's, and Heather are just going to run out and grab theirs on their own (since DB is f*ed up). You should head over to Rochelle's blog and read her boob rant... its pretty amusing, and ya'll know I love to talk about boobs and butts. Lol.

After that I went back home and relaxed with Travis for a bit before he took me to the train station to head into the city. Due to the very early time I had to be at work Monday morning, to set up for our all day conference, work put me up in the city for the night. So I headed into the city, walked to my hotel, then got into my snuggly PJ and relaxed in bed for a little while watching some TV.

Yesterday was the work day from hell. Well, I guess it wasn't that bad, the event went smoothly... but it was just so long and boring for me, and the set up was rushed and behind schedule because I had to do a lot of it myself. It wasn't anyones fault (except when the place temporarily lost 4 of our boxes of stuff!!!), but poor Miyano was sick, so I didn't have her. Then there are those people who show up 40 minutes early (between 10-15 minutes early is all you need, no more!) and want to sign in, while I'm still trying to set up the room! So that was just a little stress first thing in the morning. But overall the day was fine... although the highlight was definitely getting home.

So hopefully soon we will have an officiant to add to our list of completed wedding decisions. I found someone I really like and Trav seems to like her too... so I just have to get a reply about a pricing question and we will probably book! Yay!!!

As for today... well I'm at the front desk (Miyano left today for a week in Japan), and I never really love that, but the day is fine besides. I'm having trouble being productive... but finding plenty of things to keep me busy!! Lol. Reading blogs, checking email, and IMing periodically with my hobag, Lauren (seen here with her bf Mike, looking perdy at his work Christmas party):

Isn't she gorgeous?! :-)

Okay, well I do have to go and be productive now. Right... Wish me luck with that one!


* great galloping sighs of relief *

There is nothing like a Friday afternoon, when your boss leaves early, and you've accomplished most of your pressing projects, and you have the whole busy (but in a good way) weekend ahead of you.

Today has been busy but fun... and honestly that is enough in my job, to make me want to run down the street, twirling and singing "we are the world". Days like this make me love life in such a way so as to disgust myself. Isn't it great. Travis had the day off, so we've been periodically chatting on IM... and I get to look forward to one of my favorite dinners (shrimp alfredo on garlic & herb pasta with garlic bread and something green on the side) when I get home. Oh, there will also be wine! And you all know how I feel about wine!

Tomorrow we will do some shopping, then run out to the Holiday Inn to see it all set up for a wedding, then something until 6 when we are heading to dinner at Rochelle and Pat's. Sunday we will wake up to do some more shopping (one store, I think it is JCPenny's, is having a big one day sale... so we are definitely hitting that up), then back home to get all ready for my bridesmaids coming over to go get measured and order their bridesmaids dresses! Woo-hoo. Lunch with the girls after that, then back home to relax for a bit... then later that evening I will be heading into the city to spend the night at the Union League, where my work is having a big conference all day Monday... so that I can get up at the asscrack of dawn to help set up.

Hopefully we can do a little decorating this weekend for the ever looming, fast approaching holidays. I love Christmas, but boy do I feel completely not ready this year. Maybe a little decorating (hanging stockings, lights outside?, etc.) will help change that. Snow might too... which is what they are calling for Sunday night and Monday.

Okay, time for me to wrap things up here... have a good weekend all!


thirsty thursday

Once again it is time for...

Don't you love it?! I do! :-) I will have to be a little unoriginal today... since my work computer is not exactly loaded with half-naked pictures!! Lol.

First, we have my precious Lauren... maybe she's not really half naked, but close enough. Lol! Love those sexy thighs... I like my women transluscent!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Love you hoser!

And what is cuter then baby nakedness?! ... Here's Brenna!!

Babies are the best for cute pictures.

Anyway, not too much new to report here. Just glad that the weekend is so soon. I'm looking forward to some fun times with my girls this Sunday. Last night was nice... no more migrane, yay! Trav and I ate our leftovers, and relaxed for a bit. Today has been a slow work day. I have plenty to keep me busy, but am just so distracted (not a good thing). I'm really going to have to get to it for the next hour, because after that I will be out of the office at an event.
It looks like there will be lots of work for me tomorrow.

O-K. Time to get to it.



Hump day... half way thru the week.

