where a change machine when you need one?

Has to be one of the cutest coustumes... here.

Shit Ass Ho Muderfooker...

Happy Halloween!!!!!!!!!!

This is definitely one of my favorite holidays... and I am so excited for little trick or treaters to show up at our door. :-) Hopefully we will get lots.
I couldn't believe how bright it was when I woke up this morning... too bright if you ask me for 6:58am on a monday, but it was a nice change from bumping my way down the hall in mostly dark. And I am enjoying the fact that the sun is out and is gorgeous!! Yay.

Speaking of gorgeous (she is, she is!), I finally have a picture of my fifth bridesmaid Lauren to post:

This is her and Trav at her birthday last year. Ignore Travis' face, he had fallen on it the night before. But enjoy hobag's cleavage, which she lovingly presented.

I also added the picture to the original post (here), so that you can check out my "hoes in a row" if you want. Gorgeous!

Okay, well back to work. I'm already looking forward to friday... Ro & Pat are coming over again. We had a great time last night, and I'm sure this coming weekend will be just as fun.

hiding from the sweeper... ;-)

Do you ever just have one of those wonderful days, that in its simplicity, makes you so happy to be exactly where you are at the moment? Normally I'm not a weekend blogger, but I'm having such a very relaxing happy day that I would make an exception. This weekend has been nice. Very nice. Friday we did nothing, and it was the wonderful kind of nothing that makes you happy just to be together. Saturday I had a hair appt in the afternoon right after my mom, so I headed up for that and relaxed with my mamacita... then headed back to their place for about an hour. After that I got to see Laura, Rick, & the kids, before heading home for a nice dinner with Trav. We also had fun doing some cooking together, getting everything ready and put together for the beef stew that is slow cooking in the CrockPot as we speak. Mmm. Love that stuff.
This morning we met Ro & Pat at a diner for some breakfast then came back here to clean the place up a bit. It actually looks pretty damn good. Gone are the stacks of paper and mail, gone are the boxes all over the place... and we actually have a completely open archway between living room and dining room now! Plus the bathroom has been cleaned, the kitchen wiped down, and the house vacummed. Ro & Pat will be joining us again this evening for some beef stew and some yummy wine that they got on their Murder Mystery/Wine tour... which sounded like a blast. Next year we are definitely going.
Well, I suppose that's all for me for now. I'm just so enjoying the sun, the warmth, the not having to go anywhere or do anything unless we want to... I couldn't not share. Enjoy this beautiful weather, and a relaxing weekend!!!

TGIF!!!!! oh god yes, orgasmic...

Friday never felt so good. I have a good sized blister on each foot, a new pair of shoes (free to me, thanks work!), and a huge sense of relief. The biggest event of the year (for my work... and big enough that Philly named yesterday our day!!) is OVER. Hallelujah! It's been a stress filled time waiting for it to end, but it finally has, and now I can relax a little. Last night went so smootly, honestly we couldn't have asked for more. The Westin staff was wonderful (and in the case of some, pretty cute)... professional, helpful, and they really made the event go just as planned. The food was INCREDIBLE, and Dr. Henry Kissingers speech was very interesting. He's a lot shorter then I thought he would be, but still has a very in control feel about him. It was a long day, the event not ending until about 9:50 or so, and being on our feet for much of the time, but it was worth it in the end. Since my next train didn't leave until 10:55, two of my coworkers and I hit the bar in the hotel to have a free drink (courtesy of work I might add!), before heading out for the night. Of course my train ended up being late, so I didn't get home until 12! But what can you do. I got to sleep in this morning a bit, so all is well that ends well.

I also had a little pick me up this morning in the form of a few birds. I was just out of the shower and I heard some chirping outside my steamed up window. We had the shade down, so I lifted it a bit and there were two birds hopping around on the window sill, apparently having a very animated conversation. Another bird kept flying over and the middle bird would turn and start sqwaking at it until it flew away, at which point the first two would resume their hopping and twittering. It was very amusing to watch... and since the window was steamed I'm assuming they couldn't see me because they never flew off.

Now it is just about time to start my weekend, not too much planned which sounds good to me. I can enjoy sleeping in a bit, and maybe get some work done around the house. Anyone have big weekend plans for Halloween?? What are you guys doing/dressing as? We don't real plans, although Halloween is one of our favorite holidays, this year we are definitely being a bit lazy about it. If anything we might dress up on Monday for the neighborhood kids' trick or treating. I'm definitely excited to see all the munchkins in their coustumes... we didn't get that last year and I was so disappointed.

these boots were made for walking

and today that's what they'll do...

Around the beginning of the summer I made a pledge to myself to get a walk in everyday after lunch. I did this for a number of reasons: to get myself moving after eating and help digest a bit, to get some much needed fresh air and sunlight, because even 15 minutes of walking a day helps your body, to wake myself up a bit, and just to get a much needed break from work between the morning and the afternoon. All summer I was so good about it. At least 4 of 5 days I would be out there after lunch, and I felt so much better for it! I was happier overall, so much so that Trav actually commented on my better mood. That combined with some adjustments to my eating habits helped bring my appatite under control. I had always been a big eater (especially for my size), but at one point this year I literally was eating every 1-2 hours and still feeling hungry. I'm sure there was something else wrong too, but all I know is I was able to get it under control by adding just a little exercise and better eatting habits.

For the past month or so however I have completely slacked off. Some of it was beyond my control... days that were just so busy, I honestly hardly had time to eat lunch. But there were also those days that it was rainy, gross weather (plenty of those lately!!) and I just didn't want to deal with it unless absolutely necessary. I've made excuses about catching up on emails, and doing "wedding research", but I know that I have to get back into it. Luckily I'm still keeping on top of what I eat... but it this past month I have started to feel slower, more lethargic, and my insomnia has been bothering me again. So today I am getting back on the horse (so to speak). I know it will be hard to find the inspiration/excitement for it for the first few days, but I'm sure I will once again start to look forward to my afternoon me time. Plus this will hopefully help my body wake up a bit and get ready for some yoga classes toward the end of this year (christmas present from Trav).

