triumphant return

Well, it was a great weekend... our ride out on Thursday went so much faster then anticipated. The fact that it was a thursday and not a friday helped a great deal I'm sure. Andy and Megan's house is beautiful... we stayed there Thursday night, got the tour. Two car garage, master bed with bath and walk in closet, another full bath on the top floor, with two other bedrooms and Andy's office, a half-bath downstairs with Megan's office, the living room, dining room, sitting room, and very roomy eat-in-kitchen. It's gorgeous.
Friday we woke up and had a relaxing morning. Trav took me to the mall so I could get my nails done, then we went out with Andy and his BM (Best Man) to pick up his new tux (the first one he got had wine stains on the shirt and a cigarette burn in the crotch!) which he tried on and approved, then headed to a different mall to get lunch and so Andy could pick up some black dress socks. Then it was off to the hotel. It was called the Bertram, and it was great. We had a relaxing day, and then Trav headed to the rehersal ceremony and I bummed around. Then everyone headed to the rehersal dinner, which started off with hor d'vours (sp?), then a great sit down meal... I finally got my lobster ravioli, and Trav had this orgasmic steak filet! Mm. Then there was drinking and socializing, and I officially asked Megan to be one of my bridesmaids, to which her responce was to jump up and down, followed by a emphetic (and very Megan) "uhhh, yeah!". Lol, it was very sweet. Then it was back to the hotel (they hotel shuttled us back and forth), when I went to bed (hey it was already about 11:45-12midnight) because the exhausting week finally caught up with me, and Trav hung out in the hospitality suite with other wedding guests until 4 in the a.m.!
Saturday I woke up around 10 and wandered down to breakfast... lots of family (Trav's) and friends to sit and eat with (or not eat, because the breakfast buffet was rather cold by then!)... then headed back up to the room and awoke the sleeping giant around 11. Trav showered, and we relaxed until 12 when we headed down to the Sushi Bar (in the hotel) for lunch. Very good! Then it was back up to the room when Trav took a nap, and I read until he had to get dressed and ready for the guys pictures at 3:00. They took the guys shots, and the girls did their shots after that, and I just relaxed and got ready very slowly before heading down for the ceremony around 5. It started at 5:30 and it was gorgeous. There were 2 ushers, 6 groomsmen, and 6 bridesmaids. The bridesmaids wore strapless dark red (almost like a burgundy or wine color) dresses, and the groomsmen wore tuxes with black vests and cream shirts, Andy's vest was cream. Megan looked gorgeous! She wore a strapless oyster colored gown (an off-white color, almost with a hint of silver), with a corset type ribbon closure on the back, and beautiful rhinestone detailing. They had 2 violinists and a cellist playing the bridal party in, and when it came time for Megan to come down the isle, she was led in by a bagpipe player! It was very cool. He also played to lead Andy and Megan out when the ceremony was over. I will have to post pictures (hopefully I will download them tonight!) to show you how beautiful the room looked... I just can't describe it. The whole thing, setup, ceremony, vows, blessing of the hands, it was all just beautiful and romantic. It was wonderful.

After that we headed out to a lobby area (not the main lobby) outside of the room where the ceremony was held and had the cocktail hour while they got pictures taken, and then the room was reset for the reception. So we just went right back in the same room then, which was nice... didn't have to go far ever. The reception started with the bridal party being introduced, then Megan and Andy cut the cake right away, and then it was dinner time. After that was the first dances, then the floor was openned up and after that it was all drinking and dancing and socializing. Very fun. I kind of wish Trav had stuck around to dance with me a little more... but it was still fun.
After that was over, we said goodnight to the newlyweds and headed up to collapse in bed. When we got up for breakfast the next morning, Andy and Megan had already left for their honeymoon (they were shuttled to the airport at 6a.m.!)... but they had set it up so that there was a brunch for everyone at the wedding. People came and left as they got up, so it was never more then 25-30 people there at a time, which was a nice change since their wedding had been so large. Then Trav and i packed up, checked out, and got on the road by 11:30. We made great time again, and were home by dinner. Overall, it was a wonderful weekend. We had a great time, and everything went smoothly.
Now the happy couple is on their honeymoon. They started off flying to a place outside of San Francisco, where they spent a few days touring vineyards and drinking wine, and then down to Maui, where they can enjoy the ocean and the sun. Not too shabby.

