Unexpected Benefits to On-Call Life

Between two different trips, and cookie season, February was by in a flash... but the last week of February was one of the busiest in recent memory. I had multiply subbing gigs, one of my once monthly classes fell that week, along with Gwen's Battle of the Books competition, Daisy's check up appointment, my car servicing, our ax throwing, Trav's company employee appreciation event, Girl Scouts, coffee dates, a friend crashing here on her way through town, and goat yoga! And that was all in addition to our normal work/teach/school routine.

So it was almost a relief to go on call for my girlfriend at the beginning of March. Don't get me wrong, it can be semi-stressful to be on call, just waiting for the moment to come... but how very nice to be able to say, "Sorry, I can't agree to that, I'm on call!" And that's exactly what I did. No extra subbing, no big events, no travel.

I'm off call now, that beautiful baby girl is here. But now all that space in my calendar is beneficial for another reason... with our lovely friend COVID19 we find ourselves home. Gwen's Spring Break was extended in either direction, my studios have all closed, and Trav's work is at a standstill. We're being asked to stay in, and gratefully, that's what we get to do. Our normally full Google Calendar has rows of completely empty days ahead, and we didn't have to do much canceling on our own.

That's not to say its all easy... we have our moments of stressing over what is to come, how long it will last, and what this all means for our back account; but we're trying to make the most out of this unexpected pause.

Happy Babies and Impending Baby

Last weekend we got together with some friends to find out what gender Hanny's second baby would be.

We ate great food together, took a lot of baby selfies together, and celebrated Miss Mira becoming a big sister to a healthy baby... (wouldn't you like to know 😝).

I got to hang out with some of my favorite yogis, snuggle some of my favorite babies, and watch Gwen and Trav do that too!

I love being Auntie to such sweet kids.

Congratulations Hanny and Justin! Can't wait to add a new sweet bundle into the mix!

Let's Taco Bout A Baby!

This past weekend we celebrated one of my favorite people on the planet, and the forthcoming birth of her first little one! Penelope is due to arrive in March, and we are all so excited to meet her!

When planning this party with our other good friend James, we knew we wanted it to be a slightly non-traditional babyshower... and we knew it needed tacos! Amanda Panda is always down for a taco night, so what better way to celebrate Miss Penny's health and continued growth then a co-ed taco themed shower?! 

It had been a while since I'd planned a babyshower, so I was a bit nervous!

But all the work that James and I put into it paid off, and the parents-to-be loved it! Amanda even told us that it was "perfect!" 💖

It was so great to get to celebrate Panda, Parker, and Penelope with all their friends around.

Congratulations guys, we love you!!

More Baby Days, and Things I Miss

With Gwen's 10th birthday approaching faster then I want to admit, I look at the person she's becoming with amazement and joy. I love all the things she can do now, the freedoms we both have. But I'll admit, when 13 month Mira was over the other day for me to watch her, I was reminded of a few little things from Gwen's babyhood.

The way she would hold the top of my shirt...

The weight of wearing her, right there where I could snuggle her close and smell her sweet baby smell...

How completely it could melt you when you look over to see them napping in any old soft spot... 

I don't want another baby, I'm glad that mine is such an amazing kid, but I'm so grateful for my friend's beautiful babies to let me relive some of these little moments.

Wordless Wednesday {Babysitting Babywearing!}

Wordless Wednesday {Baby Communing}

wordless wednesday {snuggles and bottles}

nursing vs. exclusively pumping

In talking with the parents before baby boy's birth, the mom expressed to me her wish for him to have breastmilk. Being a lactivist myself, I was happy to hear that, and more then happy to offer to pump for them. Not only would that provide the baby with great colostrum and milk, but it would help my body recover. Having nursed and pumped for a long time with Gwen, I thought I knew exactly what to expect, but I can definitely say that exclusively pumping is a different ball game!

30 oz of colostrum and transitional milk

Now obviously the biggest difference was the absence of a newborn in the house! Most people choosing to pump are doing so still with a baby around, which would obviously change the experience. So please read the rest of this with that big caveat in mind!