Plus now more then ever I need to take advantage of the sunlight during the day, because by the time I get home it is basically gone! And soon there will be snow... So for now I will wish you adieu, as I get outside to enjoy me some autumn!! :-)

Update: Beautiful walk, I feel great. A bit wind blown, but otherwise, a gorgeous day to start anew!

one, two, three times a lady. or something like that.

Not a whole lot to say today... the weather is gross AGAIN, and work is the same as always. Not my dream job, but it keeps me busy and there are actually some nice perks in the works. For one, getting to meet Dr. Kissinger is not so bad! Also, Chattababy, I will most likely be in your area for work one weekend in March (one of the first two weekends). Perhaps we can have a chattalunch or a chattadinner, and you can show me how its done down there?!

Otherwise, all is normal here. It doesn't seem like your normal fall... but I'm still enjoying it. I wish there was as much color as normal, and that it would rain a bit less, but its still my favorite time of year. Right now I'm thinking about the Tinsley-Wright crew in FL. Fall time is hurricane time down there, and they've certainly seen the bad end of it this year. It seems that they are doing alright for the time though, and hopefully soon power and some kind of normalicy can be returned to their home sweet home. Okay, back to busyness for me...

Counting down every day!!

Ciao!!

yes i'm a bitch

... but i'm not "on call". I'm not your bitch. I'm my own. I don't like to bear my own bad news, so why would i bear yours? Its a big deal to me for the same reason that its a big deal to you. That's all. I get frustrated because its not the first time you've asked me to do this for you, and i expressed my discomfort with it last time. We are friends, and you should respect that. If you are too uncomfortable to tell someone something for yourself, then its not something I want to be involved with or put in the middle of. The messanger is never just that. And if you are not too uncomfortable to tell them yourself, then it wouldn't be such a big deal when I say no.

Just had to get that out, and now it is done.
Fine.

a man throws his watch out the window, his wife is surprised and asks why he would do such a thing. he answers, "i wanted to see time fly" HAHAHHAAHHA

So the weekend was a good one, but of course, way too fast. We had an awesome time with Ro & Pat on Friday. Let's just say I never played such a MARATHON game of UNO before. It was a lot of laughs. We also hit up my parents this weekend to spend the night and see my sick puppy, Kelly. She has lost a lot of weight... you can feel ribs and hips, but at least she seems to have some of her old energy back for now, and her appetite. So the steroids are keeping her pain free for the time being, but it's only a matter of time before the cancer starts to shut organs down.

But, on a nicer note... I found some good ebay buys on friday and saturday. I got some stuff for my bridesmaids (obviously I'm not going to tell, not with Ro and Lauren and possibly Megan lurking about!!). Plus my mommy will be buying me my wedding shoes and bra for Christmas. Yay!

Work is flying by today... we just returned from a meeting at the Westin Hotel, which is where our event is taking place on Thursday evening. Everyone there is wonderful, professional, and I'm so reassured that the night is going to go exactly right. And with a man like Dr. Henry Kissinger, you want everything to be perfect!

Also, keep your thoughts with everyone in florida. My eye is down there for the Wright-Tinsley clan: Mary, Casey, and baby Brenna of course, plus Mary's parents (who appear to be holding down the fort alright), and also for my coworker's parents who are in Miami. It's a sticky situation for my coworker's parents, and hopefully everything will work out for them in the end.

Well, time to run yet again... but my blog surprise is coming very soon! And it is all thanks to Tamara (who is the best!!!)... you'll see you'll see!

i KNOW it was you...

So how many of you didn't read far enough into my post yesterday to see that I wished Lauren a Happy Birthday? I know you didn't... don't lie to me. I bet even Lauren didn't! Yea, well, I don't blame you, that article was a little longer then I thought it was before I posted it. Oh well.

It is friday, and that makes me very happy. But it is raining and that makes me a wee bit annoyed. Last friday's fun event (an autumn moon hay ride, followed by a bon fire with cider) was postponed to this friday due to rain, and we were supposed to have two friends join us tonight, but now it looks like it will need to be postponed again. Hurmph mightily. Boo rain. But at least I still have my visit with my parents and poor sick puppy to look forward to, and maybe Ro & Pat and Trav & I can do something else this evening. Unless the sun miraculously pops out and dries everything, but I'm not holding my breathe.

I suppose though, if that is all I have to complain about at the moment, then things really aren't that bad.

Honestly I think the worst thing right now is my PMS (minus the P.... hah, i know you needed to know that)... I am craving salty, but honestly if I eat anymore salt I think I will be so fluid filled that I will actually pop. I heart being bloated. Really.

Okay, well off I go. I get to walk thru the rain to deliver a deposit to the bank (for work). Fun fun. But I will leave you with 4 pictures from our trip to Cape Cod this past summer.

~~*~~*~~*~~*~~
The first is of Travis, his two nephews, and niece sitting in front of their Cape Cod house. I love this picture!

This next one is Trav holding the lobster we then proceeded to cook and eat. Yum!

These next two are of the gorgeous sunsets that we saw up there. In the second one, Trav is fishing off the dock.

Ciao!!

loving a little, learning a lot

I read the sweetest article in the NYTimes... Yea, it's on of those sniffly-feel-good stories, but it's very sweet and its a nice reminder of reflecting on the "norms" of society and what is easy for us is a true challenge for someone else, and that we should enjoy these trite day-to-day rituals.

