just too much

I'm not in the best of moods today. I don't know why... its a short day, I got to come in late (of course, that's because I had to work all weekend, but details details). I had a weird dream last night, I don't know if that has anything to do with it. I debated for quite a while before deciding to post this, for some reason it feels so personal, but I am the one who wants to be able to write whatever I want here... so I will write about it and ask you all to treat it gently. I don't know why this feels so personal, none of the people in this dream are people from my real life... anyway... I don't remember the very beginning, but here's what I do remember:

There had been a flood of sorts, some kind of natural disaster. Four of us where travelling in two trucks to try to find some saftey (and meeting/seeing no one else in the process). I had gone with one man, and another woman had gone with the other man... I know that I didn't know the other two people and feel like I wasn't friends with the man I was riding with, but felt like I knew him in some way. At some point the second woman was killed or lost, and the man I was riding with asked if I wanted to ride with the other man instead, saying that it would make more sense for the two trucks to split up. I said I wanted to go with him, knowing I was in love with him, and knowing from the way he asked me the question that he felt the same. We left the other man and continued to look for somewhere safe. At some point we found a house, but before we approached it we argued about him leaving me there. He wanted me safe, but I didn't want to leave him. He didn't want to give into his feelings to me because of our age difference (I have no idea how old we both were in the dream, I felt like I was around 19-20... he was maybe early 30s), and he felt like it would be taking advantage of my feelings, my age, something. I grabbed his face and we kissed hard... and I left him little choice. I wrapped my legs around his waist (and you get no more details about that). When I woke up the next morning, he was gone and I was in the house. He had left a note, but nothing else... except the baby growing in me. I was pregnant. The owners of the house were a young couple, also early 30s, who had a new baby... and their close friend, a man of the same age.
{there is a lot i don't remember from the middle, except that I started to fall in love with the husband... I felt like I knew him, and only later realized that in some way he was the same as the original man...}
At one point we all found ourselves sitting on the porch. At this point my belly was very big, I must have been 8 months along. I was nervous, it seems the wife knew about my feelings for the husband, and that he felt the same way. But what I hadn't noticed was that the wife and the friend also had feelings for each other... they kissed and the husband came to me. He kissed my belly and held my hand. I new that it would be fine. Now they were together, and the husband and I were together.
{This wasn't the end, but the last part I really remember except for playing with their baby, and feeding my child, a son.}

When I woke up this morning, it seemed to take a second to get my barings... know where I was. It's been a while since I've has such a vivid dream. I have always had vivid dreams, but this is the first probably since December. And like I said before, it just feels so personal for reasons I can't explain.

Anyway, the weekend was fine. Travis came with me on Friday night, which was great. He got to watch his hockey, which made him happy, and I had some company Friday night and Saturday morning. Especially nice since I haven't gotten to see Trav nearly as much lately because of his second job. Saturday was the long day, 9a.m. to about 9p.m. - waaayyyy too long. Afterwards I called Trav for a bit, then ran out with Miyano to the bookstore to grab a magazine or two... I hadn't realized I would finish the last 2/3 of my book on Saturday alone!! Sunday we started early, I was at the registry desk by 8a.m., but we only went until 12ish... after which we got to have a relaxing lunch before heading home. I got to try on my two new polo shirts that Trav picked up for me. :-) Today (and tomorrow) Travis has to work... so I'll be on my own. Who knows what I'll do... probably a lot of reading. Hey, I didn't get a weekend!

Okay, that's all for now.

1 comment:

  1. In dreams, everything is a symbol for something else.


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