Long layers and long days...

First of all, loving me some long layers... (look closely, they are there)

Ignore the painful way my face looks, and our fugly wallpaper, look only at the long layers. Yay!

Aren't we cute. Isn't our cuteness magnified by the long layers?!

Anyway, moving on. Today it is supposed to be warm again... like in the 70s warm. That makes me happy, which is good because I need something to make me happy right now.

A little background: One of my coworkers, whom is also a good friend (not just a good work friend, but a see outside of work friend) suffers very badly from post-partum depression. She has handled this sometimes okay, and sometimes not. Right now she is handling it not. I honestly love her dearly and have always tried to be there for her... reassuring her that she is not alone and that she is strong enough to beat this. Or just being a ear to listen. Recently in a handling it well phase she stopped taking her meds, for a while she was fine, but back to now, she isn't.
Sometimes its hard to be a coworker when you are a friend too... or maybe its hard to be a friend when you have to be a coworker. She is a great person. But she comes in late everyday (she's still not here at 9:50), forgets things, and sometimes its hard to get her motivated to do certain work things that we have to do together. Being her friend, I have covered for her on more then one occation... something that often ends up stressing me out pretty damn bad.
I'm so torn. I know how damaging depression can be. I know that it isn't something that you can snap out of or just get over. But at the same time I just feel like screaming "get ahold of yourself!"... she needs to be able to continue to function or she needs to go back on the damn meds. Don't worry, I resist the urge... but I'm used to being able to tell friends if they do something that is hurting me, but I feel like I can't here. Because its depression, and its a "work hurt". I'm torn between feeling like she uses her depression to get away with things, and just wanting to help her feel better (aka feeling like a piece of shit for feeling this other stuff).
And while I know that it could be worse (I mean, I'm not the one suffering from PPD... or poor Susan for example)... its hard not to let it get to me. Especially after yesterday, when we both got "in trouble" for something that was a direct result of (and these are her words) of her "being lazy and then forgetting". But our boss didn't know that, and therefore, we both got in trouble. I love her dearly, but I have worked hard to have my boss be comfortable in my abilities and have faith that I will get done what needs to be done, not to have that undermined by what someone else has or has not done.

*deep breathes*
I need to get out of here. I feel horrible, I feel selfish, but I also feel like until now I have been pretty selfless with her. I don't know what to do and I hate that feeling. I just want to put this aside and continue to help her through this time, but I don't know if I can just do that. I can't help that when I see her I feel a little angry.
My whole life I've been very lucky with friends. Besides one or two people that turned out to not be that true of a friend, everyone that I have called a good friend has been loyal, and I have always done my best to return the favor. Friends may come and go as life changes, but again, only once or twice has something actually forced me to lose a friend. I don't want work to change that.

Okay, enough of that. I have things to do.

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~ Meegs