on gratefulness and grief

You'll have to pardon this post, it might be a bit jumbled, as I am right now.
I owe some posting I think. We left Friday for Pittsburgh, I was there for work over the weekend, with Trav and Gwen tagging along for fun. So, I didn't get to write about Halloween, but lets just say that this cutie made it a joy:


I am so grateful for her. I'm grateful for how easy a drive out it was because of no traffic and a cooperative 3-year old, dinner with Trav's oldest brother Friday night, and that Gwen and Wyatt got to spend time together Saturday.

I'm grateful that she got to do this:

Which she found to be amazing, my daredevil daughter!

The whole weekend went well, and was as fun as a weekend long work conference can be.

Then on the way home I found out my coworker had died.

To say that I'm sad and in shock would be an understatement.
Losing a coworker, who you are close to, is a weird road. This man was a wonderful person, always generous and thoughtful with me. I appreciated him, but I don't think I realized how much until now. My grief, very real, is such a counterpoint to my gratefulness from earlier that same day. However there is added dimension of having to address that grief while also figuring out how to divide up his work load and keep the show going. Business doesn't stop. We are a small organization and his loss will be a bit one. We have to think about the work side of it when all we want to do is grieve a friend. Its hard to have such divergent trains of thought going in your mind at one time, and its making my head hurt. I don't like compartmentalizing heavy emotions.

I pre-scheduled some posts for this week, so there will be things. I'm thankful for that since I'm guessing that posting will not be high on my agenda this week. I apologize if things are spotty. I appreciate any good thoughts you can send into the universe for my coworker's family, my whole work "family", and for myself.

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~ Meegs