Last nights dinner was nice... except for the fact that I only at about 3 bites of food, due the the fact that I felt nauseous, due the the horrid migrane I was developing. By the time dinner was done, I had to battle not to throw up... as soon as we left I was laying down in the car, coat covering my eyes, doing some deep breathing. When we got home, it was right to bed.

At least today I am feeling very rested.
And have leftovers to look forward to.

PF Chang's is still a great restaurant.
And Raymond makes me happy about our decision to go with the Holiday Inn.


third and final time i am making a new entry today...

I swear I am done after this, if only because I then have to leave to get my train. I just had to pass this on... it is a comment I definitely stole from Friday Playdate, because of a story she was telling about her son losing the tip of his toe (I jest not), and the use of the adult voice so as to not scare the children more.

When I was 12 or so, my sister (who was about 3) ran into a table that had her dinner on it (apparently she was so excited about eating whatever it was that she had to RACE towards it) and she started screaming. When I looked up, she had a fork in her forehead.

I totally remember the Adult Calm Voice; it's hilarious when the words uttered are "Oh! Susie has a fork in her forehead! I think we should probably go to the hospital. Would you please call Daddy?"

Okay, did that not make you laugh?! Don't tell me it didn't because you would be a liar!
Now, if you haven't already, feel free to see the other random post below, then the real post for the day below that.

when i have a baby, they are getting this

Just one a side note, I found this today and think it is the neatest thing.

Teach them young, so that they can grow up money aware. :-)

just one of those days.

So today is a boring day. Nothing bad, just boring. My co-worker Miyano (who normally sits at the front desk) is out today... so I unfortunately have to sit in her place. It's a lot harder for me to get work done up here... more distractions, including the being uprooted from my own desk one... plus having to use a different computer. I feel "off" because of it. Just a little distracted.
Anyway. Tonight, Trav and I are meeting at the Media train station and driving out to Springfield to go to PF Chang's with Raymond from the Holiday Inn in West Chester. We're going to get the rest of our questions answered and probably sign some paperwork (thankfully!). The best part is, the meal is on the hotel. :-) Yay. We've also started the photographer, dj, and officiant searches. And I'm already quite ready to be done with this wedding planning.
Oh well, I'm just ready for the weekend to come. Althought for every week we speed through, we are one week closer to Christmas... and while normally I start my shopping in October and am mostly done by now... this year I've hardly even started!! I have three gifts of about 20 that I need. So over lunch today I spent some time putting together a list of shopping I have to do. I'm sure it will get done somehow. A few lunchtime runs to the Shops at Liberty Place... some weekend excursions to the mall... and surely some online shopping... and hopefully it will all be done by the 20th at the latest. I feel like my gifts are a lot less creative and personal then normal. But this year I just feel so short on time, energy, and most of all, money. I will make due, and I will definitely give it my best, but hopefully no one will be disappointed.
Well, that's about all for me. I'm off to get some more work done. If anyone knows some talented, professional, and majorly inexpensive (yea, that is that hard part) photographers/djs/officiants in the Philadelphia area.... LET ME KNOW!!!


pictures pictures pictures...

I finally got around to downloading my pictures... and all it took was a five day weekend. :-)
For your viewing pleasure:

Ethan's play:

(Ethan is in the center, in the tux)

For more pictures, go to my photo page and click on the "Ethan doing Drama" folder.


For more pictures, go to my photo page and click on the "Misc. Family and Friend" folder, and scroll to the bottom.

Pro shots from Ro & Pat's wedding:

(this is my favorite shot... and their "official" wedding picture.)

For more pictures, go to Rochelle's blog and her picture page.

I hope you enjoyed them. Lol, heaven knows they took long enough to get here.
So this weekend Travis and I officially started our search for the photographer, officiant, and DJ for our wedding. I'm already going insane. Oh well... only 10 months, 2 weeks, and a day to go! Okay, I have so much work to get done today! Ciao!!


i am thankful...

I might complain sometimes, but I have so much to be thankful for. Today was a great day. We got up to my parents a little after noon... and just relaxed, helped cooked, etc until some family friends showed up at 4ish. We at so much good food (turkey, mashed potatoes, gravy, cornbread muffins, chestnut stuffing, corn, cranberry sauce, brussel sprout cassarole, brownies, and pie)... and talked, drank wine, laughed, listened to music, etc. It was wonderful. Obviously our plans changed a little at the last minute (if you remember, we were originally going to my Uncles in DC), but things turned out wonderfully.

