Welcome back...

Wow... it's been 7 months since I've been here. Life was just too crazy for a little while to even comprehend for myself, let alone trying to put it into words for others. I struggled with money, I struggled with faith, I struggled with grades and my own feeling of future and self worth that was attached to them. I struggled to try and find my place, where I really belong. I think I've come so far.

I'm done with my junior year now, and the summer is almost past. It's all gone so fast. Summer has definitely left me more happy and refreshed then I've been in a long long time. I feel like I'm really getting my life under control again, and back to my own. Unfortunately money has forced me to drop Chi O... it is a horribly sad thing for me and I miss it to no end already. However, at the same time, I almost feel like there is this huge weight off my shoulders money-wise. Last year money had to be such a huge part of my existance, which I hate! But this year I'll actually be able to save and not constantly worry and stress. It will also give me a chance to spend as much time as I want at Psi U, without feeling like I'm betraying my sisters by not going to a certain party with them. I feel like my place will be a lot less of a struggle this year. You have to see these good things in bad situations.

But yes, this has definitely been one of my best summers ever. I got to realize that a very good friend of mine, whom I thought I lost, is actually as close as ever... and even though our relationship has changed, it has not faded at all. I guess this has actually occurred with more then one friend, but the most obvious occurance was with my "other man" (for lack of a better phrase, i don't want to name names, but Travis is my main Man... so I couldn't call him that!). I've also gotten to have so much fun... moving to 413 Vine... visiting Ed's, Jon's, Mike's, and my uncle in DC. And the fun isn't even over!! Soon I'll be heading up to Cape Cod and of course that would be at the time of my 21st birthday! :-D I'm even looking forward to school again. To seeing friends and getting into a pleasantly busy routine of classes. I have some very good classes. I've very excited to learn! Well, this has been exceedingly long already... so I'll stop now. Hopefully though, I'm really back now and will be keeping you up-to-date on a more daily basis.

found this funny!

Exercise of the brain is as important as exercise of the muscles. As we grow older, it's important that we keep mentally alert. The saying: "If you don't use it, you will lose it" also applies to the brain, so... Below is a very private way to gauge you loss or non-loss of intelligence. So take the following test presented here and determine if you are losing it or still a MENSA candidate.
OK, relax... clear your mind, and begin.
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Q: What do you put in a toaster?
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A: The answer is bread. If you said "toast," then give up now and go do something else before you hurt yourself. If you said "bread", go to the next question.
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Q: Say "silk" five times. Now, spell "silk." What do cows drink?
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A: Cows drink water. If you said "milk", please do not attempt the next question. Your brain is obviously overstressed and may even overheat. It may be that you need to content yourself with reading something more appropriate such as "Children's World." If you said "water", then proceed to the next question.
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Q: If a red house is made with red bricks, a blue house is made with blue bricks, a pink house is made with pink bricks, a black house is made with black bricks, what is a greenhouse made with?
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A: Greenhouses are made from glass. If you aid "green bricks," what the heck are you still doing here reading these questions? If you said "glass", then go on to the next question.
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Q: Twenty years ago, a plane is flying at 20,000 feet over Germany. If you will recall, Germany at the time was politically divided into West Germany and East Germany. Anyway, during the flight, TWO of the engines fail. The pilot, realizing that the last remaining engine is also failing, decides on initiating a crash landing procedure. Unfortunately, the engine fails before he has time and the plane crashes smack in the middle of "no-man's-land" between East Germany and West Germany. Where would you bury the survivors - East Germany, West Germany or in "no-man's-land?"
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A: You don't, of course, bury the survivors. If you said ANYTHING else, you are a real dunce and you must NEVER try to rescue anyone from a plane crash! Your efforts would not be appreciated... If you said, "Don't bury the survivors" then proceed to the next question.
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Q: Without using a calculator - You are driving a bus from London to Milford Haven in Wales. In London, 17 people get on the bus. In Reading, six people get off the bus and nine people get on. In Swindon, two people get off and four get on. In Cardiff, 11 people get off and 16 people get on. In Swansea, three people get off and five people get on. In Carmathen, six people get off and three get on. You then arrive at Milford Haven. What was the name of the bus driver?
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A: Oh, for Heaven's sake... It was you!