So lets start with the differences: for me, pumping meant only waking up once a night vs. 4 or 5 times a night with nursing. But that pump meant getting out of my warm bed, walking downstairs, turning on the light, putting together pump parts, and sitting there in the cold for 20 minutes. I infinitely prefer rolling over, grabbing a baby, and popping her on the breast! Even if it is multiple times a night. I was also able to cut out that pump once my milk was in, and I knew they were heading home soon.

My milk took a little longer to come in, but that might have been because of not having a newborn to remind me of eating time. Without that constant reminder, my pumping was inconsistent for the first few days, which definitely slowed things down. Once my milk did come in though, it became a lot easier to remember when to pump (my body lets me know!).

Babies are much better at getting milk out of the breast, so I did run into a clogged duct (on each side!) pretty quickly; but I learned fast to help the milk from the back work its way down to ensure that didn't happen again.

One unexpected bonus to pumping was getting to actually watch my colostrum change into milk. The CLEC in me was very interested in seeing in person the changes in color and amount from sparse, yellow colostrum to abundant, white "mature milk."

60 oz of milk in the family's fridge!

Though seeing the amount was a double edged sword. Intellectually I knew that the baby's stomach was very small at the beginning (still is!), and that they need very little milk to fill it in the first days. However, having last pumped for a 2-year old, and having been used to getting at least 5 oz, it was hard not to worry about the 1-2 oz I was getting at first.

Speaking of which, not having to be as strict about pumping helped when we wanted to go out somewhere, but one of the biggest differences between nursing and pumping was having to time feeding/pumping sessions: I was fine with nursing in public, but obviously I'm not breaking out the pump in the middle of a public space (for a million reasons!). So I do have to be aware of when my next pump will need to be to avoid massive discomfort!

This, again, would have been less the case if I had been providing 100% of the baby's nutritional needs, but it was assumed from the beginning that I would provide as much milk as possible, and they would supplement the rest with formula*. Since they were staying close enough to visit, but far enough that I wasn't up to the trip for the first few days and couldn't do it daily while recovering, I would stockpile milk for a few days, then deliver, then stockpile, then deliver. 

I was used to both nursing and pumping, thanks to Gwen, but not pumping from the start. This time it was relatively pressure-less (absolutely no pressure from the parents, a little from myself!), since they knew there would be some supplementing. However I can see that for myself with my own child, pumping from the beginning out have absolutely been a stressful thing for me. While nursing can also be stressful at first, its easy enough to pop them on the boob when in doubt. They control the flow and can comfort nurse if that's what they need (which helps with production). Comfort nursing doesn't really work on a bottle, and it certainly doesn't help up your supply.

That said, emotionally it was a wonderful way to feel connected with the baby and family. I felt like I was still supporting them in a very real and tangible way. Obviously it doesn't evoke the same feelings that nursing my own child brought up, but it still made me happy to do. And that is one of the biggest similarities!

Differences aside, I'm so glad that I could do this for the family. It was one more rewarding aspect to this whole incredible experience.




* In the end, in addition to what I pumped and fed him during the first day when we were together at the birth center, I gave them just over 120 oz 155 oz; or enough for about half the time he was here in the states.

I am continuing to pump, while I slowly wean myself down (I do not want to deal with clogged ducts or mastitis!!). I'm freezing that milk (60 oz so far) and plan to donate to a local mama in need.

yoga motifications for pregnancy

One of the first concerns I had when getting pregnant was being as careful as I could to safeguard a pregnancy. I wanted to be sure nothing I did would compromise that little life growing inside me. But I also didn't want to give up the yoga studios I love to find a prenatal class (which neither of my two studios currently offer). I worried that prenatal would feel way too slow to me, since I was used to faster, intermediate flow classes. I also love inverting, and didn't want to give that up.

I did a lot of searching because I wanted to find the best modifications for an experienced yogi to be able to continue her practice while expecting. I wanted to be active and keep up my level of fitness throughout my pregnancy. Most of the information I was finding seemed geared towards brand new or beginner practitioners, but I managed to find two great articles that I trusted, and who's information rang true for me. Plus I made sure to talk with a few of my yoga teachers. I thought I would share the advice here, in case others find themselves in the same position.

Here are the main points:

1st Tri: Not too many adjustments needed at this point. Avoid taking your twists and back bends too deep, and avoid jump backs or jump switches (unless you have already mastered "floating" down) which could be too jarring. It is also recommended that you avoid inversions from 9 - 13 weeks, when the placenta is attaching, as inverting could promote placenta previa.