This Thanksgiving, I give thanks to God for all that he has provided:
1. My engagement to Travis... actually Travis (period). He is so much to me, and I am thankful everyday that we found each other, and that we will get to spend our lives together.
2. My incredible family, and the strength we pull from each other. My parents... Brother... Grandmum and Pop... wonderful Uncles (and Aunts!)... etc.
3. Better friends then I feel I could have ever hoped for... friends that are always there when I need them... including my best friend for 19 years now - Heather.
4. A house to call my own.
5. That we finally found a reception site!!!

I hope that you have your own list of things to be thankful for, and I hope at this time of year you take the time to think of them... and really be happy for them. There are a lot of people out there that don't have the things to be thankful for that we do... but you can bet that they are counting what blessings they do have.

Happy Thanksgiving all.


you all know that my hobag is all that is hotness...

Well, its tuesday morning... which this week is my friday. I took tomorrow off and work is closed thursday and friday, so I have a 5 day weekend to look forward to as soon as I get thru today. And I have plenty to keep me busy today.

Yesterday evening I took the train out to Exton, as Travis and I had an appointment in West Chester at the Holiday Inn, where it looks like we have finally decide to have our wedding. It's not my dream place, but its nice, and the rooms are nice, and they are really working with us on the pricing. However, if we weren't so set on it, we probably would have told them to "go f*ck themselves" yesterday, since we showed up for our meeting (which had already been rescheduled), and there was no person there to meet us. R, whom is our contact there and we were supposed to meet first on thursday, then yesterday at 6:15, didn't show. He hasn't emailed, hasn't called, nothing. We were/are not happy, to say the least. I figure, if I don't get an email by the time the day is done, he's going to get an angry one from me.

But at least, in the end the night was not a complete disappointment. We used the opportunity to stop at a sushi restarant on the way home and eat a nice relaxing dinner. Trav treated me because he's just that much of a sweetie. Then we headed home, watched a little football, and off to bed.

I'm very excited for tonight... well, basically everything after work today. Tonight we are meeting Mike and Megan to finally see the new Harry Potter movie. I can not wait! I'm definitely a bit HP obsessed. I just think they are such great books, they really suck you into the story... you constantly are looking forward to what happens next, and the wait between books is excruciating! The movies are so well done too.

Tomorrow we will get to sleep in a bit, then a visit from the RotorRooter guy to hopefully clear up our little leak problem, then just relaxing and preparing for Thanksgiving at my parents (packing, picking up some yummy wine, getting all the stuff out of my car, gasing up, etc). Thursday morning we head up...
And then there will be the eating! Oh, I love the eating! Turkey, mashed potatoes and homemade gravy, cranberry sauce, crescent rolls, beans, pie, etc. etc. etc.! Everything is always so good, and we all eat so much. It will be hard, as it will be the first trip to my parents since Kelly died, but it will be so good to spent the family time together, and see some longtime family friends that will be joining us.

Friday at some point we will be heading back home (unless we decide to stay a second night, but probably not)... then, after all that, we still have the weekend left!! I'm not sure yet what we will be doing for the weekend, but I'm sure we'll figure something out.

So, as you can probably tell, I still don't have pictures to show you. I'm so lazy about doing it. But, it will give you something to look forward to... as I probably won't be blogging for the next few days.

So until next time, Happy Thanksgiving!!!

ps. Much love to Tamara... I love my site more and more everyday (even if you brats have not said a damn word either way)!! Thanks chickie!!

the arc in Paris

Just for your viewing pleasure... because it is so pretty!!!


just for shits and giggles...

So this weekend was definitely interesting... good, but I'm exhausted from it and ultimately glad that it is over. I had an awesome time seeing everyone... especially my hobags Lauren and Hannah, whom I haven't seen in forever (or at least that is what it felt like). Good stuff. Lehigh lost, which is bad stuff. Lauren's ass however, is great stuff... and I have a picture (I'm not sure who took it, but I stole it far and square).

Oh yes. It was that kind of weekend.

Now, I have yet to download any of my pictures from this weekend... but here's something else to keep you entertained.