October 16, 2005
Modern Love
Adolescence, Without a Roadmap
By CLAIRE SCOVELL LaZEBNIK

AT least he's good-looking," I say to my husband whenever the subject of our oldest son's dating future comes up. And he is good-looking, our son, with his blue eyes, wavy hair, broad shoulders and warm smile. He's also got a deep voice (he works at it) and a gentle manner. It's hard to believe girls won't fall in love with him. And maybe they will.

But he also has autism. When he's tired or sick, he forgets words or uses them incorrectly; often it requires enormous effort just for him to maintain a conversation. It's as if he has no native tongue and essentially has had to memorize our language word by word.

Now he's working on our customs. You see him eagerly watching other kids, looking for clues and lessons, signs he can follow into the world of the average teenager. It's a world he's desperate to be part of. He dresses like them, adopts their gestures, mimics their rudeness and even douses himself, as they do, with Axe deodorant body spray. ("Look at the other kids," we're always telling him. "Watch them, play like them.") He'll be in the middle of a group of kids and they'll laugh. Then he'll laugh, a second too late and too loud. He knows he needs to laugh to fit in; that much he's learned from observation. What he can't seem to learn is what made the joke funny and why everyone gets it but he.

For a long time our son was a little boy with autism, which was a certain kind of challenge. Now that he's a teenager with autism - and a teenager who notices girls - we're faced with something else altogether.

"Hey, Mom?" he says as we're walking out of a store. "That girl was hot." He thinks he's talking in a whisper but he isn't, really, because he has voice modulation problems and has trouble hearing what his own voice sounds like. The lifeguard in the bikini at the beach is also "hot." So is Jessica Alba, whose picture he printed and carefully glued onto his binder, next to a photo of Keira Knightley.

The term "hot" may be an affectation he picked up from his friends, but his appreciation of skinny girls with big breasts seems to be genuine, as we realized when we discovered he'd started using the Internet the way other teenage boys are likely to only when they think no one is watching.

We put content filters on our browser software, and his father sat down with him to go over some basic rules: Wait until you're in love to have sex. Always wear a condom. Hide your pornography where your mother won't find it. He'll remember all this because they're rules, and he's very good at remembering rules.

It's the other stuff - the emotional, heart-stopping stuff - that's going to be hard. I know he wants to find a girl and fall in love. Sometimes people say that kids with autism aren't capable of love. That's ridiculous. My son loves deeply. He just doesn't communicate well. The instincts we rely on when we're first falling in love (being able to sense what someone else is thinking, becoming aware of a sudden connection, anticipating another person's desire) don't come naturally to him.

I want the girls he meets to know that just because he speaks a little oddly and sometimes struggles to understand what they're saying doesn't mean he wouldn't make a great boyfriend. I want them to see what a good heart he has, how he would never manipulate or hurt them, how he would be grateful, obliging and loyal. But how many girls will be able to get past the frustrations of his disabilities to appreciate that part of him?

Would I have been able to?

And these things can't be forced anyway, no matter how good-hearted someone may be.

Last year he got friendly with a girl he met in a social skills class. She was what those of us in the world of special needs describe as "lower-functioning." She attended a special needs school, but even there she felt she was the object of ridicule and abuse. I never knew if her account of insults and cruelties was accurate, but I'd hear my son talking to her on the phone, offering his unwavering support. "That's terrible!" he'd cry out after listening for a while. "They shouldn't do that."

I'd listen to him and think, "What woman wouldn't want a man who comforted her like that, who was willing to listen and believe and always be on her side?" It gave me hope.

In the end, though, he broke up with her, if "breaking up" is even the right term for ending what they had. Her litany of complaints bored him. And in all honesty she wasn't the slightest bit "hot." Although he never mentioned it, I suspect this also may have been a factor in his decision.

Since then, the only girls he's asked out have been at the other end of the spectrum, and they've all rejected him - for the most part (and as far as I know) - quite kindly.

Still, he aims high. Recently he asked out a girl who was already dating the star athlete of the entire middle school, an eighth grader who was captain of the baseball and basketball teams. When I suggested that maybe a girl like her was out of his reach, my son just looked confused. The social intricacies of popularity that separate students into cliques and loners mean nothing to him because they're unstated, unquantified. Most of us just sense them instinctively. He can't.

Obviously I could let myself be crushed by these rejections, especially if he was. But so far he doesn't seem to mind; there's an advantage to his emotional obliviousness. He's still young, though, and none of his friends are really dating, so he probably doesn't feel so left out yet. Still, I worry about whether girls will keep rejecting him throughout high school and into college, while the other kids start successfully pairing off. What if he starts to wonder if anyone will ever love him?

You can, I've discovered, teach your child to make polite conversation (ask questions, listen attentively, then ask more questions), to be a good host (offer refreshments, suggest activities and choose the one your guest says he'll enjoy), to please his teachers (show up on time, behave well in class). But how do you teach him to fall in love with someone who will love him back? What rules can you lay down for making someone's heart leap when she sees you?

When our son's autism was diagnosed at the age of 2½, there was no clear prognosis. We didn't even know if he'd ever learn to talk. But we found talented people to work with him and he improved, slowly at first and then more rapidly. By the time he graduated from elementary school, he had no discernible behavioral or academic problems. People congratulated us. Our son had emerged. Someone met our kids at a party and a friend mentioned that one of them had autism. "Which one?" the person said, genuinely bewildered, and then guessed the wrong child.

BUT that was from a distance. Up close it's clearer that our son is marked and challenged, fundamentally and permanently. And up close is where relationships live. Up close is what love is all about. And sex? Well, that goes without saying.

This leads to what is perhaps the scarier question: What happens when a girl finally says yes? A year or two ago, going out meant nothing more than a kind of glorified play date. But I overhear the kids in his class flirting, and there's a strong edge of sexuality to it. My son's body has matured, and physically, if not developmentally, he's not a little boy anymore.

