sorry (updated)

I have a headache, again. Seems like I'm getting them a lot lately... though thankfully most aren't bad. I wonder if its a low iron thing since I've been loosing blood for 9 days now. I ate some iron fortified cereal just in case... and am sitting with the lights off and my door closed to get it a little quieter. Seems like I'm almost done with the bleeding though, so hopefully the headaches will stop too.
Today is two weeks since we found out and I'm feeling fragile. I always start off the day so positive, and I really am trying to do that whole hopeful-look-ahead thing... I am hopeful!, but ever since I posted about that I've been having rough afternoons. Starting the day off with Daisy is so nice, and she's just such a sweetie who always puts a smile on my face... but it just goes downhill from there, and the afternoons are long and hard.
Like I said, its been two weeks and I miss our babe... and I just want to feel normal again, not sad, angry, off. Even when I'm not thinking about it, I just feel different. Right now I'm so angry too... at this woman who was so irresponsible with her pregnancy... didn't go to the doctor until she was 19weeks, continued to smoke. Grr! It just makes me so angry.
Its 3 o'clock and I'm ready for bed. I just want to go home and be with my boy and our pup. Sorry to be so blah.

Ps. I found this on Blair's blog (she also suffered a miscarriage), Heir to Blair, and had to bring it hear since it is exactly how I feel at the moment: "And it hit me -- I am a fraud. I am not the strong person you think I am. I should not thank people for complimenting me on my strength, or my poise through the situation. There are times that I crumble on the inside."
That is exactly how I feel right now, as I sit in my office at work and sniff... with tears occasionally breaking out.

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