Okay, so here is my little disclaimer: I love my future Brother-In-Law, and I adore Megan and think of her like a sister. I want nothing but the best of them, and think that they deserve every good thing that comes their way. I also know that life isn't fair, and just because you are a good person, basically decent, well that doesn't mean shit...

That being said.

Now my issues... I have to go off for a minute or two, and you just need to forgive me.
First off, I'm so jealous of their house. It's huge. Out here it would cost a small fortune... lets just say about 5x what trav and i paid for our place. Out there it doesn't cost nearly that, but it is still more then what we could afford. It's more beautiful then our house will ever be, and I can't help but be jealous... if only because now I don't want them to see out house. I'm embarassed. I'm embarassed at the size of it, at the shape it's in, at the mess we've left it. Next to their house, ours is a pit, and I'm frankly ashamed to let them see it.
Secondly, I know that it isn't a competition... but our wedding will never be as gorgeous as theirs. Everyone had such a good time, and everything was just so beautiful... and ours just won't be able to compete. Are people going to be disappointed when they come to ours next year? When they see what ours is and remember what Andy and Megan's was, will they think less of us? Will they think less of my parents for not being able to buy us a wedding? She got her dream wedding, and we can't even seem to afford a mediocre one. We're having little luck finding a reception site that is within our budget, that isn't a shithole. We aren't that picky either, it's not like we are looking for the damn Four Seasons or something. We just don't want a Firehall either.
Then, of course, there is the honeymoon. Something that we are pretty sure we won't have. We just don't know how we will have the money left for it when we are done paying for the wedding and reception themselves. Travis assures me that we can go on a trip for our anny some year... but really, we are never going to be rolling in the dough, and once we put this off, it will be harder and harder to rationalize spending the kind of money that a big trip entails. I wasn't looking for a trip around Europe or something... but I wanted to go somewhere fun and new. I wanted that week away with my new husband somewhere warm and enjoyable.
Okay, I will stop now. This isn't a "Let's Feel Sorry For Megan" website... I just wanted to get it out, so I wouldn't have it all trapped inside anymore. I get frustrated and angry... feeling like, why don't I deserve a nice wedding? I know "deserving" has nothing to do with it... but its hard not to feel like that. I know that the important thing is the marriage itself, and not the party on this one day... but still, you want that day to be special. You want something that you can remember fondly.


I have to get back to work.

Sorry that my return entry kind of dissolved into bitterness...

I will post happy pictures ASAP.


  1. First, your house is gorgeous. I have never been there but the photos seem to aptly convey its unique charm. What makes it even more special is the fact that you are renovating a structure with a rich history and you are doing it on your own. It might also make you feel better to know it appears to be double the size of ours.

    The "Keeping up with the Joneses" mindset will kill you young. I think everybody deals with it differently with varying degrees of success. I choose to focus on the things that are extraordinarily in my favor:
    _My fucking gorgeous wife
    _Our chemistry
    _Our ability to create the "perfect child"
    _my rock-hard abs and chiseled features

    It helps to have poor friends too.

    You and Trav both have qualities that are so magnetic and rare. You in particular react to injustices with such passion and an ardent desire for systemic change.

    You can keep the big weddings and fancy houses. It is my sole desire to see my daughter grow up to have the kind of heart that you have.

  2. Barry,
    I honestly almost cried when I read that. Thank you. I don't think you could possibly realize just how much that touched me.


    ps. your wife is fucking gorgeous, and your baby is beautiful. do you really have rock hard abs?

    oh, and unfortunately i have lots of not poor friends.

  3. Oh sweetie!! I love you!! And I'm sure your wedding will be spectacular if only because it will be yours and Travis's and you all deserve a special, wonderful day.

    I miss you very much and am stoked that I at least have the internet again so I can keep up via weblogs. Much love and keep your chin up.



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~ Meegs