sometimes its just about what I need...

It's so weird stilling here at my desk, reading all the away messages about people heading back to Lehigh and starting classes... and me, instead here in Philly, working.
It's so odd.
Not bad, but I guess it really drove home, that for the first time in over 16 years, I'm not returning to school. I'm done... in the "real world"... I guess now I'm grown up. I guess it drove home some other things too. Like that fact that everytime I said that I couldn't wait to get to the "real world" and "start my life", I was actually just being full of it. Everyday from the moment you are born, you are in the real world, and that is your life. There is nothing else except what you do in all these modest daily journeys! Getting up every morning and going to class or work or whatever, that is what life is about. It's about interacting with those around you and just enjoying every moment. In some ways this makes me happy.

Like last night for example, Travis and I went for a nice walk. We've tried to make this a habit, although so far we've only done it twice! I guess you have to start somewhere though. Well the night was gorgeous... great weather (mid-60s) with no one around and billions of stars to look at. We just walked around at a nice leasurely pace and talked about whatever happened to be on our mind at the moment. I couldn't have been happier. I truly believe those are the best moments... the ones you just wish would stretch on and on, when you are at peace with everything around you.

Other times though it makes me sad to realize that this is my life... a job that leaves me only semi-fulfilled... debt that scares me, not because it is that much, but because it is just enough to keep me from being able to save right now. These things make me wish that I really could look forward to "starting my life". Saying to myself that my trip to China will really be living, or that once I get a better job my life will be more complete. But the truth of the matter is: THIS IS LIFE!
Every little facit of my job, my apartment, my surroundings, my interactions... the good and the bad parts... they are all my life, and always have been. While China will be truly amazing, and a better job would be nice... they won't make my life, but will simply be another aspect of it.

While it is still weird not heading back to Lehigh, I'm feeling a little better about it. It's a trade off really. If I were back at Lehigh, I wouldn't get to wake up next to Trav every morning, or take our evening walks... two of my favorite things about my life right now. Sure I miss my friends, but I know that the distance doesn't make them less of a friend... it just means I have to work on it a little more, and take a little more on faith.

Enjoy your life Lehigh'er... you're in the middle of the real world right now. Something which suddenly couldn't be clearer to me.


Me, a la 08/25/2004.

I needed to read this again. So you get to also.

Oh, and it seems like everyone is blah for blogger lately... probably 50% of my daily reads haven't been updated this week. At least its not just me suffering from lack of inspiration.
I actually do have a few things on my mind, but I really don't know that I can talk about them here. They are VERY private. Hmm...

On another note:

Good stuff. Okay, that's all for now.


  1. Hey! Found you from Greek Tragedy comments. I lived in Langhorne PA for a while but am now back in Chicago... catch ya in blogland!

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