Just as he's learned our language and our customs with a lot of hard work and memorization, he'll soon have to learn how to navigate the world of sex. But how? Through imitation and observation? Through rules we teach him? No. The same kids he has studied and imitated to gain other social skills are going to be fumbling in the dark themselves, behind closed doors. And in this particular game I don't foresee his father and me doing much coaching from the sidelines. He'll truly have to find his own way.

Then again, I've seen him rise to similar challenges in ways I never anticipated. I was told, for example, that kids with autism can't be empathetic because they're incapable of being able to perceive and relate to someone else's suffering. He can learn that he's supposed to say, "That's terrible!" when someone complains to him about an injustice. But the ability to notice and respond to nuances of another person's emotions and moods isn't supposed to be in his repertory. And it's true that when he was younger I could sob in front of him (something I did all too often back then, I'm afraid), and he would simply continue his play, oblivious to my emotions. Not long ago, however, when I was fixing a snack in the kitchen for all my kids while they sat around the table doing their homework, something about the situation reminded me of my mother, who'd died recently, and I began to quietly cry. My three younger children didn't notice. But my son looked up and said: "What's wrong, Mom? Are you O.K.?" and came over to give me a hug. I literally smiled through my tears.

Somehow he had learned something they said couldn't be taught. I'll take that as a good sign.

Claire Scovell LaZebnik lives in Los Angeles and is an author of "Overcoming Autism."

Anyway, I just wanted to share that with you. Today is a busy day, and it is flying by... It is also the day of the birth of my hobag. Yay! So:

Happy Birthday el Duke of Man!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
:-)

I just got two packages... Travis' and my new Christmas stockings! We have stockings for at my families house, but we wanted ones to hang at our humble abode as well. Care to take a wild guess about what is on those stockings? (did you guess yet?) (how about now?) Well clearly, his is a Steelers stocking, and mine is an Eagles stocking. They're great!

Okay, that's all for me. I have to get back to work. Ciao.

Post #200

I'm in an awesome mood today. It's Wednesday so the week is halfway over already, always a plus. It's a beautiful day out, and its supposed to get sunny and warm. I have the best bridesmaids ever, and I can already tell (just from our emails) that we are going to have a bloody awesome time together!! (Lol, i speaka da british.) And on that note, I found the cutest picture of Lauren (my hobag, and the only bridesmaid to not yet have her pic posted), so as soon as I can remember to bring it into work and scan it... it's going up!! Also contributing to my good mood is my excitement about hanging out with Ro & Pat this Friday, and getting to see my family and poor sick puppy this weekend (be the circumstances what they may, I'm still thrilled to see them all).

~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~

So, lately Travis and I have been making the effort to actually sit down at the dining room table to eat dinner. I had always done that with my family growing up, and I had always thought I would do it with my own family. But Trav and I had fallen into the habit of just getting our dinner together and going to eat in front of the boob tube. It wasn't intensional, but we are always a bit wiped out when we get home from work. But we decided to change that. There is no reason to not eat at the table. This week has been great, we talk and laugh and have a great time at dinner. And we put off the boob tube, instead enjoying conversation... I'm loving it! Lol, not to say that our conversations are always deep... we had a nice one about Travis' fart last night... but they get us talking, and sometimes they are "deep" (so to speak).

~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~

Okay, well time to get to work again. Ciao!

sweet ...

Rascal Flatts
Bless The Broken Road


I set out on a narrow way many years ago
Hoping I would find true love along the broken road
But I got lost a time or two
Wiped my brow and kept pushing through
I couldn't see how every sign pointed straight to you
Every long lost dream led me to where you are
Others who broke my heart they were like northern stars
Pointing me on my way into your loving arms
This much I know is true
That God blessed the broken road
That led me straight to you

I think about the years I spent just passing through
I'd like to have the time I lost and give it back to you
But you just smile and take my hand
You've been there you understand
It's all part of a grander plan that is coming true

Every long lost dream led me to where you are
Others who broke my heart they were like northern stars
Pointing me on my way into your loving arms
This much I know is true
That God blessed the broken road
That led me straight to you

Now I'm just rolling home
Into my lover's arms
This much I know is true
That God blessed the broken road
That led me straight to you

That God blessed the broken road
That led me straight to you.

Dear me of the future, 5 years or so.

Dear Future Megan,

You are by now, Mrs. Megan H*****, and you most likely have children. Maybe you are working in the same job, or maybe you have moved on like you hope to; maybe you are in the same house, or upgraded to something a little bigger and a little more modern. There are a lot of things that I don't know about you and where you are, and in some ways that is so scary, and in other ways it is exciting beyond words. I don't know which is worse... the idea that everything has changed or the idea that many things are still, in some ways, exactly the same.

I can't wait to "meet" you. To see your children. To know what you have experienced. Five years is nothing, and it is a lifetime. I wish you could tell me now that the silly little things that eat me up inside are all small and insignificant, and will pass into oblivion as soon as I let them. I wish I could know what choices to make now, so that you are the happiest you could be.

Megan, I promise to do the best I can until I get where you are. I promise to try and thing of the future, and the future my choices will create, as opposed to getting stuck in the problems of now. I will try and remember that each individual day, while some are "bigger" then others, are still just individual days. I will need your help on that one, I'm sure.

Give your kids a kiss for me. Love them for me, until I can get there and do it myself. Try to look to the future with as much hope as I am looking to you with now. I'm sure I will be there before either of us knows it.

Sincerely,
Me

I feel completely justified in being unproductive, because I had to work both days this weekend. So there.

