emotional hailstorm

I'm frustrated right now... happy with life in general, but frustrated with work. Frustrated with money. Frustrated with myself.

I'm so glad that Travis is home tonight. It's been harder then I thought it would be with him working the second job. I mean, I do get to be productive... and especially now that work is so hectic, I appreciate that I can stay late without leaving him waiting. But he gets home so late and we're both worn out (in different ways, but still both tired)... I always want to talk to him and tell him all about my day, or things that are coming up, and I know he just wants 20 minutes to himself to relax, eat something, check his mail... but by the time that is over its already bedtime. So i find myself hovering over him as soon as he gets home, trying to cram everything in that I want to say before we go to bed... and I get frustrated with him for not being able to answer me, or hell, even pay attention to me. And he gets frustrated with me for following him around and just talking... and I do tell him stupid stuff. Why must I tell him exactly what I did when I get home... "I washed the dishes, and then I did some laundry, blah blah blah..." like I want some damn treat for it?!

I think the reason is guilt. I feel guilty that he is working this second job and I'm waiting around for someone to call me about babysitting. It was so promising, with three families that really want to use me! But I haven't gotten a call yet. It's just (at the risk of sounding redundant) frustrating. I don't like feeling guilty... I don't like feeling useless, and tired, and stressed. And I am all of those things right now.

Work sucks. I have so damn much to get done and I can't concentrate on it all, and it just keeps adding up.

Anyway, 20 more minutes and I'm heading home to spend some, hopefully stress-free, time with my boy.

1 comment:

  1. Gosh. I feel ya on this one. I seem to be working 16 hour days lately and I think I went 4 days without seeing my wife awake at some point.

    This is where marriage (living together) can get hard. Limited minutes together and trying to make em count. We are rootin for you guys...I wish you lived here. I would give you all the babysitting hours you could handle.


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