You're Ash, baby.
Gimme some sugar baby.

Which B-Movie Badass Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla


TFGIFF...F!!! (if you can't figure it out, all i did was add my favorite four letter word a few times)

Today is a big day in the blogger world...
First, everyone must head over to Poop and Boogies, to learn Bill and Lauren's secret, and congratulate them accordingly. Very exciting news.
Oh, and do me a favor and figure it out yourself... don't cheat and just read the comments.

Secondly, if you all have been searching for that perfect Christmas present for me, and just can't figure it out (wedding stuff always accepted)... dooce dot com is once again here to save the day. This, my friends, is all i want for Christmas.

Thirdly, just for shits and giggles... head to the Chattababy site to check out their rocking new masthead. Fun for the whole family. Everyone needs a cause to unite for.

Today is great. Not only is it friday, but it is the friday of Lehigh/Lafayette. For those of you who did not attend either Lehigh or Lafayette... this is a BIG week. Saturday is the biggest game of the year for us, not because of standing or playoffs or any of that, but because this is our biggest rivalry... and the most played rivalry in college football. We are nationally known for our rivalry. It is actually an entry requirement at both schools that you hate the other (okay, i exaggerate... but close enough). Because of all this, it has become a week long celebration of drunken debauchery. Due to my graduation, it has been, for me (and most alumni), reduced to a weekend long celebration of semi-drunken not so much debauchery... but it is still big (HUGE), and it is still great. So many alumni come back to visit (i'm talking alumni from the 50s, that are still coming back almost yearly), its almost like a reunion weekend. I'm very excited... and I'm sure I'll have some great pictures to show upon my return.

Here are two from about two years ago, to get you in the mood:

Johnson and I finding a new and inspired way to play beirut. The disadvantages far outweighed the advantages. And laughing about it afterwards.

On that note, its time to get this day going, so that I can get on with the weekend!


blue day... god i love it

Do you see? Do you? Do you?

If not, refresh... and refresh again!!

It's exciting. And new. And a good change.
Everyone needs one of those somethimes. :-)

Tamara is a goddess... visit her at and tell her how great she is! Yayayay!

Days like this are wonderful. Sure it is a Thursday, but I got to come in late. Like 11:45 late. Sure I didn't leave work until 8:30 yesterday, and because my train was an hour late I didn't get home until 10. But that doesn't matter because today I slept in!! And watched Nash Bridges!! (I should not brag about that should i?) And I got to come in late!! And be surprised by my page redesign being done!! I love this...
Today I will not think about depressing things because it is a good day.

Later addition:
I have decided to take part in


Why? Why not?!

Honestly, I found two old pictures, one of myself and one of Trav, which I would have no reason to show other then that we are half naked (no, you don't get to see anything naughty, except for two of my five kickin tattoos). We do however, happen to be horribly sunburned.

You think that is bad... look at his.

Honestly, we both wore sunscreen... but it was just a lot longer of a day at the beach then we had anticipated (and he is Irish, with Irish - aka pasty - skin).

Okay, your turn!


this is so not November.

Has anyone else noticed that it is November 16th and it is in fact 69 degrees out?! I just don't get it, I really don't. Although I do appreciate the mood lifter that it provides.

Monday Kelly was buried... this is what my dad wrote me about it:
it was as good a day as we could have wished for under the circumstances. digging in our soil is very hard work and ethan & i did it side by side. we talked throughout the work & during the couple breaks we took. we cried some & laughed some....all in all a very good way to take those 1st little steps forward. just wish you & mom could have been there with us through the day.

mom came home from work a little early so we could bury kelly before dark. i uncovered kelly's face so mom could say a last goodbye....she looked as beautiful as ever & just like she was asleep. i had done this for ethan earlier...when we were finished digging & before i laid her down. i covered kelly back up & as we stood around her grave we each tossed in one of the mums i had cut. then i read aloud (as best i could while crying) that poem i included in the e-mail the other day... afterwards dropping it in with her. mom shared a few thoughts & recollections that came to her during the day and then as we were about to start covering her up ethan asked us to wait and ran off to the house. he came back a minute later with one last snausage treat & with a smile dropped it in for our sweet pup. then we all worked together to cover her. again we all wished you could have been here in body... but we all (including kelly) knew you were here in spirit. at least you & travis had some good time with her almost to the end... that was a blessing!

it really was a good time....a good start to closure....but just a start. we're all still going to have good times and sad times....but as time passes....slowly but surely the good memories and feelings will outnumber the sad ones.