My real post is below, but I just had to throw this picture up. Besides, I'm not writing anything about this weekend because it was work, and I don't want to bore you with that, nor do I feel like talking about it. So read my Monday post below, about flirting. Anyway....

I think this is the cutest picture. From left to right, Me (of course you know it is me!), Rochelle, and Sabrina (Ro's Maid of Honor). I'm not sure exactly what we were doing right then... but it is such a great shot and shows just how much fun we had on Ro's wedding day. It was a wonderful day (for obvious reasons!!). Oh, and the white things sticking out of the middle of both Sabrina's and my chests are white roses... Lol, don't ask.

flirting...

I am a flirt.

I will be the first to say it, I know it is true... I have always been, and will always be, a flirt. Not the touch your arm, giggle maniacally, "I want to do you" kind of way... but in the lots of smiles, direct eye contact, talk, and tease (as in joke) kind of way. Its just my personality and it doesn't mean anything.

At least, to me it doesn't.

Today, I came into work late (due to the super long days I worked this past weekend!), and the train was not too full. The conductor, a younger guy, noticed me reading Harry Potter. When I had stepped onto the train, I had smiled at him. Now, he talked to me. He asked me about the book, and then he went off to do his ticket checking. I continued to read. He came back, talked to me a bit more, then went off again as we got to a new station. I read some more. He came back AGAIN, and sat down next to me. We talked some more. Now let me explain that when he wasn't talking to me, I was reading. When he would come by I would find a stopping spot in the book before replying to him. Not in a rude way, but just so he knew I really was reading. But once I would stop reading and start talking, my personality automatically kicked in.

Toward the end of the train ride he asked me if I would like to accompany him to an early screening of the new Harry Potter. At that point I mentioned my engagement. He looked a little embarrassed, but then invited Travis too. I should have just said no thanks... but honestly I was just so excited about seeing Harry Potter early, that I ended up exchanging phone numbers with him. I know, I know, I'm waaayyyyy too trusting. But its only my number, and I have no problem telling people to shove off over the phone if he calls me more then once and doesn't IMMEDIATELY mention the tickets.

In fact, I picture the conversation going like this:

Me: Hello?

Conductor: Hi, is this Megan?

Me: Yes, who is this?

Conductor: It's Phil.

Me: Who?

Conductor: Phil, from the train.

Me: Oh, hi!! Were you able to get two more tickets?!?!

Conductor: Uh, I'm not sure yet.

Me: (very disappointed) Oh, well... let me know when you know.

Conductor: Oh, uh, okay. Um, bye.

I'm always honest with Travis too. And sure, he gets exasperated with me (when I'm too trusting especially), but he knows that I love him, and that I honestly don't mean to "encourage" anyone or however you want to put it. I mean, I honestly flirt with everyone... even my female friends, and clearly I'm not expecting any of my female friends to jump me.

Anyway, I was talking to a friend about flirting, and she said something about how she outgrew that and once you get to a certain point in your life, you just stop doing that. Honestly though, I can't see myself outgrowing this, it's my personality. I'm not going to stop smiling at people, or making direct eye contact, or joking around. I love to make people smile and laugh, and I don't see anything wrong with that.

Plus, it is not like I set out to see if I can get people to flirt with me, or ask me out or whatever. I'm not wearing this ring on my finger as a fashion statement, and I don't hide it!! Grr.

What do you guys think?

insanity abounds

This will have to be a fast one. First off, thanks for all the great comments yesterday, you guys are sweet. We had a wonderful anniversary. Trav came into the city and we had a nice leisurely lunch together. Sushi at our favorite restaurant, Genji (on 17th and Sansom if you are interested). Which the super sweet Hiro treated us too. When i got home, Trav (who had taken the day off) had made a great dinner of angel hair pasta with shrimp alfredo sauce (my favorite!) and garlic bread. We ate, drank wine, and had nice conversation. Afterwards we exchanged gifts, and ate some ice cream cake. It was very sweet.

Today is a whirlwind day. One of our biggest work events is this weekend. So we are doing all the last minute prep for it. Editing handouts, copying, boxing, shipping, double checking, etc. This on top of all the normal stuff I have to get done. At least I will have some relaxing tonight. Trav is meeting me at the Media train station and we are heading to ******** *******, to go on a *** ****, and have some ***** by the *******. Lol, sorry but Trav reads this sometimes too, and its still a surprise until we get there. Afterwards we will head home to pack for the weekend, and Trav will join me in staying overnight at the Gregg Conference Center where we are holding our event. Tomorrow morning we will wake up to get an early breakfast, then I get to start my weekend of work around 8ish in the a.m.... blech. Trav will head out and go visit some friends. It will be a long weekend, and i will be glad when it is over. But I'll enjoy tonight.

now this, this is a good day.

5 years (and one day) ago my friend Stella convinced me to go to a party at a fraternity I'd never been to before. It was called Psi Upsilon, and honestly, I didn't want to go. I didn't know anyone, and I didn't think I would have that much fun. But we went. And within 5 minutes of getting in the door, I had met Travis. We hung out that night, long after Stella had left, talking, listening to music, hanging out with his fraternity brothers, and when it was time for me to leave he kissed me, and said "Come Back Tomorrow".

The next day, Friday the 13th, I headed back to Psi U... a little nervous, very excited.
I don't remember exactly what we did that night. Talked some, hung out with the other guys, played beirut (typical romantic evening... lol), watched some tv, and listened to some music. Your typical college evening. But I remember, that I knew that this was a guy that I could really go for. And he did too, when he sat me on a bar, and asked me if I would be his girl.
Yes, he really asked, and it was very sweet.