tick tock, tick tock

It's crazy how time passes by, and how the days just start to blurr... I can't believe that December is almost over already. School/finals ended on the 13th for me, and here it is: Christmas Eve! What have i even done? Let's see... i worked the whole following week, had two doctors appointments, and finished Christmas shopping; i hung out with my Travis (we saw Lord of the Rings, incredible!! love it...); i made plans to finally see my best friend for the first time in forever (can't wait!); i cleaned my room, and tried to straighten random things out for myself; yesterday i hung out with Stella and watched Original Sin (slightly depressing, but very alluring movie, with a twisted ending). i'm sure there is much more to put in there, but i won't worry about that for now. i just can't believe it's already Christmas Eve... This afternoon Travis and I are going to my parents house and spending the night, then we are swinging by here to feed Stella's fishies, and heading to Willy's to spend Christmas day there. After that, i'm not positive what we'll be doing; but i know we'll be up here for the weekend... and that will be nice.

So: switching topics... yesterday i checked my grades. Wow. You know, i know i'm not stupid; but i'm not smart enough to figure out why i can't get this stuff... why i can't just do well... I try, i really really do. But, i just can't do well. At least i haven't been. This coming semester, something has to give. I already feel the pressures of knowing that i have to get a job after next year bearing down on me. I'm probably going to email all my teachers for next semester and ask them what they suggest; because as i said, something has to give! It was weird, looking at my grades and for the first time thinking that maybe transfering was actually a good idea; and not for the first time, that even though i love this stuff, maybe International Relations was not the major to chose. But it's really too late for all that; it's my junior year, and i have to graduate on time. I don't have the money to stay another year, or the drive. In some ways I've gained so much self confidence being here, being myself here; but at the same time I've just lost so much faith in my intelligence... in my head. I know i can work hard, and that whatever task is laid before me in my future job, i can do it... and that makes it so much harder to understand why i just can't do this. But it's Christmas Eve, and i want to think about happy things...... so Merry Christmas everyone; i hope you have a great one!!

break

Wow, so let me tell you just how scattered things have been lately. The break went soooo fast. It was wonderful, and just what i needed, but way too quick. Let's see: Tuesday night i relaxed, went to Psi U for a while and played with the few boy that were left. Luckily it was Brian, Jon, Apoc, Tucchi, E.D. and Edmund. I love those boys. Hmm.... and it snowed so beautiful!! Wednesday i had a doctor visit, and i finally got my diagnoses! SVT: Supra Ventricular TachaCardia. It's just a relief to know what's wrong with me. After that Brian drove me down to pick up Travis... and it was just a good day. I got a nice comfirmation that a friendship i thought was wanning, really wasn't; so yay for wed. Hmm. Thursday was Thanksgiving, which was really nice. Trav and i went to the rents place, and ate so much food! Mmm... turkey and mashed potatoes and gravy and cranberry sause. It was great. We brought sooo much food home too!! Friday was a sleepy day, but we did got shopping during the day (with Hannah), and i got most of my Christmas shopping done. Then we lounged around until that night when Tucchi, Hannah, Trav and I killed a 30 pack in two or three hours playing ruit and asswhole. Saturday was another lazy day, but we did a little more shopping (and i finished my Christmas purchases, besides one or two that i can get anytime). Today we got good news in that Travis got his license back!! :-) We were both Very excited about that!! Then that night we killed a handle of Parrot Bay while watching a movie and playing more asswhole... mmm, Parrot Bay... my favorite! The best was just how relaxed it was; we were all just having a very fun time. So, what are we up to? Sunday. Well, Sunday was very very lazy and we just laid around all day... watched TV, ran some errands, and then i did some work. Then it was to bed early to get ready for back to school... :-p Now it's back to hectic scheduals, and running around, and trying to get stuff done, but not... but i'm going to stay grounded, and keep my head. And only a week and a half more to go!!!!