Parenthood Right Now - Knees in the Mud

We've been going through a learning curve this summer. I'm trying to find the right balance between getting done what I need to get done, having fun outings Gwen and I can enjoy, and making sure that she's still finding ways to entertain herself. Gwen is trying to find that balance with pushing for more independence, while still treating others with respect, and still wanting us around a lot. Frankly, it's a lot sometimes and we're left tired and scraped . . . Trav worked today, leaving Gwen and I to our own devices. It was too hot to spend much time outside, and I was tired out. Gwen was feeling antsy. Honestly, it was a rough day . . . Then this evening we found our tender truce and decided to head out for a walk. The sun wasn't so high in the sky and the wind was gentle and cooling. It felt so good to be outside. The sky was gorgeous and we three girls found a rhythm to our walk, Daisy running ahead to sniff then coming back to join Gwen and I. It was lovely . . . I love our apartment, and I don't always want to be going, but sometimes a change of scenery is exactly what everyone needs . . . . . . . . #greatoutdoors #mygirl #rockjumping #cherrycreektrail #cherrycreek #colorado #coloradolive #coloradoskies #blueskies #beautifulevening #summer #honesty #instasky #instamasterpiece #parentinglife #honestparenting
A post shared by Meegs (@tattooedmeegs) on

The weeks since Gwen got off of school have been hard. They've been wonderful and fun and full for sure! But they have been hard too.

Gwen isn't a baby anymore. She's not even a toddler, or a preschooler. She's walking that fine line between little kid and big kid. Closer to her teen years then her newborn years. She wants independence and control, and I want her to have that... but there are still things she is just too young to do on her own, places she's too young to be on her own, and things she's too young to decide completely on her own. Its hard - frustrating for her, exasperating for me.

And I am far from being the perfect mother that I envisioned while Gwen was still just our "gummy baby" growing in my womb. I try to keep calm and cool, explaining things gently and asking her nicely to rephrase her request/angry response/sassy remark... but each exchange shortens my reserve of patience. I'm perfectly collected until I'm just not.

We are together so much. Wednesday - Friday we're together from the moment she wakes up until the moment she's asleep. Monday and Tuesday I get breaks when I teach, but Monday its literally me dropping her off with someone to watch her while I teach then rushing back to pick her up immediately following. Some evenings Trav works events, extending the 100% on time through dinner and bed. I try to get breaks on the weekend, but that's Trav's time for a break too, so its a balance.

This feels like a lot of complaining, but honestly its an unburdening. Its a love note to every parent out there that's feeling like they are both over stretched and falling short. I see you, I feel you, I AM you.

Bunmi Laditan wrote this amazing piece a few weeks back that hit me just right.

Lately I've felt like those rocks are cutting into my knees and I've lost my green thumb. But I know that I just need to have faith and keep tending. The blooms are coming.

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~ Meegs