9 days to go

So she took her love for to gaze awhile
Upon the fields of barley
In his arms she fell as her hair came down
Among the fields of gold

Will you stay with me, will you be my love
Among the fields of barley
We'll forget the sun in his jealous sky
As we lie in fields of gold

See the west wind move like a lover so
Upon the fields of barley
Feel her body rise when you kiss her mouth
Among the fields of gold

So, I'm almost completely packed for China... as much as I can be without packing things that I will need for this week and weekend. Yes, it is that close. --- insert feelings of excitement here... ---

Countdown to China:
about 9 days, and counting.

Last minute things to do:
1. get eyebrows waxed so as not to scare away friendly chinese people
2. get legs waxed so I don't have to worry about shaving them! (and so i don't scare away anyone when i put on a bathing suit!)
3. get cash in "clean" unmarred/unripped bills, that will be accepted in China
4. fill pill prescription so that Trav and I don't make babys when we say goodbye or when we celebrate my return. (i know, too much info)

That is really about it. It's so hard to believe. I thought these past few months were going to go slower then they did, and at times it seemed that they were. But suddenly, here is the thing that I have been waiting for... its here.

---again insert excitement here... but something else too. maybe a little trepidation? ---


Chasing a dream.

Some moments are so surreal you aren't sure if you are really even in them or not. After a wonderful day yesterday, with one of Mike, Trav, and my hours long sushi events... and a nice walk with Trav... well, the tired angryness of this morning was not welcome.
But the real surreal feelings came when I was walking from the train station to work.
There was a guy walking in front of me... at a pace just ever so slightly faster then what I was doing... smoking a clove. That smell. I don't know if I've had something bring back memories the way that smell did. The distinctive clove smoke is one line playing throughout all my time at Lehigh. Dave smoked them, Bo smoked them, I smoked them, Jon smoked them... etc. I would grab them before going to meet Trav between classes, when we would sit outside with Cali Chris to have a clove and some lunch. There are much more concrete memories now that I can sit here and think of them. But at the time it was mostly these memories of feelings.
So strong that it almost bowed me over, and yet fleeting so I couldn't quite grab them.
And though I tried to speed up, it was too late, and he was gone...

And I was left feeling like I was chasing a dream.


Back to Lehigh.... no wait.

It's so weird stilling here at my desk, reading all the away messages about people heading back to Lehigh and starting classes... and me, instead here in Philly, working.
It's so odd.
Not bad, but I guess it really drove home, that for the first time in over 16 years, I'm not returning to school. I'm done... in the "real world"... I guess now I'm grown up. I guess it drove home some other things too. Like that fact that everytime I said that I couldn't wait to get to the "real world" and "start my life", I was actually just being full of it. Everyday from the moment you are born, you are in the real world, and that is your life. There is nothing else except what you do in all these modest daily journeys! Getting up every morning and going to class or work or whatever, that is what life is about. It's about interacting with those around you and just enjoying every moment. In some ways this makes me happy.

Like last night for example, Travis and I went for a nice walk. We've tried to make this a habit, although so far we've only done it twice! I guess you have to start somewhere though. Well the night was gorgeous... great weather (mid-60s) with no one around and billions of stars to look at. We just walked around at a nice leasurely pace and talked about whatever happened to be on our mind at the moment. I couldn't have been happier. I truly believe those are the best moments... the ones you just wish would stretch on and on, when you are at peace with everything around you.

Other times though it makes me sad to realize that this is my life... a job that leaves me only semi-fulfilled... debt that scares me, not because it is that much, but because it is just enough to keep me from being able to save right now. These things make me wish that I really could look forward to "starting my life". Saying to myself that my trip to China will really be living, or that once I get a better job my life will be more complete. But the truth of the matter is: THIS IS LIFE!
Every little facit of my job, my apartment, my surroundings, my interactions... the good and the bad parts... they are all my life, and always have been. While China will be truly amazing, and a better job would be nice... they won't make my life, but will simply be another aspect of it.

While it is still weird not heading back to Lehigh, I'm feeling a little better about it. It's a trade off really. If I were back at Lehigh, I wouldn't get to wake up next to Trav every morning, or take our evening walks... two of my favorite things about my life right now. Sure I miss my friends, but I know that the distance doesn't make them less of a friend... it just means I have to work on it a little more, and take a little more on faith.

Enjoy your life Lehigh'er... you're in the middle of the real world right now. Something which suddenly couldn't be clearer to me.



Years pass in just months...

Wow, it feels like years since I've last written... even though its only been months.
Even now I can't really write as I have to do my work thing. But life has been good lately. I'm okay with my job for now... hoping it will get better, but it's okay for now. I'm trying to pay down all my massive amounts of debt... wish me luck with that one.

Living with Travis is just absolutely wonderful. Getting to wake up next to him every morning makes the days so much better. Makes it harder to get out of bed though... ;-)

I have so much to look forward to right now as well. I have my birthday this weekend, as well as a bachlorette party, next weekend going out to dinner at Morimoto's with friends, seeing Travis' parents, and then of course there is CHINA!!!!!!!!!! Less then a month to go for that one. Damn, that will be incredible.
Okay, this is so short and doesn't update much of anything.. but it will have to do for now.

I will write more later.