And thus starts the entry where I am overwhelmed with multiple unnecessary emotions and randomness. I was reading
dooce earlier... reading the monthly letter she writes to her daughter and looking at pictures of the new house they will be moving into shortly. And I have to say, I'm a little green. I want to take beautiful pictures the way she does. And i want that house. Really really want it. Of course, you know my feeling about kids too.
You'll just have to bear with me because if I can't vent about it here, where can I?
Travis seems to think I read too many blogs. Maybe I do... maybe they are making me long for what I don't have, when really I should appreciate what I do. I'm only in my mid-20s, and everyone says that 20s are a time for living like a college student and building up your savings so that you can afford the big things that you want. And we are pretty lucky, and in some ways, ahead of the game. We are travelling to Ireland in the fall, we own a home, and are married.
A lot of the blogs I read however are those of people in their 30s who have more developed careers, kids, and houses to raise a family in. It's hard to see that and not want it now. I don't need to be a king, but I don't want to be a pauper either. And I wonder if that much will really change in the next 5 years. Will we get there? My parents did an amazing job with my brother and I... and we were never "want" for much. But it was still hard growing up knowing that I had less then my classmates and that my parents were stressing about paying the bills. I don't want to do that with my kids. And in that case, won't wanting the things that I want now actually help me to work towards them? Is my jealousy so wrong (besides the fact that it is not a healthy emotion, and it sets up a precedent of always wanting what you don't have and not enjoying what you do)?
I covet:
- A job/career that I actually enjoy and am proud of. One that I want to stay in for a significant length of time.
- This or this camera. Well, this one too... but I probably wouldn't know what to do with it!
- A three/four bedroom (depending on if it has an office/library area) relatively new house with 2.5/3 bathrooms, a big family room, an eat-in kitchen with new appliances and an open floor plan, on 3/4 acre or more land with LOTs of trees and plants.
- Then there's that whole kid thing.
... Which brings up something else...
I can't even imagine how Brian and Stacey feel right now because I am so excited for their baby. Though I still have trouble wrapping my brain around the fact that Bri is going to be a daddy! Sometimes I still picture college B with the partying and the drinking and the uh, debauchery. Lol. He is going to be an amazing father, it's just hard to wrap myself around. But I can't wait to see it in person.
Anyway, on a lighter note, we got our first wedding invitation of the summer season (my cousin in New Hampshire), and I downloaded some pictures for you of the weekend and the springiness (which has since turned to 40* weather, and hopefully not a bunch of dead flowers):
I've been working on this post since quarter after 9 because I had a lot I wanted to get out, but didn't know how to say it or express it. And especially because I know that I come off as jealous and ungrateful, and if you made it this far I am impressed. I also couldn't decide if I wanted to turn off comments or not, but figured if you wanted to take the time to comment only to call me selfish, well that's your right. So I'm leaving comments open, and I'm leaving this in your face, as I've decided to take a brief posting vacay... until after Easter, and maybe for a few days next week. And when I come back I will probably have a post about my vajayjay. Consider yourself warned.
So I guess that is all. Think what you will, I feel better now.
Happy Easter. Happy Passover. Happy everything else.