2nd Tri: As your uterus gets bigger, you will have to modify floor work. At first you might be able to lay down blankets for extra padding, or use bolsters to keep the weight off your uterus. Certain poses, like dhanurasana (bow), can be done on your side; others, like locust are better avoided (maybe switching to balancing tabletop instead). You'll also need to adjust your stance a little wider for certain poses like forward folds to accommodate your growing belly, and the changes in balance. Inversions may need to be moved to a wall. Towards the end savasana will probably need to be done on the side, adding bolsters under top knee as needed.

3rd Tri: The same as 2nd tri, but a step further as your balance changes even more. Stop inverting in the last few weeks, since the baby moving down at that point is encouraged. And really be careful not to push too far, as ligaments really start loosening up and injury becomes more likely.

Most important... listen to your body! Trust your gut. If something doesn't seem accessible or safe, trust that instinct and let go of that pose for the time being. As your body changes, things that were easy will get hard, things that felt good no longer will. Listen to your body, accept your limitations, don't let your ego end up causing you pain. 



Sources:
Yoga Modifications for Pregnant Mamas with a Strong Vinyasa Flow Practice
Pregnancy Modifications for Experienced Students
And my yoga teachers!  :-)

CM: Unexpected Things about Parenthood

My most recent post from Connected Mom: 


I have a great group of Mama friends, whom I met online. We're friends in "real life" too now, but since we are spread far and wide, our interactions are still mostly online. One day, one of them, a freshly born Mama asked the rest of us a great revealing question. We all know there are plenty of things that aren't exactly like we expected, or that we imagined would be one way but are a bit different, but she wanted to know about the things we didn't expect at all. So here are my top 4 things I didn't expect about parenting:

1. How hard coparenting could be.
I love my husband, he's a good man, but parenting together is so so much harder then I thought it would be. Reassuringly, this was a common one amongst my Mama friends too. Parenthood, especially the first time around, can be such a pressure cooker of emotions and expectations. As much as you try to prepare, you can know what its really going to be like until you are in the thick of it. And when you have two distinct individuals, trying to work as one to raise a third distinct individual, well its just not always easy.

2. How insanely different it is when its your own baby. 
I'm 7 years older then my brother, have been around kids/babies my whole life, I've been babysitting since I was 12, taught vacation bible school to preschoolers for multiple summers, was a mother's helper to quadruplets all through college, and was not the first of my friends to give birth. I was also dying to be a Mom, feeling it through every fiber of my being. Yet, all that experience went out the window when Gwen was born. I had the knowledge, I had tools in my arsenal that others didn't, but it is just different when it is your own. Each baby is different anyway, but add into that the biological response your body has when responding to your own child, well I was just unprepared for it.

3. That we'd still be breastfeeding at 3 years old. 
and 4. That we'd bedshare (full-time for the "fourth trimester", then part-time for a long time). 
I knew I was going to be an AP Mama, its how I was raised, and its what I felt the most pull towards. However before Gwen was born I wasn't completely comfortable with the idea of bedsharing, and it was only when Gwen proved that she had other ideas that my husband and I decided to give it a go. And while I always knew I would breastfeed, I didn't realize how strongly I would feel about fighting past the mastitis, the clogged ducts, the supply dips to make it past a year... and how much Gwen would love it, to the point of deciding to keep pumping until 2 years, and wanting her to self-wean. I guess this boils down to the idea that before I was a Mama, I thought I would be the one with the answers; once Gwen arrived I realized that we would figure this out a lot easier if I let her be my guide on a lot of things.


What things did you not expect at all before you became a parent? 

 

CM: one and done

Below is my most recent Connected Mom post. I've written on this topic before, but it was on my mind after my recent newborn snuggles. So here's my updated take on the matter.

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My husband and I are young. I'm 30 and he's 32. So I say the following with the caveat that there is plenty of time should we change our minds. But I don't think we will.

See, before having kids I was always so sure that two would be our perfect number. Now, now I think that what we have shouldn't be messed with. I can't even fathom adding another person into the mix.

Before Gwen, there was such intense longing for a baby. Now, I feel no need for a second child, no desire to upset our balance, no longing to go through the baby stages again. I feel content with Gwen, complete as our unit.

