The Dream

Okay, so I've finally gotten around to editing this entry, and actually turning it into an entry about my Dream. It's weird lately that I've been having this incredibly vivid and cracked out dreams... dreams of storms and old teachers, of friends and bars and crazy people trying to come after me, most of them with Travis in them. And I remember them the next day and try to figure out where they came from and what they mean. But this dream has really stuck with me, and its really sparked some big emotions and thoughts in me.

So first the dream itself which is going to be quick because I remember so little of the action within the dream, but so much about the emotions I was feeling and the overall atmosphere. That I don't know if I can explain as well....
But anyway, the dream:

It started off in this house, a very nice house and very big, but not one I really know. Everything in the house had this shadowly light on it, like a room lit up by a very full moon... and the feelings in this house were very mysterious and forboding. Not truly scary, but forboding nonetheless. In this dream I knew that it was my "mission", so to speak, to protect some of the members of the family which lived in this house. Their daughter was getting married and someone was against that. Travis was also helping me with this, but I never actually saw him once in the dream... just felt his presence and knew he was on my side. After a little while I was outside, and it was day time... although still very shadowy. Before me appeared someone I know from real life, who we'll just call DW. Now I knew that DW was there to offer me advice about what to do to help this family and complete my "mission". But DW in the dream came up to me and we kissed (not clear who started it). It was my feeling that DWs ulterior motive was this kiss... and so I didn't know how to feel about it or him.

Well... here's where I offer some background involving my real life relationship with DW. We were friends, and in a way still are, although much more uncomfortably so... but Travis does not get along with DW at all. Lets just say, without too much detail, that while Travis and I were together DW tried to pull something on me.

So this dream obviously sparked some interesting feelings in me. Feelings of "why is this coming back to haunt me?" But also feelings of... well... wonder? I don't know exactly how to explain this. I have come to realize that I have some issues with the way I've done things in the past. This extends to schooling and to my personal life. I don't really want to change anything, but at the same time, due to circumstances now... I have some feelings of insecurity. And sex is one of those areas. Trav is more experienced then I am. And it's not to say that I want to have had sex with more guys... I don't! I like that Trav is my one and only. What I would change if I could, is his experience level... but obviously that is not possible. And so I'm left with this feeling of frustration and insecurity.

Overall this is not a huge problem... I love Travis very much and I just don't think about any of the other girls. They are in the past and nothing can be done about them now. We have a wonderful relationship, and this is not going to effect it. However this dream Made me think about it, and made me confront these feelings... which I didn't really want to do. I mean, what can I do about them? Nothing!
But that is enough of that... my stupid dream.

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~ Meegs