talking out.

So I don't know why, but while I was once as open and blunt and honest as I could ever be on this journal... I for some reason have started watching what I write. I still write about 90% of what I want to write, but maybe I edit it slightly so as not to make others feel that I am being "too open". I don't know why I do it.
Damn, I'm fully blunt in person. Anyone who knows me, knows that I say pretty much whatever I want. If I want to talk about sex or farts or babies or boobs or whatever, I do! But not here. Why do I feel like I can only talk about certain things without people thinking that I am "acting" too immature, too mature, or just boring or too raw. What do I care? Am I afraid I will scare off my "legions of fans"? Who am I kidding?!
Well, I just wanted to warn you that I am not going to start talking about that stuff... because that is the whole reason this is here. So I can write about it. And if you have a problem with it, don't read!!

Avoided topics:
1. My age inappropriate body:
a) Pregnancy - I have this completely inappropriate (for where Travis and I are in our lives right now) desire to have a baby. I acknowledge that this isn't appropriate right now, but it doesn't diminish that I feel it. I can't wait until we do decide that we want to have a baby... but that won't be until we are first off, married, and secondly its 2099 (if travis has his way). I think he'll change his mind by the time he hits his "late 20s". I just feel that I was meant to be a mother. Plus I want breast feeding boobs.
b) Low Libido - I should be in my sexual prime, and as little as a year ago I was practically a nympo... yet here I am having a hard time getting myself going. I really enjoy sex when we have it... but have trouble getting myself to the point where I want to jump Trav. I know it is getting to him that he has to initiate every time. Is it my pill? Is it bad diet and exercise habits? Is it some sex crazed alien sucking up all my testosterone? Must figure this out.

2. My Body (period):
a) Breasts - I would like bigger breasts and smaller thighs. I like my body, but yes... I am a child of the MTv generation.
b) Ass - I love my big ass and J.Lo/Beyonce are my heros.... but it makes buying pants a bitch.

3. Marriage:
a) Engagement - I am jealous of everyone who got engaged after us, that is getting married before us. I know that is our fault for deciding to have an almost 22 month engagement... and I certainly don't blame any of said couples... but I am still jealous.
b) Travis - Trav and I are not the perfect couple, but we are great together and I love my hunny dearly. He is the most important person in my life, and I can't imagine my world without him. I can't wait to have his last name, and his babies (but we already talked about that...). I will do my best to leave out the things that he wouldn't want the world to know... but if its my thing, then I hope he understands (aka my libido, which believe me, has nothing to do with him... he does it for me).

Okay, I think that is all of the avoided topics for now. From now on, hopefully I will find myself fitting them more naturally into the day to day as I have wanted to. I feel better already. For those of you who come here for the details of my calendar, and enjoy my monotony, I will now tell you about my enjoyable weekend.
First off Wednesday night Mike helped us move our last furniture from the apartment to the house (not the stuff in storage). It went smoothly and we spent our first night in our house. That was rather exciting. Just as exciting was waking up and realizing I didn't have to catch the train until 8:26... which was almost an hour later then when I used to have to catch it from my apartment. :-) Yay! I do love sleep... I think in a past life I was a sloath (the animal, not the sin). We are now officially done with our apartment, as of Friday the keys are dropped off and the place is empty. It was very weird seeing it so empty.
Friday we attempted to straighten, and Saturday morning (bright and f*in early) we met Rochelle and Pat at the UHaul place to pick up a truck. Then we caravaned to the storage place and loaded the truck up. So now our storage place is empty and our house is full of furniture. We are slowly but surely getting it where it needs to be.
Saturday night we BBQed at Ro and Pat's, which was a good time.
Sunday we ran out to Blinds To Go and finally got stuff for our bedroom windows... blinds with 2" wooden slates (not the crappy mini-blind variety). Then come in this week and all I have to say is TAKE THAT GRISWALDS!! :-) Our neighbors "eternal sun" Christmas lights will not keep me awake anymore. We also hit up Home Depot (any new home owners favorite store)... and got a bunch of things that we really needed. We then arranged our bedroom and attempted to clean up our kitchen as much as possible.
Monday we had Ro & Pat over for a belated birthday dinner for Travis (25 last weekend)... and that was a good time. I had a great time cooking and the food was pretty darn good, so that was a sucess. Okay, back to work... I'm actually staying late today because I have so much to do. So I don't feel too bad about taking the 20min to write this... but still. I need to get my ass to it.
Oh, after this weekend I will have to tell you about all the fun things I bought down on South Street for Rochelle's Bachelorette Party. But not yet, just in case sneaky Ro is reading this right now!!

Ps. Over the past 5 or 6 days we have had sex at least 4 times.
TAKE THAT CRAPPY LIBIDO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :-)

Sorry, I'm happy with myself.

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