Sure, in the back of my mind there is a little voice that whispers of the relationship I have with my brother, Ethan, and our amazing bond. A little part of me feels badly "denying" Gwen that relationship. I wonder if I'm forcing her to miss out on a great relationship and a ton of memories? Denying her future kids the pleasure of Aunts and Uncles? Making things harder for her when Trav and I get old and she has to deal with us on her own?

But who is to say that a sibling would be any of those things to her?

If we did have another, I'm positive the love would be there. I'm sure that I would take my first glances at the little one that had grown in my womb and feel nothing but amazement. I would wonder how we ever considered not doing it.

But would we be able to do less of certain things? Less of the traveling we want to do with Gwen? Less one-on-one? And its silly, but I worry what if I don't love the second one as much? Or worse, what if I love it more?

From an AP standpoint, would I be able to parent the way I wanted with a very attached little girl, and a newborn in need of much attention? Would I get touched out that much sooner? Would have have the "gas" to get me through 3 more years of breastfeeding if that's what the babe decided? I would have patience enough for Gwen and a second, when sometimes I feel I don't have enough patience for just my almost 3 year old? Would I be able to find and keep a balance in my life, between being the hands on Mama I love being while still being a wife and sometimes just Meegs? Something I'm really just getting a handle on now?

Recently, I visited with a friend and her newborn baby boy. I adore babies, I really do, and I loved every second of holding and snuggling with the grumpy little old man. But it really hit me at that moment, as much as I loved holding and snuggling this baby... I am happy not to do it again. I don't want sleepless nights and crying that I'm not sure how to fix. I don't want the helplessness. I don't.

We remind ourselves that decisions at this point don't have to be infinitely binding. That my brother and I are close as can be at 7 years apart. But at this point we've given away all the baby clothes. We've started giving away all the gear. And eventually, "not deciding" will be a decision.


How many kids do you have? If you have one, will you have more? Why or why not? If you have more then one, how did you know having number two (etc) was what was right for you? 

christmas this and a bris that...

I meant to write this Monday... but I had a busy morning, then a killer headache by afternoon. It lasted me through the evening, put me to bed early, and woke me to take Tylenol at 2 in the morning. Thankfully by wake up call on Tuesday (which came a little later then normal, as Gwen slept in - Hallelujah!), I was feeling better again. But then I had already wanted to participate in Just Write, so I put it off again. But now I can catch up, and tell you about our weekend.

Though I missed all my normal weekend events (monthly Ridley Creek clean up, and the Quaker meeting), this was a very full, fulfilling weekend.

Saturday Ro hosted a cookie exchange. I made Chocolate - Peppermint Marshmallow Sandwiches. Recipe:

They are yummy. I ended up with lots of yummy cookies, and had a great time seeing some ladies I haven't seen in a while. 

Sunday was baby Edden's Bris. I'd never been to one, and it was neat to attend. The circumcision itself is difficult... anything that makes a brand new baby cry is hard to hear, and I couldn't look at poor Tally's face. However, the rest of the ceremony was beautiful, and it was a treat to be there to help welcome him to this life and his faith.

Mama and baby are doing well, and it is wonderful to see Tally as a Mother. It is a role that fits her well.

We spent the rest of Sunday setting up our tree and putting out the Christmas decorations. This is the first year that Gwen is really getting Christmas, and her excitement is a lot of fun. I'm enjoying weaving the whole thing together for her, explaining that Christmas is the celebration of Jesus's birthday, and telling her about St. Nicolas who gave presents to the orphans to celebrate, and who we now call Santa Claus, who gives presents to all the children. We already have plans to sort through her toys and find things she doesn't play with anymore to donate to kids who don't have toys. She really is such a great kid.

Monday... well, Monday started off rather poorly. Henry, my hermit crab, died during the night. It sounds silly to be sad about it, he was only a hermit crab after all, not cuddly or particularly involved in our daily lives. Plus, as far as hermit crabs go, he was old! But, I am sad. I'd had Henry for 8.5 years! I'm not looking forward to when Gwen comes in looking for him, and I have to explain that he's gone.  :-( 

Now its Wednesday and I'm working from home today this week. Off to get some work done before I hang Christmas lights at lunch, and head to yoga after work.