tick tock, tick tock

It's crazy how time passes by, and how the days just start to blurr... I can't believe that December is almost over already. School/finals ended on the 13th for me, and here it is: Christmas Eve! What have i even done? Let's see... i worked the whole following week, had two doctors appointments, and finished Christmas shopping; i hung out with my Travis (we saw Lord of the Rings, incredible!! love it...); i made plans to finally see my best friend for the first time in forever (can't wait!); i cleaned my room, and tried to straighten random things out for myself; yesterday i hung out with Stella and watched Original Sin (slightly depressing, but very alluring movie, with a twisted ending). i'm sure there is much more to put in there, but i won't worry about that for now. i just can't believe it's already Christmas Eve... This afternoon Travis and I are going to my parents house and spending the night, then we are swinging by here to feed Stella's fishies, and heading to Willy's to spend Christmas day there. After that, i'm not positive what we'll be doing; but i know we'll be up here for the weekend... and that will be nice.

So: switching topics... yesterday i checked my grades. Wow. You know, i know i'm not stupid; but i'm not smart enough to figure out why i can't get this stuff... why i can't just do well... I try, i really really do. But, i just can't do well. At least i haven't been. This coming semester, something has to give. I already feel the pressures of knowing that i have to get a job after next year bearing down on me. I'm probably going to email all my teachers for next semester and ask them what they suggest; because as i said, something has to give! It was weird, looking at my grades and for the first time thinking that maybe transfering was actually a good idea; and not for the first time, that even though i love this stuff, maybe International Relations was not the major to chose. But it's really too late for all that; it's my junior year, and i have to graduate on time. I don't have the money to stay another year, or the drive. In some ways I've gained so much self confidence being here, being myself here; but at the same time I've just lost so much faith in my intelligence... in my head. I know i can work hard, and that whatever task is laid before me in my future job, i can do it... and that makes it so much harder to understand why i just can't do this. But it's Christmas Eve, and i want to think about happy things...... so Merry Christmas everyone; i hope you have a great one!!

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