Since we found out the news I've had sushi, two alcoholic drinks, green tea, and I'm going to redeem a gift certificate for a free foot rub one of these days... and they can push on the pressure points in my ankles all they want. It doesn't matter. Why is it that people do that? Why do we immediately flock to the things we couldn't have, as if having them makes it any better? Or makes it seem like it doesn't matter? All they are is a piss-poor consolation prize.

I'm angry today. Angry and sad.

Sometimes I feel like I'm handling this well. Maybe even too well. Do people think I'm callous if I can laugh at their jokes, if I can talk about it without crying? Am I horrible if I just don't want to think about it sometimes?
Then of course, there are times like this where I feel like a broken record... and hate that I'm making you listen to my sadness over and over.

The nurse called me this morning, so do a history with me for tomorrow. She was the sweetest lady... and honestly, I think that made it harder to hold it together. I have to call between 3 and 5 today to find out when I come in. I know my procedure time is 12:30... so I'll probably have to be there between 11 and 11:30, but I'll find out for sure later. I just want that part to be over with.

At least work is busy. Busy enough that I don't have time to kill where I end up thinking about it. Instead my day passed quickly yesterday, with little down time, and 90% of my day spent just completely focused on work. Hopefully today will be more of the same.


  1. My D&E was not bad, just so you know. And I handled it much the same way you are, it seems. I regretted telling anyone that I had been pregnant, and the next time we waited. ALL the doctors and nurses were so kind, even just before the procedure they kept expressing their condolences to me. I just wanted it overwith too.

  2. You are not crazy or a broken record. You are grieving and you get to do that however it works best for you. I will be thinking of you tomorrow.

  3. you get to do what ever you want to in this process. There is no right or wrong way of dealing with the loss of your baby. As in any type of grief there is no rule book and what ever you do is normal (your new normal). I will be thinking of you tomorrow hugs


  4. I am hoping you find the peace in this situation.

  5. Hi I just wanted to say I am so sorry for your loss and thinking of you. I am from the Pregnancy Loss board on I had my D&C on Monday and I am doing okay. I know what you mean I am relieved that part is over I did not like the in-between place I was in. I feel like I can finally start the healing process. The emotional toll is the hardest for me and that will take some time to heal. Sending you lots of hugs and support and I am here anytime you want to talk.


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~ Meegs