I keep opening the new post box and the x-ing out of it because I have nothing to say, and too much to say, and no idea where to begin. Life is chugging along both so slowly (gah, this week felt like three!) and so quickly (um, middle of September already!) and I'm finding it difficult to stay centered and find my direction.

We're plugging along on the house stuff; the last of the repairs to paint, etc should be done as of today, and I believe we're going to do a walk-through Monday to sign off on it all. Thank goodness. Then its just finding the time to actually get stuff done around the house.

Plugging along at work as well... I think I'm finally mostly caught up after our vacations and month of distracted lack of productivity. I had a few really good bursts this week and got a ton done... but now I'm flagging again. Hopefully Monday I'll "burst" anew. Though of course, we're entering that time of year, when yet again I find myself wishing for something different. If we won the lotto, I'd be giving my notice and going back to school post haste.

Life is plugging along. Gwen is so fun and such a joy; but also so trying! She wants to be doing so much, but her desire to do is a bit ahead of her ability to do, so that leads to some cranky times. There are also amazingly fun times though, and one of my favorite things is when she does something that makes me laugh - genuinely laugh - and she just loves that so much that she leans against me and giggles giggles giggles.  ::contented sigh::

Travis and I have been off lately, and I can't figure out why or what to do about it. This could be a whole post in and of itself, but to try to make a lot of feelings and events into a easily manageable paragraph: I'm sure its all the recent stresses, but its frustrating and just makes life more stressful overall - which I guess makes it a vicious cycle. We just seem to be at each others throats a lot; agreeing less and arguing more; with the relaxed happy times being more of the exception then the rule. All of this leads me to be more annoyed with him more of the time, which means that littler things bother me more, and I've completely lost any patience for some stuff - also a vicious cycle. Its no good. The internal reactions I've been having to some of these fights is completely big and blown out of proportion. When I look at them later I always wonder what the hell is up with me, who reacts that strongly to a fight about [whatever stupid insignificant in the long run thing]?! But then it bothers me more because who has the fight about [whatever stupid insignificant in the long run thing] to begin with? I want to talk to him about it, but I don't know how to bring it up or what to say.

So that's all that. There is a lot of stuff making me happy lately (fall, Gwen, Trav in our relaxed moments), I have a lot of stuff I'm looking forward to (Celtic Classic with the fam in a week - including my brother, getting the house all put back together); but I also have plenty of stuff that's been wearing on me (work irritations, fighting with Trav, crankiness from Gwen, then house stuff going so slowly). I'm noticing that while in general I'm holding onto my optimistic outlook, in day-to-day specific events I'm having more pessimistic, woe-is-me moments. I don't like it, and somethings got to give.

That said, the day is almost done and I have a whole weekend ahead of me to make the most of. Lets see what I can do with that.

No comments:

Post a Comment

Leave me some love!
~ Meegs