Okay, I won't bore/depress anyone with more details of Kelly. I don't really want to talk about it anymore anyway. When I do feel like crying about it (which I do everytime I read the above), I have wonderful Travis - who listens and hugs me. He is great.

So today is a pretty normal day... besides the weather, and I have to stay late. There is a study group in the library (of our office), held by one of our scholars this evening. I have to stay to make sure everything runs smoothly, and to lock up the office when all is said and done... which probably won't be until around 8ish. Long day, but atleast I'll pretty much be able to do what I want to kill time after 5. I'll probably sit in on the meeting from its start at 4 until about 5ish, then after Miyano leaves, sit at her desk in the front and wait for the dinner to arrive. I'll eat, and then just kill time until it is over. At least there is a good dinner... ceasar salad, salmon, the best garlic bread EVER, and mini deserts. Yum.

Tomorrow Trav & I meet with a reception place for the second time, and will hopefully sign all the paperwork to officially book it. That will be a relief, we are behind on this stuff. Then Friday it is up to Lehigh for Lehigh/Lafayette weekend!!! Very exciting. It will be awesome to see everyone. This is one of the biggest weekends of the year for Lehigh, so alumni poor in en masse. Plus, it will be exciting to see all the newly engaged people and newlyweds too.

Also, hopefully by this weekend you will have a surprise when you come to visit me... I won't say more, but I'm excited for the change.


a very trying weekend

This weekend was both wonderful and horrible. It started off good. On Friday, Travis' grandfather happily agreed to be his best man. We had a relaxing night then, and Saturday headed up to my parents after lunch. That evening was the final performance of my brother's high school play, The Importance of Being Ernest, which is a very amusing farce by Oscar Wilde. It is the first high school play that my brother has done while in high school (he's a freshman), and he did a wonderful job. He was the only freshman in it... in fact, I believe everyone else was a senior. It was a lot of fun to watch, and I got some pictures of the play itself, and some good ones afterwards which I hope to post soon.
Also great was that Heather, my best friend for almost 20years (next year is our 20th "anniversary"), surprised my family and I by showing up to support my bro! It was a great surprise and we were all thrilled.
After the play was over, we dropped Ethan off at the cast party, then headed home. That's when the weekend went downhill fast.

About five weeks ago our family dog, Kelly, was diagnosed with cancer... the doctor gave her less then six weeks. They put her on steroids, which worked wonders! She had her appetite back, and was almost her old self again. She was having no pain, and could enjoy her last few weeks. Well Saturday night that changed very abruptly. Her body had reached its end point and she became very weak and unsteady. She had trouble walking, and she could hardly support herself. Sunday morning rolled around, and we knew that the end was near. My dad started calling around to see if he could find a doctor to put her to sleep. That had been the decision all along... we did not want her to suffer. As long as the meds were keeping her pain-free, then we wanted her to enjoy life as long as she could. But once we knew it wasn't working anymore, we wanted to let her go as painlessly as possible. Clearly, she was ready to go. When Travis and I left around lunch, my dad still hadn't found anyone. But eventually he did, and the doctor agreed to come to Kelly, instead of making Kelly leave her home. She apparently was a wonderful lady that truly cares about animals, and knows the pain involved in letting one go. But we are so happy that Kelly could go surrounded by family. I'm so sad that I couldn't be there, but at least I got to say goodbye... and at least she had family all around her.

To the very end she was a wonderful dog. Loving, and a real fighter (she didn't want to let go). She was so loyal, and caring...
I can't write anymore, but this is just one of the most heartbreaking things to go thru.

I miss you Kelly, I love you. I will never ever forget you.

Do not stand at my grave and weep.
I am not there, I do not sleep.
I am a thousand winds that blow,
I am the diamond glints on snow.
I am the sunlight on ripened grain,
I am the gentle autumn's rain.
When you awaken in the morning's hush,
I am the swift uplifting rush
of quiet birds in circled flight.
I am the stars that shine at night.
Do not stand at my grave and cry,
I am not there, I did not die...