We had been together only about a month and a half, when Christmas break came around and he was off to Pittsburgh for a month. It was hard. We went from seeing each other everyday, to talking every two or three days on the phone (and Travis is not a phone person). When we returned, I was scared to go see him. Scared that it would be awkward. Scared that he wouldn't want to be with me anymore.
But the moment we say each other, it was like the month apart hadn't happened. I don't know that I know I loved him at that point, but I knew that I could love him, I knew that I would love him.

I don't know that I can pinpoint exactly when it was that I realized that I did love him... but somewhere between seeing him cry for the first time, at the thought of going to Pittsburgh for the 3-month summer break... (he didn't, he stayed in Philadelphia with his grandfather Willy)... and having him take care of me when I was super sick (he cleaned up my puke, and honestly, at that moment acted as if there was nothing in the world he would rather do)... I did know.

When Psi U became like home, and we had spent sleepless nights unburdening our childhood secrets onto each other.... when we had talked about children and about our hopes... we knew that we wanted to spend the rest of our lives together.

When he survived meeting my parents, I didn't do anything too stupid through a week with his, and our families found they rather like each other... well, at that point we knew there wasn't anything we couldn't get through.

A lot has changed since then... there's more bills and less booze, mortgages and impending marriage instead of homework and hell-raising, and 9-5 instead of 10 until you pass out!... but a lot hasn't changed. He still makes me laugh. I still know that I can go to him with anything. And honestly, no one makes me happier.

The next Friday October 13th is next year, 2006. And on that day I will happily pledge, once again, to be his girl. This time, as his wife.

Happy 5 years, love.
You are my best friend and soul mate, you make me so happy. It hasn't always been easy, but it has always, always, been worth it. Thank you for so many great years. Thank you for all those we have yet to experience.

I Love You... always and forever.

sickness

My family dog is dying. This is such a horrible feeling, and i don't know which is worse: the thought of losing her, or the inability to do anything for her.


From my dad:

"what we all feared was confirmed on monday, kelly has a cancer called intestinal adenocarcinoma. it has apparently spread to her spleen and maybe elsewhere as well. in addition, she has that enlarged heart.... or more precisely a build-up of fluid in the sac around the heart. it has increased the size by about 50%. they still aren't sure what is causing this as it's not related to the other problem. she may have cancer in that area as well.

the doc's best guess at time left is about 6 weeks or so....less (& with a rapid decline) if the heart problem worsens. this is all so very hard & sad.... especially for kelly's boy, ethan [my younger brother]!

the good news is that she is home with us for now & isn't in pain. she is on a steroid that does multiple things. it helps control the pain, picks up her spirits & gives her an appetite. at least we'll still have a little good time with her."

i'm not actually gross i swear

An early anniversary present, woo-hoo. I'm not used to being a winner (that really is me, they just read my name wrong).

Just had to share. :-)

Also, I thought it was funny that last thursday i did the random Allen Ginsberg tribute... and didn't even realize until today that it was the 50th anny of the first reading of Howl, today!
Another side note to "pump you up" a bit. Soon, not sure of the exact time frame, but hopefully soon... I will have a blogger surprise for you. I'm very happy about it and I hope you enjoy it too. But I'm going to be a stinker and not tell you about it until it happens! I know, that was a whole lot of words to say nothing, right?!

Okay, back to the football game. Night!

blah blah blah

So I have re-realized (and had reiterated, over and over again) just how busy October is going to be. Our first big event is this weekend, and we have a lot to accomplish before then. It will be a relief when it is over. So this week, my posts will probably be short, and i will probably miss days, but honestly I think that might be a good thing because I've felt my recent ones were dry and boring and rather unnecessary anyway. I blog because I love to, because it makes me happy even when I don't have much to say (it is one of my few creative releases), but who can't use a break sometimes, even from the things they love. So most likely I will be absent tomorrow and Wednesday... I won't say for sure though, because who knows what may happen in the interim. Thursday however, I will have to post something good because it is Trav and my 5th anniversary. So expect a Poop & Boogies-esq post about the way back when of our relationship. :-)

Anyway, I'm off for now. Tons to do, and anyway, I'm really just riding high on the whole buying my wedding dress thing... it's the first real big wedding step taken. Yay!

relaxing

Well the weekend has been a vast improvement over my friday, thats for sure. The trains were back to normal by the time work was done, so I got home like normal. I ended up just staying there instead of going to Ro & Pat's for poker because my tummy was feeling a bit blah, and I was exhausted. So I just relaxed and watched tv and played on the computer. It was raining so hard, I couldn't even think of going out anywhere.

Saturday I woke up around 8 and just lay there for a while watching the rain outside the window. It was very bright out, but gray gray gray. After getting showered and dressed, and having a bite to eat, I headed out to a bridal shop in Collegeville, that my mom had found online. It was a pretty nice place... friendly people, nice selection... it definitely made me laugh though, because the buildings (two connected by a walkway) were the most ungodly pink and lavender purple colors that I'd ever seen. It looked like Valentine's Day had thrown up on them. I found one dress that I liked a lot, but in the end, it really wasn't the dress for me. When I was leaving I gave Megan a call to see if she wanted to grab some lunch, since Collegeville is right down the road from Mike's apartment, but she was too busy for me. (lol, j/k!!) Then it was back home.

Once again the rain was so unbelievably hard that it was impossible to see at some points... I was going 35mph at one point, on the damn Blue Route! Normally I'm 75 all the way. But I made it home and was able to relax some more and wait for Trav to get back. We had a relaxing evening, and after some email back and forth with my mom, I ended up buying my wedding dress online. See I had found my dream dress (which I originally found in a store for an unholy amount) online for a decent price. My mom wanted me to look around for a bit, but in the end we knew this was the dress for me, and she agreed. So now I have officially bought my wedding gown!! Yay!!

