as a family, 6 months in

This is going to be a doozy.

At six month into this family of three thing, I thought I would follow Ms. Snowe's lead and be completely honest about how I am feeling and how things are going (we'll see if I end up editing it down later). 

Overall, its good. Just look at this past weekend! I love being a mom, I love watching Travis be cute with Gwen. But honestly, its been a bit challenging lately. I think Gwen is going through a growth spurt (typical at 6 months) because she's been eating like a fiend lately, including waking 2-3 times at night... something I'm very out of practice with, and which is leaving me exhausted (hopefully adding in food, which we'll be doing this week, with help with that). She's also been a bit fussier (I'm sure the multiple wakings doesn't help this), and is going through a mama phase. It doesn't bother me, you know I love having my baby attached to me most of the time... but it definitely makes it hard on Trav when he is caring for her while I'm getting ready in the morning or whenever. In turn, he's been getting super irritated/worked up/angry. Its a crappy cycle because the more annoyed he gets, the less interactive he is and the more crabby she is, and so he gets all the more irritated. I hate it.

This morning was the worst. She woke at 12 and 4 last night, then was up for the day at 5. So we were all a bit tired this morning. I took longer in the shower then normal, and Gwen was being grumpy... and I come out to find them sitting on our bed, Gwen fussing a bit and Trav shaking a rattle in front of her, but not even looking at her, talking to her, or anything. And he continued to just glare ahead until I picked her up to feed her, at which point he stomped out of the bedroom. (Just a note that this is very unusual... and normally even if he's annoyed with her fussiness, he's very interactive.)

I just find myself so annoyed. We've been going through these cycles since the beginning, fine fine fine... then all of a sudden, everything's a bother. I keep wanting to shake him and ask what he though having a baby would be like, but then he is fine again and I don't want to "ruin it" by bringing it up. However, lately I have been trying to talk about it with him, and we'd had some real good talks, made some good headway... then this morning.

Not that I am perfect. I'm not by a long shot, and I'm sure if asked Trav could come up with a list of things that I do/don't do that bothers him. But I feel like this is so much more important then dishes, or laundry. More lasting then who takes up more of the bed or when I leave a light on because I'm going back into a room in just a minute. This is our daughter. This is the foundation we're building for the rest of her life. For our relationships with her. 

All in all, its just making me feel a bit alone right now.

I'm sure work doesn't help, since I feel like I'm often going in circles there too. And being physically wore down doesn't help either. But that is where we stand at 6 months. I would love your input.

1 comment:

  1. Of course i'm on this kick from my recent post, but perhaps parenting has been a blow to Trav's self esteem? I can imagine that its tough for him not to be able to instantly comfort Gwen...tough to feel like the babysitter until what she really wants is available.

    In my house, Sprout clearly prefers me and that has been hard on DW's confidence in parenting him and on her ability to attach to him.

    Sometimes a little empathy is all she needs - some recognition that our parenting experiences are not the same and that she has struggles I don't. A hug and a reminder that it won't always be this way and that I'm on her team.

    You aren't alone and you will get through this!


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~ Meegs