its hard getting older

I know you are all poo-pooing me right now. But this week I feel so old, and tired. I feel already stuck, and little things that stink manage to overshadow bigger good things. My birthday was good, but I miss the younger times when your birthday was a big deal and people would fuss over you. Silly, I know, but I miss that. The wedding overshadows everything. It's hard to watch other people plan away, and make what they want out of their weddings, when I know what I want, and know I can't afford it. And its not like I'm ridiculous either, I don't want some $100/plate place that's all about a name, I don't want a designer dress... but even the simple things I want cost too much money.
The same with my car, and our house, etc... I wouldn't give up owning our own place for anything, but its hard to see how little we have left at the end of the month when the mortgage, car payments, student loans, and bills are paid.

It was just so much easier as a kid, when you didn't have any of that to worry about. Now, I can't help but being cynical about the years ahead of me. I always pictured myself getting to a place where I was comfortable with my life... where we weren't rich, but making enough to save some at the end of the month, with a job that I enjoyed (even just most of the time)... but now I'm wondering if I'll ever see those days.

On an nicer note, we had a great dinner last night with Brian and Stacey. It was nice to catch up some, and finally see their place. Gorgeous! It makes me want to work harder to get our place organized. (You may all join me in a laugh on that one.) We decided to try and do that once a month, because we are both very bad at nailing down a date, and always end up letting months and months go by between visits.

Tomorrow we are looking forward to going and seeing Rochelle and Pat, because amazingly it has been almost a month since we last saw them; which is way too long. August has just been busy and has sped by so far. So finally we both have the time, at the same time, and we will head over there after work.

Time for lunch.

"I’m growing older but not up
My metabolic rate is pleasantly stuck
Let those winds of change blow over my head
I’d rather die while I’m living than live while I’m dead
Let those winds of time blow over my head
I’d rather die while I’m living than live while I’m dead" JB

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~ Meegs