Today has been lazy... woke up slowly, finally its not raining. Have been relaxing and watching movies and football since. It made for a relaxing day when the women at the hotel we were supposed to visit today (for ceremony/reception site) cancelled on us. Oh well. Hopefully in a bit Trav and I can head out for a walk to get our blood flowing.

That's about all I suppose. It really has been a lazy weekend, but I am definitely enjoying that.

Also, a big thanks to everyone who told me about their honeymoons. They all sounded great, and I'm always up for ideas.

Okay, time for some more foolsball. :-)

today is the first day of the rest of your life... just shoot me now.

Today started off with a delayed train, then a bomb scare which stopped my train (and required me to get on the subway), then a clothes no-no, some anti-productivity, finding out that my doggie (well, she lives at my parents place, but she is a 1/4 mine too) is very sick and may be put down soon, some more anti-productivity, and will end with me going home to an empty house (because travis is away for the evening). I think once I go home I will be afraid to leave the house again! I'm very glad its a friday. Hopefully nothing more will happen before this day is over. October, be it my favorite month or not, is going to be a bit stressful. Work alone dictates stressfulness, but add in this other stuff and I'm just going to be relieved when Halloween ends.

That being said, I have to get back to work. Hopefully I will have much happier news to fill you in on when Monday rolls around.


kisses and all that crap.

I saw the best minds of my generation destroyed by madness, starving hysterical naked...

A random thursday tribute to Allen Ginsberg (1926-1997):

America the plum blossoms are falling. ... America I'm putting my queer shoulder to the wheel.

Democracy! Bah! When I hear that word I reach for my feather Boa!

Nobody saves America by sniffing cocaine, jiggling your knees blankly in the rain, when it snows in your nose you catch cold in your brain.

I saw the best minds of my generation destroyed by madness, starving hysterical naked. ...
who passed through universities with radiant cool eyes hallucinating Arkansas and
Blake-light tragedy among the scholars of war,
who were expelled from the academies for crazy & publishing obscene odes on the
windows of the skull ...
who lit cigarettes in boxcars boxcars boxcars racketing through snow toward
lonesome farms in grandfather night ...
who hiccupped endlessly trying to giggle but wound up with a sob behind a partition in a Turkish Bath when the blonde & naked angel came to pierce them with a
sword ...
ah, Carl, while you are not safe I am not safe, and now you're really in the total animal soup of time-- ...
and who therefore ran through the icy streets obsessed with a sudden flash of the alchemy of the use of the ellipse the catalog the meter & the vibrating plane, who dreamt and made incarnate gaps in Time & Space through images juxtaposed, and trapped the archangel of the soul between 2 visual images and joined the elemental verbs and set the noun and dash of consciousness together jumping with sensation of Pater Omnipotens Aeterna Deus to recreate the syntax and measure of poor human prose and stand before you speechless and intelligent and shaking with shame, rejected yet confessing out the soul to conform to the rhythm of thought in his naked and endless head, the madman
bum and angel beat in Time, unknown, yet putting down here what might be left to
say in time come after death, and rose reincarnate in the ghostly clothes of jazz in the goldhorn shadow of the band and blew the suffering of America's naked mind for love into an eli eli lamma lamma sabacthani saxophone cry that
shivered the cities down to the last radio
with the absolute heart of the poem of life butchered out of their own bodies good to eat a thousand years.
I'm with you in Rockland in my dreams you walk dripping from a sea-journey
on the highway across America in tears to the door of my cottage in the Western
night.

--- first exerpt from "America", last exerpts (from "I saw the best minds..." on) from "Howl"

Why?! Just because.

In other news, once again work is keeping me insanely insanely busy. It rather sucks... but busy is better then bored.

I think.

With the jewish holiday over, the office is once again busy and full. It's a nice change, because honestly it was TOO quiet for the past few days. I know, bitch bitch bitch, moan moan moan. The funny thing was, everyone brought back all their left over holiday yummies. So there is SO MUCH JUNK FOOD in our kitchen right now. You can't even see the table top in there (I took a picture for proof). Not only is there cake, there are cakes, not only is there candy, there are candies, not only are there cookies, but there are... um, lots of cookies. I'm talking boxes, stacked on boxes, of cookies. It's insane. If I haven't gained 10 lbs by next week, I will consider my life a roaring success.

Okay, back to it now.

work, my chest, and other topics of interest

So once again, no boss today. Very quiet and very relaxed here... not to say that it isn't relaxed when the boss is here, but there tends to be much more hustle and bustle. I was VERY productive yesterday (giving myself a pat on the back), so I've been a little more laid back today, and while still working hard, I'm doing it at a much more leisurely pace. I like that.

Nothing atypical to report today, except for the fact that I have tape on my chest, which is a very funny feeling when you are in fact not used to having tape on your chest (which reminds me of a funny story involving Rochelle, a red dress, some Glad Cling Wrap, and a very attentive boyfriend... but that's another story altogether). Let me explain:
About two months ago I noticed a little spot on my chest, about an inch and a half below my collarbone, and directly above my left nipple. It iched a little, so I just assumed it was a bug bite. Flash forward to last week. It's still there, and while no longer a bump, it is a red blotch about 3/4" in size, and it still iches. Jan notices it and askes me what it is, I explain the above, and she says "oh it's probably skin cancer, you should have it checked out." That's my Jan.
But I decide to make an appointment with a dermatologist just to be sure, plus it was annoying. So Monday I had my appointment, and the women was very nice. She thinks it was a bug bite or some other irritant, and that it got scratched too hard and the skin was unable to heal. So now I have medicated tape that I have to wear on my chest for a month until I see her again. Bleech. I repeat, a very weird feeling.

Anyway. Andy and Megan are back from their honeymoon, and sent Trav and I a link to some pictures...

Here's the happy newlyweds enjoying wine at one of the many vineyards they visited.

Here's Andy looking very laid back down in Maui.

