Ups and Downs, and Holiday Triggers

I'm getting pretty settled in here. I have a general routine: Monday and Wednesday mornings I hit up yoga when Gwen's at kindergarten; Tuesday and Thursdays I use that time for cleaning, straightening, and errands; Fridays I touch up/brighten up my hair while watching something fun on Netflix. All of those days I also fit in reading for my doula certification requirements. The afternoons Gwen and I eat lunch, work on homework, play games, romp in the snow, and watch movies. I cook dinners, and sometimes she helps. We do bedtime routine, then Trav and I relax, watch some TV, read some. On Thursday nights I hit up a restorative yoga class.

Some days I don't get everything done that I hope too; some days I have extra time to relax. We have visitors, Trav goes to events through work, and I go out with new friends, friends passing through, or to apartment events. Most of the time its a really good balance here. Better, I think, then what we had in Philadelphia.

But there are times it's still hard. A week before Thanksgiving I had one of those times. I found out that my friend B, a transplant like myself, who we thought would be coming over with her family, would actually be heading to visit her best friend. I was happy for her trip... I was more then a little sad for myself. Pity party for one, right here.

Thanksgiving has always been one of my favorite holidays; the golden three (Halloween, Thanksgiving, Christmas). Thanksgiving is gratefulness, and food, and family. Except that this year we celebrated without any family. I believe that was a first for me. A week out, looking a the holiday approaching with just the three of us, even the food couldn't get me excited. Gwen only eats 2 or 3 of the items we typically make for Thanksgiving, so it didn't seem to make sense to cook a huge meal that only two of us would eat. (Don't worry, we did anyway! Trav bought a 14lb turkey!) Thinking about the day without the food, without the family... well, suddenly Thanksgiving was just looking like any other day.

I am truly grateful for this life of ours. For my family (no matter how near or far), for my friends, for the roof over our heads, the clothes on our backs, and the food on our table. So many people don't have those things, and we are able to take them for granted. With all that has happened in the world lately, I am grateful beyond belief that we have all these things, and more. That I'm able to pursue my dream jobs, that I get to watch my husband thrive and my daughter learn new things everyday.

But I'm human, and a week ago, as on Thanksgiving day, it was hard not to feel sad.

This isn't my regular holiday post. For the first time in years, I didn't do the 30 days of thankfulness. I'm no less thankful then any other year, I just needed a break from that forced format. And here, I needed my honest space. 

The day ended up being nice, though very different, and yes, a little hard. My mom will be here next week. Perhaps we'll do another special meal then. In the meantime, I'll wrap my head around the fact that we still have many firsts to encounter here in Colorado, and that not all of them will be good.

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