And Megan enjoying the pool.

Aren't they adorable? Yea, as much as I love autumn... I could definitely go for a little time in Maui!! Doesn't look half bad there... ;-)

So here's my question to you: where did you all go for your honeymoons? (wow, is that the southerner in me?) what was your favorite part? if you had to choose today, would you still go to the same place?

Otherwise there is not much to report. We were supposed to have some people stop by last night to test our water as part of a free promotion this company was doing, but they called to cancel at the last minute, which was the 3rd night they had done that!! So I finally pretended to have a life, and told them that as much fun as it has been "waiting around" for them these past three nights, I was not going to do it again, so don't bother to come. To apologize the lady told me they would be sending us some coupons for free gas (along with some promotional material i'm sure). Hey, I'll take free gas, no problem!

Well, I think it is back to work time for me. I feel like I'm not very interesting today, so I'm not going to subject you to more ramblings!

public service announcements

First off:

L'shanah Tovah

to any of my jewish peeps out there.

Secondly...

My condolences to Mike S. (a close college friend, and the fiance of one of my bridesmaids, Megan) and his family, as he lost his grandfather yesterday in an accident. My thoughts and prayers are with you, and especially with your grandmother. I hope you are able to find strength in these dark times by the life your grandfather lived, and not the way that he died.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

So, its tuesday and I have no boss. Unfortunately I have a shit ton of work to get done, so that does not imply as much relaxing as it might normally. Le sigh.

I also got the estimates from the reception place that we are going to check out this weekend, and they don't look back at all. I'm hopeful that we will love it, and our search will finally be over. *crossing fingers*

Oh, and a big thanks to everyone that commented on my Supreme Court inquiry yesterday. It's great to everyone's perspectives on these issues. I'll be interested to hear what you all think as this progresses and she starts thru the whole "investigative" process.

Otherwise there is not much to tell his morning. It is cloudy and grey, and I'm feeling rather lazy (which isn't good considering all the aforementioned work). Here's hoping I can get my ass in gear as the day progresses!!

Later!

Welcome October!!

Well it is now my favorite month of the whole year... and despite the fact that it is going to be EXTREMELY busy at work for the whole month, I'm going to try and enjoy it to the best of my ability. This weekend Travis will be away on Friday night to Saturday because of a meeting for the GLA (Psi U alumni basically), of which he is on the board. So I will probably just have a lazy evening Friday, clean up some, watch some movies, etc. Then Saturday I'm going to check out a local bridal shop... wish me luck there. Sunday we are going to visit a possible reception site in West Chester.

The following week (the 13th) is our 5 year anniversary, which Trav took off for, so that he can come into the city and we can get lunch together. Friday I worked out a nice evening for us to celebrate. Unfortunately I then have to work that whole weekend, but at least after that one of the two big events for the month will be over with.

The following weekend we actually don't have anything planned, but if the West Chester place doesn't seem like a good fit for us this weekend, then we will probably be using that weekend to check out some more places. That also happens to be the week of my hobags birthday. Yipee.

The final week in October holds one of the biggest events of the year for my work... the Annual Dinner, which will surely be a wonderfully stressful time.

And after that is Halloween. :-)

The month started off with a busy weekend for me. Friday night I drove up to Kutztown to see my bestest girl Babwa, whom I haven't had the chance to hang out with in person for probably about 2 months or so. Which is way too long. We stayed up until about 3:30, then woke up too early the next morning.

Then came the "highlight" of the weekend:

Me locking my keys in the car.

With It RUNNING.

There is a first (and last) time for everything. It turned out okay because

1) I had my purse with me (outside of the car - please don't even ask why my purse was with me but not my keys)

2) I was in a parking lot with lots of handy stores around

3) I had left my passenger window cracked about 1"

and 4) I have very small arms.

$2.12 and one set of salad tongs later, I was able to break into my car. Ohhhh me.

The rest of the weekend was much more pleasant, and much less exciting (but still very fun). I headed from shopping with Heather to a visit with the quads, whom turned 6 last week. It was fun to see them, and to see how much Sammy had grown already! He's a big boy, cooing and smiling... a real cutie. Then it was home to see my cutie, who had been forced to entertain himself all weekend until that point. We watched Stewie Griffin: The Untold Story (Very funny!), shared some wine, and I was more then ready for bed by 9:30!!

Sunday I got up at 9:45ish and got ready to head to a Bridal showcase with Megan. We didn't win any fabulous door prizes... but we had a great time. Then it was home for football.

And now, I'm here at work... still with tons to do, but being that my boss is out today (since lunch), tomorrow, and Wednesday for Rosh Hashanah... I have a bit more time to get it done.

So that about sums it up for me at the moment. I'm in a pretty good mood for a monday. Its a nice day, nice weather, and it's October. :-) This month just makes me want to be outside all the time. I love to take walks and look at the changing leaves. It's a great time.

Oh a side note, just curious what everyone thinks of Bush's new pick for Supreme Court... drop me a line and let me know. I'm eager to get other people's opinions on this. Honestly, I don't know what to think. Yea, it is great that he chose a women, but I think its a little odd that he chose one who does not have any judicial experience. He really has no idea how good or bad a judge she will be, and he wants to stick her on the most powerful court in our country.

Good lawyer does not a good judge make.

That plus the fact that she is one of his "guys"... well it just gives me a little of a funny feeling. Honestly, of course he wants to swing the Court in one particular direction, but (and here are my starry eyes coming out) he's supposed to be representing everyone and for every degree of right Roberts is, the new choice for nomination should be a equal representation of the left.

Obviously that is not how it works. Especially with one of the most partisan presidents of our time (and honestly I'm not trying to be a Bush basher here). But let me know what you guys think!

Okay, I have to get back to work now.